In the whirlwind of homeschooling life, amidst lesson planning, household chores, and the constant demands of nurturing young minds, it’s easy for homeschooling moms to overlook their own spiritual well-being. However, seasoned Charlotte Mason homeschooling mom Lisa Hajda reminds us that amidst the chaos there exists a precious opportunity for spiritual growth and connection with God.
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Prioritizing Relationships and Family Culture as Charlotte Mason Homeschoolers
Lisa’s homeschooling adventure began in 1992 when she stumbled upon Charlotte Mason’s philosophy during her doctoral studies in education. Intrigued by Mason’s ideas, Lisa embarked on her homeschooling journey with her children, gradually expanding her family and educational approach over the years. Despite initial isolation in her homeschooling practices, Lisa remained steadfast in her commitment to Charlotte Mason’s principles.
Throughout her homeschooling years, Lisa has faced various challenges, including managing a wide age range of children, addressing special learning needs, and navigating extreme life challenges. Despite these hurdles, she emphasizes the importance of relationships in homeschooling, fostering a close-knit family culture through shared experiences like reading together, playing music, and spending quality time as a family.
Lisa said, “Relationships are very important to me, and that was one of my main reasons for wanting to homeschool. I wanted to build a family culture. I think that that’s what really drew me to Charlotte Mason because just that reading of good living books together on a regular basis was such a draw. We developed a family culture and we have jokes. You have this common foundation. That’s what I loved. I love relationship building.”
Charlotte Mason’s philosophy of education was a valuable gift in the midst of the challenges of homeschooling. “When you have kids with a wide variety of intellectual abilities, that can be challenging, too. I would say that this is where Charlotte Mason’s focus on good and living books, they meet all the kids wherever they are at all times. That’s a good aspect of Charlotte Mason’s daily philosophy,” Lisa noted.
Homeschooling Doesn’t Guarantee Results
One of the key insights Lisa shared is the tension between the desire for certain outcomes in homeschooling and the recognition that children are born individuals with their own paths.
“We live in this tension of being inspired to homeschool and understanding the general trends of human behavior and education, and yet we have no guarantee that the efforts are going to yield a certain result because children are, as you mentioned, born persons. That’s Charlotte Mason’s principle number one. I do think it’s valuable to recognize the tension when we think about the big picture for the homeschool journey,” Lisa said.
While it provides a nurturing environment, homeschooling doesn’t guarantee specific results. Lisa emphasizes the importance of maintaining perspective and trusting in God’s work in each child’s life.
She encouraged, “I’m not responsible for my children’s impulsive or unhealthy or sinful behaviors, attitudes, anxieties, ideas, feelings, thoughts, or actions because I do not have the power to change them, I don’t. That is really a difficult fact to accept as a mom, that you do not have the power to change that person that you’re actually in charge of. In my responsibility to my children, I can establish circumstances and expectations for certain behavior, of course, of course, but we all know because we ourselves are persons that no one has the power to change another person. You know that in yourself, That another person doesn’t have the power to change me. Only God has the power to change me.”
She continued, “When I succumb to the temptation to connect or attach my inner confidence and my inner joy to the overall success or failure or flourishing or growth of my children, then that’s a crushing burden…The question that now I ask myself better is, can I confidently and joyfully step back and trust that God is going to do something in the lives of my children, that He is working in the lives of my children? I think that’s a constant question that I ask myself, can I trust that God is working in them like He is working in me?”
The Spiritual Value of Silence and Solitude
It was through her own spiritual formation journey that Lisa discovered a profound source of strength and resilience. She asked, “Are we being formed toward peace, wholeness, and Christlikeness, or are we being formed around something else?”
Throughout the conversation, Lisa underscored the significance of silence and solitude in nurturing spiritual growth, even amidst the hustle and bustle of daily life as a homeschooling mom. Drawing from her studies in spiritual formation, she encouraged fellow homeschooling moms to carve out moments of quiet reflection, prayer, and meditation to deepen their connection with God.
Contrary to the misconception that spiritual growth requires lengthy periods of uninterrupted solitude, Lisa challenged homeschooling moms to find moments of connection with God in the midst of their busy lives. Whether it’s during household chores, walks with children, or stolen moments of stillness, she emphasized the transformative power of seeking God’s presence in the ordinary moments of motherhood.
By prioritizing spiritual formation, Lisa believes that homeschooling moms can cultivate a deeper sense of peace, purpose, and resilience in their journey. She encouraged moms to release the burden of perfectionism and instead embrace a posture of surrender, trusting in God’s guidance and provision for their families.
Reflecting on her own experiences, Lisa acknowledged the challenges of balancing the demands of homeschooling with personal spiritual growth. However, she emphasized that investing in one’s spiritual well-being is not only beneficial for the individual but also enriches the entire homeschooling experience by fostering a nurturing, spiritually grounded home environment.
In conclusion, Lisa’s insights serve as a beacon of hope and encouragement for homeschooling moms striving to cultivate a deeper connection with God amidst the joys and struggles of homeschooling life. By embracing moments of silence and solitutde, prioritizing spiritual formation, and trusting in God’s provision, homeschooling moms can find solace, strength, and purpose in their journey of faith and education.
Listen to the full podcast episode “Spiritual Formation for the Homeschooling Mom with Lisa Hajda,” Homeschool Conversations with Humility and Doxology Season 9, Episode 6
Lisa Hajda has been married to Joey for 41 years. They have ten kids ranging in age from 16 to 36 (and eleven delightful grandkids!). This is her 32nd year of Charlotte Mason homeschooling. Lisa’s educational background is in veterinary science and education, and, currently, she’s completing a second Master’s degree (in spiritual formation). Lisa enjoy lots of different handicrafts (especially embroidery and crochet), participating in a local community theatre with her kids and grandkids (especially hosting Shakespeare camp), hiking (especially in the Rocky Mountains), traveling (especially to England), reading in her hammock (especially Dorothy Sayers, C.S. Lewis, and Terry Pratchett), walking along their gravel road (especially when it’s not windy), and Jazzercising (especially to super dance-y songs).
Links to things discussed in this episode
- Savoring God’s Word, Jan Johnson
- Life Together
- The Evangelical Imagination
- Margaret Coombs biography of Charlotte Mason
- Hidden Potential
- Generational Homeschooling on Instagram
- FriendlySciences.com
- Spiritual Formation for Moms on Instagram
- Homeschooling Isn’t a Vending Machine
- Charlotte Mason Homeschooling
- Ambleside Online
- Karen Glass
Amy Sloan: Hello, friends. Today I am joined by Lisa Hajda. She has been married to Joey for 41 years and they have 10 kids ranging in age from 16 to 36, plus 11 delightful grandkids. This is Lisa’s 32nd year of Charlotte Mason homeschooling. Her educational background is in veterinary science and education and currently, Lisa is completing a second master’s degree in spiritual formation.
She enjoys lots of different handicrafts especially embroidery and crochet, participating in her local community theater with kids and grandkids, and she even hosts a Shakespeare camp, hiking especially in the Rocky Mountains, traveling especially to England, reading in her hammock, especially Dorothy Sayers, C.S. Lewis, and Terry Pratchett, walking along their gravel road, and jazzercising to super dancey songs. I love just the breadth there, it gives us a picture of who you are but just here at the beginning, tell us a little bit about yourself and your family and how you guys got started homeschooling.
Lisa Hadja: Sure. Well, as you said, I’ve been married to Joey for 41 years and we live in the middle of Nebraska on about 14 acres in a house we built, so it’s perfect for our large family and now our extended family gatherings that we have every single week on Saturday night. All the grandkids come and their parents, we also like to see their parents. We have a lot of animals, we have chickens, ducks, and everything because as you mentioned, our background is in veterinary science, so we have a lot of animals. I do love all the things that you mentioned in the introduction. I have a lot of interests and I’m just grateful to be able to participate in all those things that I participate in.
Our kids range in age from 16 to 36 and so I only have one at home right now. Six of those kids joined our family by birth and four by adoption, and three of our adopted kids have special medical needs, pretty involved special medical needs and physical disabilities, and two of them have intellectual disabilities and mental health challenges, so that’s part of our life and part of our homeschooling life.
I did get started in homeschooling in 1992. I read Charlotte Mason’s Towards a Philosophy of Education and I wrote a paper on it when I was actually working on my doctorate in education at that time. I was just sold when I read it and we started homeschooling. I had three kids at the time and we started homeschooling with Charlotte Mason from the beginning, so that’s how I got started.
Amy: Well, that is fascinating to me because I think that there are very few people who have that privilege of catching a glimpse, getting this idea of education right at the beginning, and then being able to grow and deepen over the years instead of making lots of different changes over time. How have you seen the way your initial thoughts that came from just this research paper you were writing, how have your thoughts about education, your approach to homeschooling, maybe deepened or grown or changed in those intervening years?
Lisa: I have stuck with Charlotte Mason, so I’m grateful for that. That foundation was really a good match for our family. I was rather isolated in my practice. I tried for a lot of years to get other moms on board with what Charlotte Mason talks about in her philosophy and I don’t know, I wasn’t persuasive enough. It was just basically me doing my Charlotte Mason thing with our family for a really long time, and so I didn’t meet any other Charlotte Mason homeschoolers until really just a few years ago. I was so delighted and now I am so enriched and encouraged by participating in conferences and retreats with other homeschoolers.
I actually told Karen Glass this summer, when we were at the Charlotte Mason Institute Centenary Conference in Ambleside, that I felt like I missed the AmblesideOnline boat because those moms are all my era and I would have loved to have contributed to that, but I was just here in the middle of Nebraska doing my Charlotte Mason thing. I think my growth in Charlotte Mason has really, in some ways, it was good that I wasn’t super influenced by a lot of other interpretations of Charlotte Mason for so long, but now I just really appreciate some of the other resources and just the encouragement to keep on keeping on with Charlotte Mason. I guess that’s how it’s changed over the years.
Amy: It’s the benefit of all the resources we have online, podcasts, blogs, social media, things like that. It’s such a benefit because even if we are geographically separated from others who follow a similar approach to homeschool education, we can still learn and grow and find that community over the distance. The flip side of that, like you were mentioning, is sometimes you can also be influenced unduly by your peers instead of by those who have more experience or by some of the original sources themselves. It’s a two-edged sword, I guess, a bit there. It’s a blessing. Obviously, I’m a part of that and I’m very thankful for that, but we have to always keep in mind a little bit of that perspective and who we’re listening to and where we’re getting our advice from.
Lisa: Yes, and I do think overall, it was good for our family that I just was, going with my original Charlotte Mason exposure and not a whole lot of additional input. Again, like I said, now there are so many fun resources. I really love, I love, I’m an extrovert and I just love getting together with other homeschooling Charlotte Mason moms especially. The conferences and retreats that I get to go to are just so fun.
Amy: Such a joy. Yes. As an extrovert, I say that’s why I do a podcast is because I just want to talk to cool people.
Lisa: Same. I don’t do a podcast, but yes, I just wanted to talk to people, especially about homeschooling. It’s super fun.
Amy: Well, you’ve had these many years of experience with different kinds of students, different challenges and strengths. What have been some of your favorite parts of homeschooling?
Lisa: Relationships are very important to me, and that was one of my main reasons for wanting to homeschool. I wanted to build a family culture. I think that that’s what really drew me to Charlotte Mason because just that reading of good living books together on a regular basis was such a draw. We developed by doing that year-in and year-out, year-in and year-out reading together. We developed a family culture and we have jokes. I know sometimes I see on your Instagram, you have the exact same thing happened to your family. You’re like, oh, you’re just throwing out jokes because you’ve read the same Shakespeare or you’ve read the same Dickens. You have this common foundation. That’s what I loved about that. I love relationship building.
I really love playing music together with the kids. It gave us time– For a while, we had a family strings group. We played at weddings and stuff like that and that gave us time. Homeschooling gave us time to do that together to practice. I love building a home library. That was a joy. I love that the older kids got to know the younger kids in a way they wouldn’t have if they had been going off somewhere every day and vice versa.
When my fourth child was born, we got home from the hospital the day my second oldest daughter would have started kindergarten. I thought, wow, I’m so glad that she’s right here, and so that the older kids got to know the younger kids was important to me. Obviously, this is all relationship-based things but these are the things I really loved about homeschooling. I love spending time with my kids then and now, and I love watching them have close relationships now. It’s just the best. Those are my favorite parts, the relationship parts.
Amy: Yes, I’d love. I think probably about every morning during our morning time when I open us in prayer, and sometimes I think, I don’t mean this to sound like vain repetition, but I feel like every morning I’m like, “Lord, thank you so much that we get to learn together and be together,” because it really is something that’s such a joy. It can be a hard part of homeschooling too, but it really is such a good, beautiful part.
Lisa: It really is. I’m just thinking about– I mentioned that I went to the Charlotte Mason Institute’s Centenary Conference in Ambleside this last summer, and I went with my two oldest daughters who homeschool their kids. The way that we were just so delighted and together squeeing about literary locations. We went to Beatrix Potter’s house, and we were just like, “Oh, my goodness, this is the floorboard that’s in the book,” together. We’re just– yes. It just continues. It is established in our homeschooling and then it just continues.
Amy: That is beautiful. I have new goals. Okay, literary trip to England with my girls.
Lisa: Yes. Oh, yes, absolutely. [chuckles]
Amy: Well, on the flip side, sometimes things aren’t so wonderful and beautiful in the moment. What have been some of the challenges that you faced homeschooling and how have you sought to overcome those?
Lisa: I really do think with a larger family, it’s hard to homeschool with toddlers. It’s not so hard to homeschool with babies, I don’t think, because you can know where they are at all times, but toddlers can just take a bookshelf down in two seconds if you’re not watching them. I do think that that really is a real challenge for people who have larger families because I think there’s sometimes a little bit of guilt feeling like you’re not serving the older ones in a way you might want to if you’re having to supervise the toddler. That’s just a real challenge.
There’s different ways we met that challenge, but I think that’s really different for every family, and it really changed as the years went by and I had way more older kids when I had a toddler and that kind of thing. To me, that’s a challenge, the range of ages at times. I don’t have one specific way I met that challenge because the dynamics changed, but I do think that that’s a big challenge.
I think it also what’s challenging for us to homeschool kids with really special learning needs. That’s the point where well, I do love that I can meet each child where he or she is. There’s no shame in being where you are. You just are where you are and meet them in their pace. I super love that. At the same time, those needs required in our family outside support, like occupational therapy and speech therapy. I think that’s a challenge because you have to fit that into your day and your week and your years.
The good side about it is, referencing my extraversion, I’ve become friends with a whole bunch of therapists. [chuckles] I have a lot of good friends who are therapists now. That’s challenging. When you have kids with a wide variety of intellectual abilities, that can be challenging, too. I would say that this is where Charlotte Mason’s focus on good and living books, they meet all the kids wherever they are at all times. That’s a good aspect of Charlotte Mason’s daily philosophy.
You’re going through this right now, but I do think one of the biggest challenges in homeschooling is homeschooling through extreme life challenges. If you live for any length of time, you’re going to have those. It’s tough. Financial issues or health issues, even the adjustment of having a new baby or a new baby with needs, special needs. There’s just a huge variety of difficult life challenges.
I think the way that we met those was by not putting extra stress on ourselves to have unrealistic expectations or schedules, and homeschooling allows for that. I would say that I think my adult kids would agree that we allowed homeschooling to be a part of the ebb and flow of life circumstances to a degree that was helpful to their growth and our growth as a family. Those are three challenges, I think. [chuckles]
Amy: No, that’s really good to hear. I think with all of those, wide age range, going through challenges, learning difficulties, things like this, there can be this idea someone might think, well, maybe if I just weren’t homeschooling, it would be easier, right? Maybe that’s the solution, is I just don’t homeschool and it’ll fix the problem. A lot of times it’s homeschooling that actually simplifies in one sense and clarifies even in the midst of those challenges.
Because going through a medical crisis, for instance, I was thinking about that. What a joy it is on the days when I am home that we can really prioritize being together, meeting those emotional needs that are going on in the midst of a crisis situation. We can focus a lot on one thing today because I may be at the hospital tomorrow, those kinds of things. Whereas if everything was outside, it would be even harder, that much harder to have that family time, that emotional connection that is even more important than ever right now.
Or with a wide age range, it can get hairy, especially if you have one of those crazy toddlers that you take your eyes off them for a minute and they’re playing in the toilet or just throwing something in the living room. At the same time, you have that opportunity to develop those relationships, like you were mentioning earlier, where across a wide age range, kids who would never really be together in the same school, they’d see each other on the weekends maybe, but they wouldn’t ever really have that time together. I think with a lot of things in homeschooling, it’s like the challenge is sometimes also the blessing, and the blessing is sometimes the challenge.
Lisa: Yes, yes. I agree with that, yes. There’s that flip side of the coin.
Amy: Okay, well, I am so excited to talk with you about this next question and idea topic because it’s something that is very close to my heart. We talk about the idea, and Charlotte Mason educators, we’ll talk about the idea that children are born persons. Even if you’re not a Charlotte Mason educator, a Christian educator knows that children are image-bearers of God. They’re born persons so we know there’s not a guarantee they’re going to turn out a certain way just because we’re homeschooling.
I talk about it, homeschooling isn’t a vending machine. You don’t just push the buttons and out pops this kid. Yet we also know that homeschooling does matter and it’s a worthwhile pursuit. We know we can’t save our children with homeschooling or Christian parenting, but at the same time, we know what we’re doing does matter. Sometimes it can be hard to hold both of those ideas at the same time and say, okay, well, what does that mean? What does that look like?” As we think about the big picture of our homeschooling journey, and then actually today, this morning with my kids in my living room. Can you explore those ideas a little bit?
Lisa: I am so grateful for your voice on this topic because it’s so important and there is such attention. There is such attention in these positions. In general, I think we humans prefer certainty over the discomfort of tension. I’m really grateful that you created conversations around this topic because I do think that there’s a pervasive, and whether it’s subtle or blatant, I do think there’s a pervasive message in the Christian homeschooling community that if we homeschool, then we will have kids who are not only Christian but also act a certain way.
I’ve heard people choose homeschooling just specifically for that reason. I want my kids to act and be a certain way. I know I definitely received that message, whether subtly or blatantly, especially in the early materials in the early ’90’s that were out for– I know you’re a second-generation homeschooler, so I don’t know how much about your mom received too, but it really was a lot of homeschool so that your kids will turn out a certain way.
If we’re Christians and we know the joy of relationship with Jesus, obviously we want our kids to have that too. It’s not a bad desire to want those things, and even Charlotte Mason I think can add a little bit to this. She said, and I had a quote here, let’s see, she said, in-home education– on page 97, she says, “How habit in the hands of the mother is as his wheel to the potter, his knife to the carver, the instrument by means of which she turns out the design she has already conceived in her brain.”
Well, I totally agree with Charlotte Mason about the power of habit. I totally agree with her, but I could see how her describing it that way could reinforce the idea that a mom does have the power to turn out the design she has already conceived in her brain concerning how her children will act or be. I don’t know that that’s necessarily what Charlotte Mason means by that, but I could see how someone could interpret it that way. Like, oh, maybe me. [chuckles] You know what I mean?
We live in this tension of being inspired to homeschool and understanding the general trends of human behavior and education, and yet we have no guarantee that the efforts are going to yield a certain result because children are, as you mentioned, born persons. That’s one of Charlotte Mason’s principal number one. I do think it’s valuable to recognize the tension when we think about the big picture for the homeschool journey.
Our pastors are preaching through Exodus right now. A couple of weeks ago, one of them pointed out that God tells Moses to go tell Pharaoh what to do. God also tells Moses that Pharaoh is not going to do it. Even though Pharaoh wasn’t going to do what Moses said, Moses still had to go tell him what to do. I really related to that as a homeschooling mom because I was like, I have no guaranteed outcome but that’s not a justification for not homeschooling when I have been inspired that homeschooling is the best fit for my family. I was like, yes, I relate to you, Moses. No, guarantee, but I’m still going to do it.
Then we’re back around to the tension of being responsible to someone so responsible to do the homeschooling without being responsible for them. In my graduate school program right now, on spiritual formation, our instructor beautifully presented the distinction between being responsible to someone and for someone, and those distinctions apply to me in my role as a homeschooling mom, because I believe that I’m responsible to be faithful with the gifts that God has given me and to serve the people that God has called me to serve and to hone my skills as a home educator and to focus my attention on my work, to be present, and to partner with God in all of it.
I’m not responsible for my children’s impulsive or unhealthy or sinful behaviors, attitudes, anxieties, ideas, feelings, thoughts, or actions because I do not have the power to change them, I don’t. That is really a difficult fact to accept as a mom, that you do not have the power to change that person that you’re actually in charge of. In my responsibility to my children, I can establish circumstances and expectations for certain behavior, of course, of course, but we all know because we ourselves are persons that no one has the power to change another person. You know that in yourself, That another person doesn’t have the power to change me. Only God has the power to change me.
Where I’ve struggled in the past, and my instructor also had a really, really beautiful way of saying this. Let me see if I can find her exact words in this. She says, and this is where I struggled, “In succumbing to the temptation to connect or attach my inner confidence and joy to the overall success or failure or flourishing or growth or stagnation of my children,” and I thought that’s it because it’s not that we don’t set up circumstances and have expectations about our children’s behavior, but when I succumb to the temptation to connect or attach my inner confidence and my inner joy to the overall success or failure or flourishing or growth of my children, then that’s a crushing burden.
Then that’s the distinction. My joy cannot depend upon how my children respond to what I set up for them, my expectations of their– The question that now I ask myself better is, can I confidently and joyfully step back and trust that God is going to do something in the lives of my children, that He is working in the lives of my children? I think that’s a constant question that I ask myself, can I trust that God is working in them like He isn’t working in me?
I do think there were times when I wanted a specific outcome as evidence of all the hard work I put in because homeschooling is hard and it was basically, if you’re a carpenter and you’re building a table you’ve got the table to show. I think I wanted something to show for my effort because it’s a lot of effort. There were times when I experienced a lot of disappointment and frustration, guilt and resentment because that’s not– I don’t have a product because their children aren’t products, and that I recognize that was really more about my pride than anything else.
I think when we’re talking about day-to-day nitty gritty, that’s a lot of theory, but I do think the most valuable practice for me is to keep an internal perspective as I do my work and that is taking time to attend to my own spiritual growth and formation and not solely focusing on the outcomes that involve my kids.
Amy: That is so good. I almost wish I could pause and rewind and listen to what you said again, but I guess I’ll just wait until this publishes. It was so important because we can put our identity, our sense of joy, peace, all of those things into our children, and it’s a good thing what we’re wanting like you were saying, of course, it’s a good thing to want them to love the Lord. It’s a good thing for us to want them to live a happy, productive, hardworking life. All of these things are good things to desire but when that good thing, and I can’t remember who said that, but someone–
I remember hearing a teacher say that when a good thing becomes an idol, you know because when you don’t get it, your emotions are all agitated. You get angry or upset because you didn’t get it and that shows you that it had actually superseded God in your mind. That good thing, those good desires always have to be below our desire to honor and love and trust the Lord, right? Not what we can get out of Him, not this result, but just we answer to Him, and that it has to be where our peace comes from. Because otherwise, our emotions will just go all over the place.
You have a really good day, all the kids get along, you check off all the school subjects, the kitchen’s relatively clean, maybe you even did a little laundry, and you’re like, I’m doing great, this is wonderful. Then the next day, the toddler has a poopy diaper in the middle of the living room and nobody gets along and everything’s going haywire, and you’re like, I’m a failure, everything’s terrible. You just can’t live your life like that back and forth, depending on the circumstances. Your identity has to be outside of yourself, something a lot more stable than your children.
Lisa: Exactly, exactly. That’s it on the nose. [chuckles]
Amy: Well, you mentioned there at the end about how you focused on your own spiritual formation and how that has brought clarity to this idea that we’re talking about. I know you’ve talked about how important you think it is for homeschooling moms to have some intentionality about their own spiritual growth. Why is this important? I think we’ve already started to talk about it, but why is this important, and then how can a Christian homeschool mom prioritize her own Christian spiritual formation, her relationship with the Lord in the midst of what can be sleeplessness, poopy diapers, all of the mess that is the mom, especially the homeschool mom life?
Lisa: Yes. The spiritual formation for moms and any full-time caregiver, it’s just on my mind constantly these days because I think I know I would’ve experienced more joy and peace through the years homeschooling if I had known more about my spiritual formation. I really do want to encourage moms, especially homeschooling moms, because I think we’re a unique bunch in that we are with our kids 24/7 for years on end usually. It’s not a season, it’s your life, your adult life. If you homeschool for decades, that’s your adult life, so it’s not– being fully with your kids all the time is not like a toddler season like some people might experience.
I wasn’t especially familiar with the specific term spiritual formation until relatively recently. I think I was more familiar with the term sanctification but I like the author Dallas Willard’s take on it. He says, let’s see if I have another quote. He says, if I can find it, oh, he says, everyone gets a spiritual formation. The question is what kind? We are being formed, our spirit is being formed. What is it being formed into? Another one of my instructors in my graduate program, she clarifies the concept of spiritual formation by asking, are we being formed toward peace, wholeness, and Christlikeness, or are we being formed around something else?
We as Christians are formed into Christlikeness as we engage with Jesus. As we interact with Him, watch what He does in the word, and be in His presence, and some of the ways that, time-tested ways of engaging with Jesus is through spiritual disciplines of like prayer, very common, people know these, fasting, worship, silence, and solitude, and so I was personally really encouraged in my spiritual growth through silence and solitude. To me, silence and solitude is a different practice than quiet time because I practiced quiet time all of my adult life, which basically was more of studying scripture and prayer.
Silence and solitude for me involved meditating on a short passage of scripture, then praying, and then sitting quietly in God’s presence. Different than studying and it’s the sitting quietly in God’s presence part that was different for me than doing quiet time before. There are a whole lot of resources that explain silence and solitude because it’s an ancient Christian practice, but I don’t think I’ve ever run across one yet that really talks about it from the point of view of a mom.
Our church is studying together. We’re reading together Dietrich Bonhoeffer’s Life Together, and we were discussing the chapter on the day alone, and the moms in our group were literally laughing out loud when he started talking about silence and solitude. It makes me pause and think, ask myself and I literally asked the moms as we were in this group talking, what narrative are we accepting that we think it’s impossible to expect to practice silence and solitude as a mom, and especially as a mom of young kids? Because I know I must have somehow picked up a narrative that those are not practices that I can expect to experience as a mom of young kids or some that I’m in charge of all the time.
I started examining my own attitudes and I don’t know, expectations surrounding silence and solitude because within my graduate program I’m now in, during the residency period that we have, we have a week-long residency period each semester and I had the opportunity to really experience silence and solitude because I was there by myself. I benefited so much from that. I experienced so much strengthening, so much peace, so much joy in these practices, and now I have only one teenager at home, so my day is not interrupted.
I can go practice silence and solitude every day without an issue. What I keep thinking about is how much more equipped to homeschool, joyfully and peacefully I would’ve been if I had started those practices much earlier. I know I could have asked Joey, I know I could have said, hey, Joey, during this time of the day, whether it’s every day or whatever, we would’ve worked something out to enable me to have whatever, 20 minutes of silence and solitude. I didn’t even consider the possibility because somehow I had accepted a narrative that that wasn’t an option for me as a mom of a bunch of kids.
I’m really hoping to encourage moms to ask God to show them how they can incorporate the practices of silence and solitude specifically into their lives and talk to your family about that, like how that could work in your daily routine. Because I find those practices so exponentially encouraging and strengthening and equipping that it’s worthwhile to try to see how you can incorporate those.
I do have a resource I brought to show that I think if you’re like, where do I start with this? This is a book that really, I really, I don’t know if you– This is Jan Johnson’s Savoring God’s Word if you needed something to start, if someone needed something to start with. I think she might have a PDF for free online, but anyway.
Amy: I think that’s such a valuable reminder, especially when you’re a mom with a bunch of little kids and there’s all the jokes where you go into the bathroom and you can’t even go to the bathroom by yourself or shower or all these things. I think sometimes we have in our head that if we don’t have these huge chunks of time, then it doesn’t count. I don’t have a huge chunk of time to read the Bible or to study the Bible, so it doesn’t count. I don’t have this huge chunk of time to pray, so it doesn’t count. I don’t have a huge chunk of silence time like you were describing, so it doesn’t count, but when you think about how essential it is for us to continue to grow in our relationship with the Lord, to find ways to prioritize it and also to, I guess, see those small moments where we have, that it’s not all or nothing or nothing, to see those small moments as the opportunities they are.
I know for myself, when it comes to silence or even prayer, it’s very easy now for me to always have input going on which I love as an extrovert. I love having constant input, so I barely ever am in silence even though my kids are older because I’m listening to a podcast or music or talking to a friend or something like that. Even just prioritizing a time to like, I’m going to go take a walk and not listen to anything, that’s actually very hard for me but that can be a really good opportunity to be silent before the Lord, to pray, to meditate on his word, those things.
Even that, sometimes it might just be what do you not turn on in that moment while you’re washing dishes, you’re not having to like be in a special fancy place for an hour and a half for it to count but maybe this means wash the dishes without music and just pray.
Lisa: I’m so glad you mentioned walking because walking is a super, super great opportunity for solitude and silence. Sometimes that feels maybe easier to incorporate in your day. Even though I’m going for a walk now and whoever’s in charge of the people who need to have supervision knows you’re just going for a walk, and like you said, don’t plug in, but use that time. Yes.
Amy: Yes. That is a really good encouragement. Thank you. Lisa, this has been such a great conversation. I’m really excited to get to share this with everyone this season. Before you go, I’ve got to ask you the questions that I ask all of my guests. The first is just what are you personally reading lately? I have a feeling there’s probably a lot of fascinating books.
Lisa: Yes. I am reading a lot of books for my graduate program. Lots and lots of books, which is great. I’m also obviously reading a lot of books with my daughter in morning time. What I’m reading for my personal reading right now is I’m reading Karen Swallow Prior’s The Evangelical Imagination, which is really interesting. My novel I’m reading right now is Elmer Gantry by Sinclair Lewis. I am reading a Margaret Coombs biography of Charlotte Mason, which is very interesting. She has researched some additional information, and it’s helpful and interesting to get a bigger picture of Charlotte Mason. Then I’m also reading Adam Grant’s Hidden Potential for another book club.
Amy: Those all sound great. Lisa, what would be your best tip for helping the homeschool day run more smoothly?
Lisa: For me personally, the best tip that has carried me through 32 years of homeschooling is to have a routine of the day, but not a strict time schedule. We know what’s going next and next and next and next, but we don’t have a strict time schedule, and for the mom to start the day with silence and solitude if at all possible. [chuckles]
Amy: Oh, that is great. Lisa, thank you so much for sharing your wisdom and your perspective with us today. If people wanted to connect with you online, what is the best way for them to do that?
Lisa: I would love that. I love to connect. My older two daughters and I have an Instagram account, a homeschooling Instagram account that is @generationalhomeschooling. Just all generational homeschooling, one big word. Mostly what I put on there are my walks every morning. It’s my accountability. Look what pretty thing I saw today outside. Also, Joey and I wrote a series of high school science books. You can find us there and connect with us there at FriendlySciences.com. That’s our landing place.
I also just, just started another Instagram account. We’ll see what I can get going on this. It’s going to be a landing place for all of my things. I’m thinking about spiritual formation for moms, and it’s called spiritualformationfor_moms. We’ll see what I– I would love, I would love to share some ongoing ideas about how we can, as moms, give some attention to our spiritual formation. Especially as homeschooling moms.
Amy: That is awesome. I will have all those links over in the show notes for this episode at humilityanddoxology.com. I hope people go and connect with you over on Instagram and those places. For those who are listening, if this conversation was encouraging, I would love for you to tell a friend. Word of mouth is still one of the best ways that podcasts are discovered. Tell a friend about this episode. Send them the link and leave a rating and review for homeschool conversations wherever you’re listening. I will chat with you again soon.