It’s Time to Talk to Your Kids About Porn with Greta Eskridge

Pornography exposure and addiction are difficult topics, but they are increasingly relevant for families navigating the digital age. As parents, we want to protect our children while fostering open, grace-filled conversations that equip them for the challenges they may face. Whether you’re concerned about your child’s exposure to pornography, struggling with a spouse’s addiction, or dealing with your own battle, you are not alone. In this post, we’ll explore practical steps for responding with compassion, setting healthy boundaries, and finding hope in the midst of struggle. Keep reading for tips and strategies you can apply today.

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Meet Greta Eskridge: A Second-Generation Homeschooling Mom

Greta Eskridge is a second-generation homeschooling mom of four, wife to Aaron for 26 years, and an advocate for connection, adventure, and preserving childhood. Growing up in the 80s and early 90s, Greta was homeschooled when the movement was still in its pioneering days—her family initially knew only one other homeschooling family in their entire town. After experiencing homeschooling firsthand, she later became a public high school English teacher before choosing to homeschool her own children.

Now, Greta combines her love of homeschooling with writing and speaking, encouraging families across the country. She is the author of Adventuring Together , 100 Days of Adventure, and It’s Time to Talk To Your Kids About Porn, and she hosts The Greta Eskridge Podcast. Living in sunny Southern California, she finds joy in outdoor adventures, particularly tide pooling and hiking, as well as savoring good books and plenty of coffee—especially as she navigates the busy season of launching a new book.

Why We Must Talk to Our Kids About Pornography

Greta shares that she wasn’t exposed to pornography as a child or teenager. Growing up in the ’80s and ’90s, access to pornography required effort—it wasn’t instantly available on a device in your pocket. However, her perspective changed dramatically when, years into her marriage, her husband confessed to struggling with pornography addiction.

This revelation was shocking to Greta. Her husband was a loving father, a faithful Christian, and a hard-working provider. He didn’t fit the stereotype of what she thought a pornography user looked like. But as she walked alongside him through his journey of healing, she began to realize the profound impact pornography has not just on users but also on their families.

Determined to protect her children and equip them with tools she never had, Greta started researching and having conversations about pornography. At first, even her friends were hesitant—this was a topic no one talked about. But she quickly realized that many parents were looking for guidance, unsure of how to broach the subject with their children.

Her book was born from this need. It is both a resource and a call to action, reminding parents that silence leaves their children vulnerable in a world where pornography is aggressively marketed to young audiences.

Why Parents Can’t Ignore This Conversation

Many parents today—especially those who grew up in conservative or homeschooling families—never had these conversations themselves. I shared with Greta how I was fortunate that my parents talked openly about difficult topics, but I know that’s not the norm. For many, the challenge isn’t just discussing the issue—it’s not knowing where to start.

Greta reassures parents that it’s okay to feel awkward. In fact, she encourages families to “be awkward together.” In her own home, she has worked hard to create a culture where these conversations are normal, even if they feel uncomfortable at first. Over time, open communication becomes easier, and children gain confidence in discussing difficult subjects.

A Call to Boldness

Greta doesn’t sugarcoat the reality—there’s a battle for our children’s hearts and minds, and pornography companies are actively trying to turn them into customers. The discomfort we feel about talking about this issue pales in comparison to the dangers of ignoring it.

She encourages parents to be bold, to push past their fears, and to intentionally cultivate safe spaces where their kids know they can ask questions and share their thoughts without shame.

By having these conversations, parents can equip their children to recognize and resist the harmful messages of pornography, protecting both their minds and their hearts.

It may feel intimidating at first, but with persistence and courage, these conversations can become a normal, healthy part of family life. And in the long run, that openness will serve our children far better than silence ever could.

But this could never happen to MY kids…

It’s understandable that Christian homeschool parents might believe that by carefully curating their children’s environment—limiting technology, choosing wholesome books, and maintaining a safe home—they can fully shield their kids from harmful influences. While these efforts can provide a significant layer of protection, they are not a foolproof guarantee. Greta points out that exposure to pornography, for example, is not just a risk for public school kids; it can happen anywhere—on a homeschool field trip, at church, while playing a video game, or even through a simple online search for a school project. The assumption that homeschooling acts as an impenetrable barrier can create a false sense of security, leading parents to neglect crucial conversations about what to do when—not if—their child encounters inappropriate content.

The reality is that children today are at risk of exposure to pornography at a young age, with experts estimating an average exposure age of 8-11 years old. Even if a parent successfully protects their child through high school, what happens when they leave home? Without prior discussions and preparation, young adults may face these challenges unprepared. Rather than placing hope in a controlled environment, Christian parents should focus on equipping their children with wisdom, discernment, and an understanding of how to navigate the inevitable encounters with harmful content. Open conversations, biblical guidance, and an emphasis on God’s grace and truth are essential in preparing children to stand firm in a world where complete isolation is impossible.

The Damaging Impact of Objectification

Many in today’s culture argue that pornography is just a normal part of life, but its widespread acceptance doesn’t mean it’s harmless. One of the most damaging effects of pornography is the way it changes how people view others. Greta Eskridge explains that pornography is built on objectification—turning human beings into objects to be used and discarded. Even if it’s just an image on a screen, the person behind that image is real, made in God’s image, and worthy of dignity and respect. When someone consumes pornography, they begin to see not just those on the screen but all people as objects rather than individuals with thoughts, emotions, and value beyond their physical appearance. This distorted perspective can negatively affect marriages, family relationships, friendships, and even the way people view themselves.

Beyond warping one’s perception of others, pornography also deeply impacts the person using it. It alters brain chemistry, contributing to anxiety, depression, and even self-hatred. Eskridge points out that much of today’s pornography is violent, meaning users are unknowingly exposing themselves to trauma, which affects their mental and emotional well-being. This is particularly concerning when it comes to children, who may encounter pornography before they are old enough to understand its impact. Rather than seeing sexuality as a good and beautiful gift from God, they may associate it with stress, shame, and unrealistic expectations. Addressing this issue isn’t about fear-mongering but about protecting the hearts and minds of our children, helping them understand the true value of people, relationships, and God’s design for love and intimacy.

Practical, Age-Appropriate Guidance for Talking to Our Kids About Porn

When it comes to discussing pornography with our children, parents often feel overwhelmed. How do we start the conversation? What do we say at different ages? Greta Eskridge provides practical, age-appropriate guidance to help parents navigate this important topic in a way that is clear, compassionate, and effective.

Elementary

For younger children, ages six to eight, the conversation can be simple and straightforward. Eskridge suggests a script like this:

“Hey, sweetheart, I need to talk to you about something called pornography. Pornography is bad for your body, your brain, and your heart. It’s my job to keep you safe from all the things that could hurt you, so I need to tell you what pornography is and what to do if you see it. Pornography is pictures or movies of people who have no clothes on. We don’t show other people our privates, and we don’t look at theirs. If you ever see pictures or movies like that on a screen—maybe while playing a video game, using a tablet, or on someone’s phone—I want you to do a few things. Turn off the device, walk away, and come tell me or another trusted adult. You won’t be in trouble. We love you and want to keep you safe.”

At this stage, the goal is to provide the least amount of information necessary to keep children safe. They don’t need complex details—just a clear understanding of what pornography is and an action plan if they encounter it.

Tweens and Teens

For older children and teens, the conversation shifts slightly but remains rooted in love and safety. Even if a teen already knows what pornography is, Eskridge encourages parents to address it directly:

“Sweetheart, I need to talk to you about something called pornography. You may have heard of it before, or maybe you’ve even seen it. Maybe you know someone who has. I should have talked to you about this earlier, and I’m sorry for waiting so long, but it’s not too late. Pornography is dangerous, and I want to help keep you safe. I want you to hear the truth about it from me, not from the internet or your friends. If you ever see pornography, you need a plan. You can turn off the screen, walk away, and come talk to me. You won’t be in trouble. If you have already seen pornography, or if you’re curious or struggling, I want you to know that I am on your team. I love you, and I want to support you.”

By approaching the topic with love and open communication, parents create a safe space where their children can come to them without fear of shame or punishment. Eskridge highlights that children need to know that encountering pornography isn’t their fault. Just as a parent would protect their child from someone dangerous entering their home, they also want to protect their children from harmful content.

It’s important to make sure children know that if they stumble upon something inappropriate, they are not to blame. I tell my own children, “If tricky people or sneaky, evil people try to come into my living room to hurt you, they are the problem, not you.” This analogy helps children understand that their parents’ concern is rooted in love and protection, not punishment.

By having these conversations early and often, parents can equip their children with the knowledge and confidence to navigate the digital world wisely. These discussions, though sometimes uncomfortable, build trust and reinforce the message that children can always turn to their parents for guidance and support.

Parenting Without Fear

Greta Eskridge emphasizes the importance of a parent’s posture and emotional state when discussing pornography with their children. She acknowledges that her own trauma initially made it difficult to talk about the topic without fear and anxiety, but over time, she learned to approach it with a calm and compassionate demeanor. She shares an example of using real-life situations—such as seeing inappropriate images on a car—to spark organic, thoughtful conversations rather than reacting with fear or anger. By fostering a tone of grace and understanding, she aims to help her children see that even those who engage with pornography deserve compassion. This approach reassures children that if they ever struggle with pornography themselves, they can come to their parents without shame, knowing they will be met with love, grace, and hope for restoration.

How to Respond When Your Child Has Been Exposed to Pornography

Greta Eskridge emphasizes the importance of responding with grace and compassion when a child has been exposed to pornography. She advises parents to pray in advance for the ability to respond with peace rather than reacting with fear, anger, or disappointment. In the moment, the first response should be to acknowledge the child’s experience with empathy, saying something like, “I’m so sorry that you saw that. I want to help you.” Physical reassurance, like a hug, can be helpful, and parents should avoid immediately jumping to punishments or drastic tech restrictions. While discussions about safety and recovery are necessary, they should come later. The priority is to let the child know they are loved, supported, and not alone in processing their experience.

Resources to Help With Porn Addiction

Greta Eskridge offers encouragement to those struggling with pornography addiction—whether personally, in their marriage, or with a child—reminding them that “God’s story never ends in ashes.” While the journey may feel overwhelming, she reassures listeners that healing and hope are possible. Even when a loved one’s choices are out of our control, God is still at work in individual hearts and lives. She shares that her husband now provides support and accountability to others overcoming addiction, emphasizing the importance of community and help. Greta also suggests several resources, including Fight for Love Ministries for wives of addicted spouses, Pure Desire for those seeking recovery, and books tailored to men and women struggling with pornography.

• For a wife who is dealing with a partner or spouse who is walking though porn use or addiction, Greta recommends this book and this organization for help.
• For anyone looking for help with recovery, Greta highly recommends this ministry. They are especially helpful with men who are struggling and wives who are dealing with betrayal trauma. 
• For women who are dealing with porn use and addiction, Greta recommends this book.

Navigating the issue of pornography in your family can feel overwhelming, but remember—there is hope, healing, and support available. By approaching these conversations with grace, establishing a foundation of trust, and utilizing the right resources, you can help your loved ones walk a path toward freedom and redemption. No matter where you or your family members are in this journey, God’s story never ends in ashes. If you’re looking for additional help, be sure to check out the recommended books and ministries linked above. You are not alone, and there is always a way forward.

Listen to the full podcast episode “It’s Time to Talk To Your Kids About Porn with Greta Eskridge” on  Homeschool Conversations with Humility and Doxology

Greta Eskridge is a second-generation homeschooling mom to four and wife of twenty-six years to Aaron. She is passionate about creating connection, preserving childhood and chasing adventure. Along with loving nature, books and coffee, Greta is the host of the popular Greta Eskridge Podcast, the author of Adventuring Together and 100 Days of Adventure, and she travels the country as a speaker, encouraging families to create connection in a disconnected world. Eskridge lives in sunny southern California with her artist husband, Aaron, and their four kids – one young adult and three teens.

Find Greta Eskridge Online

• Books
• Instagram
• Website
• Podcast

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Check out all the other interviews in my Homeschool Conversations series!

Amy Sloan: Hello, friends. Today, I am joined by Greta Eskridge, who is a second-generation homeschooling mom to four and wife of 26 years to Erin. She is passionate about creating connection, preserving childhood, and chasing adventure. Along with loving nature, books, and coffee, Greta is the host of the popular Greta Eskridge podcast, the author of Adventuring Together and 100 Days of Adventure, and she travels the country as a speaker encouraging families to create connection in a disconnected world. She lives in sunny Southern California with her artist husband, Erin, and their four kids, one young adult and three teens. Greta, I am delighted to chat with you here today. And before we get into the main topic of our conversation, I would love it if you could tell us a little bit more about yourself, your family, and your background with homeschooling.

Greta Eskridge: Well, thanks for having me, Amy. It’s so fun to be here and just get to talk about stuff that matters. I, like you said, am a second-generation homeschooler, so my parents homeschooled my brother and I in the 80s and very early 90s. And they were pioneers. Hardly anybody was homeschooling. When we started, we knew one other homeschooling family in our whole town. And by the end of the journey, when I was a teenager, we would gather with all the homeschool families in San Diego County, which is where I grew up, which is, there is a lot of people there. And I think there were maybe like 100 families. So it was a small group, but I loved it and decided to homeschool when I had kids. Um, in between, I was a high school English teacher at public high school. It was my first time in public school. Um, and it was an adventure. I have so many great stories. I really loved it. And, um, I, I think I would have kept doing it except for the fact that I wanted to homeschool when we had our own kids. And, um, so as soon as I was pregnant with our first, um, our son, our oldest son, um, I retired from teaching. At the, you know, young age of like 27 or something and, um, started homeschooling. Cause you know, you homeschool from day one and I’ve been doing it ever since. And, um, I love it. And, um, I also get to write and to speak, um, about homeschooling and a myriad of other topics. And, um, I just love spending time with my family. Being outside is my favorite. Especially tide pools. We still live in San Diego County. So going to the beach, going tide pooling, hiking, um, yeah, those are the things that bring me joy and lots of coffee right now. A lot of coffee because I’m launching a book. So I’m super tired and I’m drinking a lot of coffee.

Amy Sloan: Well, it’s hard to have too much coffee. I guess you can, you got to hydrate alongside, right? Get the heart rate at a manageable level. But yeah, oh, one of the things, um, that I’m really excited that you’ve been sharing about, you mentioned. Your new book launching is you are, have just written and published, I guess, by the time this goes live, it will be, um, published officially. It’s Time to Talk to Your Kids About Porn. That’s the title of your new book. So I would love to hear why you decided to write this book, how your personal story impacts your perspective on pornography and why this is a topic we shouldn’t be ignoring as parents, even when maybe it feels really uncomfortable.

Greta Eskridge: Oh, those are great questions. Let’s get started. Um, well, my personal story with pornography, um, is that I was not exposed as a child or even as a teen, you know, growing up, um, in the eighties and nineties, like pornography was something you had to work hard to find. And, um, you know, it wasn’t on a phone in your pocket or next to your bed all the time. Right. I don’t recommend phones next to the bed, but let’s be real. It often is. Um, so, you know, pornography was not, uh, accessible all the time the way it is now. And so I was really fortunate that it was not, um, something that I experienced as a kid or a teenager or even a young adult. It was, um, once I was married, um, and had been married for quite a while and my husband confessed to having a porn addiction and, um, it was shocking, absolutely shocking. He did not fit the category of what I thought a person who used pornography was like. I mean, he was a loving dad. He was, uh, you know, a stable, he, he worked hard for our family. He was a good husband. He still loved Jesus. And I, I just, I couldn’t understand it. Um, but that catapulted me onto the journey of beginning to learn more about pornography and the impact it has on a person who uses it. Um, especially a person who’s dealing with addiction because I wanted to help my husband heal. Um, I wanted to help me heal. Um, I wanted to help me heal. I wanted to help me heal because I was suffering the impacts of pornography myself, not as a user, but as a person on the, you know, uh, on the, the side of being impacted by the user. Um, and so I began to learn a lot more and, um, I wanted to protect our kids. Like we both did, Erin entered into recovery and, um, both of us wanted to give our kids better tools than we were given because we were given no tools really. And that is not our parents’ fault. They had no tools. They had no tools because nobody talked about pornography, hence the name of my book. Like it’s time we have to talk about it because for so long, no one has talked about it. So many people have suffered. So many people are still suffering, especially kids. And um, what I found was when I started to learn about pornography and share with my friends at first, they were like, this is awkward. Why do you keep talking about it? Why do you keep talking about this? But also like people were responding, they did want to know more, um, because they felt like they needed tools and there weren’t a lot of tools out there. And so eventually with a lot of time and healing and learning, um, and growing, um, it’s turned into a book and I’m really excited. I never would have chosen this topic. I wish it wasn’t my topic. Um, but. Because this is the way the story played out for me and the prayer that I prayed from the very beginning was God, will you use our story for good? He has, and this book is a Testament to that.

Amy Sloan: I think it’s such an important book and I got to read a pre-release copy and highly recommend it to many families. Um, I am incredibly grateful. My parents were also homeschooling in the eighties and nineties. Um, and I talked to others. Second generation. Homeschoolers and many have similar, um, experiences to what you described. Like these were just not topics that were addressed in their family, things like that. I’m very thankful that I just assumed it was normal that every family just openly discussed these topics like minded growing up, um, or, you know, child protection issues. And, um, and it’s not common. I think even now, cause parents can just know it’s maybe important, but just feel like, I know my parents didn’t talk to me about it. I don’t even know where to start. Like, what would I even say to my kids? Um, and so just sort of making, not only helping parents understand why it’s important, but also giving them those tools to like, okay, let’s just all be awkward together. And that’s what I’ll tell my kids sometimes when we’re talking about some of these things, I’m like, look, this is still awkward for mom to talk to you about, and we’re just all going to be awkward together. Cause it’s important.

Greta Eskridge: Yeah, exactly. And, and that’s the thing is that we do have to be brave and we do have to be brave. We have to be brave. We have to be bold because, um, like honestly, like we’re at war for our kids, um, their hearts, their, their minds, their physical safety, because pornography is going after customers and they want your kid to be their customer. And so we do have to be bold. We do have to say, um, this is uncomfortable or maybe it’s scary, or maybe it’s painful. You know, pornography brings up a lot of really difficult emotions. And, um, in all of us for, you know, and it, it, it spans the spectrum of what it could be that we’re feeling and that can keep us from wanting to talk to our kids, but we have to get past it for their sake and, um, and it’s, it ends up not being as difficult as we think. Um, it, it can be scary and we can say, you know, they’re kind of the wrong thing and we can feel awkward. But what I have found is the more we do it. Um, it, it can be scary and we can say, you know, they’re kind of the wrong thing and we can feel awkward. But what I have found is the more we do it, the more we talk, the more we create this open, um, safe culture in our homes, that it becomes, I don’t know what it’s like in your family, but in my family, sometimes I’m like, okay, we are too comfortable. Like we can talk about anything. And especially when people come from other families, like my son’s girlfriends. And I’m like, oh, sorry guys, we’re really comfortable talking about all the things in our family. And it could be awkward. It could be awkward for other people, but I’m so glad we’ve created that culture. It didn’t start that way. The beginning, I felt nervous and uncomfortable and scared, but man, with, with repeated effort and courage and just the determination to do things different, it does get easier. Yeah. Oh, I love that.

Amy Sloan: I can imagine though, maybe there’s a parent listening and they’re thinking like, but I homeschool, right? Like that would never happen to my kids because I’m, you know, keeping them safe. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. They come from technology and they don’t have a cell phone too young and we’re reading all the right books and you know, everything’s going to be okay. Right. So I know it’s not, but why is that a false place to put our hope that somehow we’ve sheltered our children and kept them in a safe bubble?

Greta Eskridge: Um, that is so fantastic for you to bring up because I remember feeling that exact same way. And when our kids are young, especially as homeschool parents, there is an element of, um, an element of, um, protection we can offer them that is less available if they’re, you know, um, in a classroom in second grade working on their own Chromebook, right. Um, or riding the school bus, um, next to kids who have their own phones and are unmonitored on that school bus. But that doesn’t mean our kid couldn’t be exposed anywhere, um, even in our own home. And it might be when they’re a little older. It might not be. Yeah. The age of exposure is 11, um, but a lot of experts say it’s as young as eight. So it might not be when they’re eight, 10, 11 years old, it could be in high school. It could be after high school, like praise God, if you could give your kids the benefit of an entire childhood free from porn exposure, but what happens after what happens if you have not talked to them and prepared them, um, for porn exposure after 18. So we have to deal with it. Whether, um, it’s going to happen when they’re younger or older as homeschooling parents, we still have to face it because the reality is it could happen when they’re playing a video game. Um, it could happen while they’re like doing research for a PR, you know, a project for your homeschool, uh, online. It could happen at church. It could happen, um, with fellow homeschoolers while you’re at, you know, um, a field trip or a play date because. Not everybody else has the same boundaries. In place that you have for safe tech use. So as homeschoolers, we can’t think that homeschooling provides this magical, like force field to bounce porn off of it and to keep our kids safe. We have to accept the reality is not. If our kids get exposed, but when, and again, that could be when your kid is even out of high school, but that doesn’t mean you don’t prepare them long before then.

Amy Sloan: And pornography is in so many ways, just a normalized part of our culture now. Um, and so someone might wonder, like, is this really such a big deal? Does this topic even really matter, you know, are we making a big deal about nothing? Cause it seems like everybody is just sort of accepting that this is a normal part of, of development or a normal part of life now. So what are the consequences of a hyper-sexualized objectifying worldview? Yeah.

Greta Eskridge: Um, I’m so glad you said objectifying, because I think that that is one of the biggest issues with pornography is it changed with pornography use. It changes the way you view other people because pornography is about objectification and what objectification is, is it’s turning a human being into an object, into something that you use, um, and for your own personal gain. And then cast aside. You’re done. And yes, even if it is an image on the screen, it is still a person that actually is still a person, a real live living, breathing human being who is made in the image of God. And when you use them, um, for your own, uh, satisfaction and, and it causes you not to see them, not to respect them, to honor them as a person made in God’s image. Um, and then what begins to happen is that filters into. Not just the way we view that person on the screen, but how we view all of humanity. So it can impact relationships with, in your marriage, with your family, with your children, with friends, even with strangers, because you begin to view people as victims, people you can use for, you know, whatever personal gain it is instead of as human beings, people who are creative. Who are humorous, who have something more to offer than just their sexual body parts and your satisfaction. So, um, it changes the way we view other people and, um, it changes even the way we view ourselves again, made in God’s image, um, designed for a purpose. And, um, that to me is one of the greatest damages pornography, um, does to the person who’s using it. Um. And that’s just one of the things, but I think, gosh, we want to give our kids the, uh, the opportunity to learn, to see everyone as people who God made and, um, that they are worthy, like I said, of respect and honor. And so we want to pour that into them and pornography does the absolute opposite.

Amy Sloan: I liked that you brought up that it even changes the way we view ourselves, right? Because. It can change the way that we feel in that situation, but I also wanted to make sure that, you know, anybody who has it’s, it’s impacting the way we view ourselves. It’s impacting the way we think about who we are and other image bearers, right? Like it’s impacting like literally our brain, our brain chemistry, not only our soul, but our physical body too, because we’re, you know, we’re both. And so it, it’s doing damage to the one who is experiencing, you know, using pornography as well. And so it’s not, you know, what could go wrong?

Greta Eskridge: Right. Just actually, just this morning, my husband and I were talking about the, the way pornography use causes anxiety and depression, stress in the person who’s using it, because what they’re, what they’re engaging in, even though it’s on a screen, what they’re filling their brain with is trauma. They’re, because, and, and so much more. So now than ever before, because so much of pornography is violent. And so the person who’s engaging with pornography is, is consuming trauma that has a huge impact on their like on every part of them, especially their soul, their spirit, their mental health. And, and so we find a person who’s using pornography, whether they’re using it regularly or just occasionally, it has an impact. Their, their mental health suffers. There is increased anxiety, depression, self-hatred. And those are not things that, that we want our kids to deal with. We don’t want anyone to deal with it, of course, but especially when we’re talking about children, like that should not be their experience when they’re learning about sexual, about sexuality. And about the way sex looks like that should not be what they’re experiencing. It shouldn’t be something that is stressful and traumatic. And so we do, we have to address that aspect of it as well.

Amy Sloan: Yeah. Well, so now we’re, we’re convinced. Okay. This is important. We need to talk to our kids about, and then it’s like, oh, okay. So what do I say? How do I do this? Can you give some tips or maybe even examples of ways to initiate conversations on this topic with children at different stages of development?

Greta Eskridge: Yes. This is one of my favorite parts because I think like, I want to be practical and I want parents to feel equipped so they can equip their kids. And one of my favorite parts of the book is that there are actual scripts in the book. So parents could, they’re, they can read the words. They don’t even have to try to come up with it on their own, but what you’ll be really surprised by is how quick the conversations can be. So for example, if you’re talking to your, your young, your elementary school student, six, seven, eight years old, and it’s your initial conversation, it can be as simple as this. Hey, sweetheart, I need to talk to you about something called pornography. Pornography is bad for your body, your brain, and your heart. It’s my job to keep you safe from all the things that could hurt you. And so I need to tell you what pornography is and what to do if you see it. Pornography is pictures, or movies of people who have no clothes on. We could see their privates and we know we don’t show other people our privates. We don’t look at theirs. And if you ever see pictures or movies like that on a screen, maybe while you’re playing a video game on your tablet, or you’re looking on my phone, or you’re doing stuff on the computer, or if someone shows you on their phone or their computer, maybe somebody’s older brother, or even your friend, even a grownup, what I want you to do if you see pornography, if you see those kinds of pictures or movies, you can turn the tablet off, turn the phone over, shut the computer, or if someone shows you, you can say, I don’t want to look at that. And you walk away. You walk away from the phone, the computer, the person. You come find me, or dad, or another grownup that you trust, and you say, I think I just saw pornography. Can you help me? And we will. We want to keep you safe. You will not be in trouble. We will not be in trouble. We will not be in trouble. We will not be in trouble. We will not be mad at you. We want to keep you safe from things that could hurt you. So do you have any questions? And they might not have a single question, because to them, you’ve just told them about something that they need to be aware of. And it’s no different than if you had said, don’t touch the stove because it’s hot. Don’t cross the street without me. It’s just another thing you need to keep them safe from. So the conversation is short. I always say you give them the least amount of details to keep them the most safe. They don’t need details. They don’t need to know the ins and outs of pornography. They just need to know what it is, what to do if they see it. And they just need that plan. So that’s for the younger kids. If you’re going to talk to, say, your teenager, because parents will be like, well, I can’t talk to my teenager. They already know what it is. Maybe they’ve seen it. It’s too late. I should have done it sooner. I think that’s the exact tactic we need to take with our older kids. Because even homeschooled kids, if they’re an older teen and they’ve spent time just out in the world, there’s a great chance they’ve heard about pornography. There’s even a chance they’ve seen it at that age. And so we can be really honest with them. And in the same way, sweetheart, I need to talk to you about something called pornography. And you might tell from their body language at that point that they’re like, oh. Whoa. Mom, it’s uncomfortable. Why are you saying this? They might just turn a little pale. They might not. They might not know what you’re talking about. But you can then just carry on with. Maybe it’s something you’ve heard of. Maybe you know someone who has seen pornography. Maybe you have. Or maybe this is brand new. But I need to talk to you about it. Because I shouldn’t have waited so long. We should have talked about it a while ago. And I’m sorry. But I want to talk about it now because it’s something that is dangerous and bad for you. And I want to keep you safe from it. And then you tell them the exact same thing you said to the little kids. You tell them what it is, even if they know. Just they need to hear from you, not from what Google says, not from what they’ve heard from friends or people at youth group or whatever. They need to hear from you. Tell them what it is. Tell them what to do if they see it. They need an escape. Plan. And then be sure to say, if you have seen pornography already or you know somebody who has and you have questions, if you feel curious, if you feel bad, you can tell me. I am on your team. I love you. I want to support you.

Amy Sloan: I think that’s so beautiful and such a good encouragement because one of the things you talked about with both the younger ones and the older ones is you’re coming from this place. They know. It’s because you love them and you want to keep them safe and not like, I don’t want you to do this bad thing, right? It’s not bad. It’s I love you. I want to keep you safe. And to have that kind of attitude even as we talk to our kids about many topics. One of the things I’ve told them is if you’re researching something or you accidentally stumble on something, that’s not your fault and you’re not in trouble. Please come tell me because if tricky people, sneaky evil people try to come into my living room. And hurt you, then they’re the ones who are the problem, not you. And so, you know, just helping them know that like you’re a safe place to talk so that they don’t then think they have to hide or like, oh, I can’t tell mom. Like she’d be so ashamed of me. She’d be so upset with me, right? But that we have that. If we’ve had the conversation, hopefully they’ll know I can, okay, mom knows about this, right? I can talk to her about that.

Greta Eskridge: Amy, that is so good. I love that. I mean, what you’ve empowered your kids with that, that, that conversation and what you said about tricky people coming into your house and your job is to keep your kids safe from that. Like that’s such a powerful image for them. Yeah. I love that. Well done, mom.

Amy Sloan: Oh, thank you to my parents. You said good. I gave good examples for me growing up too. As we start learning more, or maybe as, as parents reflect on their own, possibly painful experiences, it can start to be really scary. We start realizing, how easy it is for our children, our spouses, ourselves to be exposed to pornography or to become enslaved to it. So how can we parent well without succumbing to the fear, right? Parent from a place of hope, communicate clearly without also not having our children be totally terrified and freaked out either. I guess it’s kind of one of those tricky parenting things that happens on a lot of topics, but especially ones that feel so weighty.

Greta Eskridge: Yeah. I think so much of our like posture as we talk about it with our kids matters. And, and I know that, especially at the beginning, I failed on this because I was walking through my own trauma, my own hurt, my own grief and my own fear. And, and it was hard for me, especially in the beginning to talk about pornography without those things coming through. I tried as hard as I could, but it was hard for me to talk about pornography without those things coming through. But I know sometimes I did not do it well. But, but with time, I have, and, and continuing to talk about it, I have gotten better at just having this posture of, you know, not a tense body, not a face that feels, that looks and feels pinched and stressed. But to be really just relaxed as possible and to engage in organic, um, moments as they come up. So an example of that would be one time we were driving, we pulled up to a stoplight, the car that pulls up next to us is completely covered in anime stickers, which are, um, sometimes highly sexualized, um, like cartoon style drawings. And that’s what was, this car was covered in. And, um, rather than ignore it because we all knew it was there. We all saw it. It was, became visibly uncomfortable, like uncomfortably uncomfortable and visibly in our car, um, rather than ignore it to just say something and to ask my kids, why do you think that guy in that car thinks it’s okay for him to cover his car with those stickers and expose all of us to things that we don’t want to be exposed to? Um, do you think anybody ever talked to him about objectifying women and why that’s not, um, uh, why that’s not good for him? Um, I don’t know. I don’t know. I don’t know. I don’t know. I don’t know. I don’t for others or for us. And so changing the tone of the conversation, instead of it being about judgment and fear and anger, communicating that I have concern and care for people who are being hurt by pornography, even a person who covers his car and stickers, we don’t know his story. Maybe nobody ever told him that he shouldn’t objectify women. Can we have compassion for him? Can we have grace for him? And when we begin to, when we approach the conversation in that way, then my kids, I pray, will know that I will have compassion and grace for them. Um, and, and that has been a really helpful tool in our family for how I can parent, not from a place of fear, but from hope that even if my kids are exposed to pornography, that even if they use pornography, there is still compassion, there is still grace, and there is hope. For redemption and restoration. And I know that’s true because it happened in my own marriage. Um, so I have a whole chapter about this in the book because it is a big deal and, um, it is possible. It takes work, but thank goodness we have God on our side to help us. Yeah.

Amy Sloan: Well, how can we respond with grace and love to a child who we realize has been exposed to pornography?

Greta Eskridge: Um, I, again, that whole, posture, um, how, how can we pray in advance, um, that our posture would be one of compassion and grace? Because I think that is the key, like begin to pray even now, long before your kids ever come to you and say, mom, dad, I’ve seen pornography. Pray that God would give you, um, peace in that moment and that you would, um, not give into all those emotions that are surely going to be swirling around in your heart. Um, fear, anxiety, disappointment, anger, all of those emotions are real and valid. But if you can, um, set those aside for the moment and approach your kid and say something as simple as, I am so sorry that you saw that. Um, I want to help you and I want to, um, help you heal and to be able to hug them, touch them in the moment, um, not jump right to, um, the punishment. How you’re going to change technology. Give me your phone right now. Um, that should not be the first response. Those will come later. You’re going to need to talk about what they saw so that you can help them recover from that. You’re going to have to talk about how to change safety around tech in your house. Um, those are conversations that have to happen, but they shouldn’t be first. The first thing should be, I’m so sorry that you saw that you must be hurting right now. And if you’re not, then I’m going to have to help you. So, um, if you’re not, then I’m Or maybe you’re feeling confused or scared. Maybe you’re even feeling ashamed. You don’t have to feel any of those things. I’m here. I love you. We’re going to help you.

Amy Sloan: Well, maybe a parent who is listening is secretly addicted to pornography or their spouse or a child, a teen. What hopeful words would you give to them and then what practical resources might you suggest?

Greta Eskridge: Um, there’s a quote from a woman named Elizabeth Elliott, and she’s a woman who walked through a tremendous amount of grief and struggle in her life. And one of the things she says is she says, of one thing, I am sure God’s story never ends in ashes. And that quote just makes me so emotional because sometimes it feels like you’re just deep in ashes. Right. And. My, my encouragement is, um, God will get you through and you might be in ashes for a while, but that is not where the story ends. Um, and you can’t control what the story is for other people. So if the story is someone else’s addiction, you might not be able to, um, uh, help them affect the change that they need to. But that doesn’t mean your personal story ends in ashes. Because God is there to still work in your heart and your life. And if you are the one who’s struggling with addiction yourself, um, there is hope there is healing. There are, um, so many people out there who can provide help. My husband meets, meets weekly with other men who are walking through what he walked through and he shows up for them daily with calls and accountability. And, um, it’s miraculous. And there are people like. That who want to help. I will give you Amy some, um, a couple places for resources, whether it’s for the person who’s struggling with porn use in their own life, um, a betrayed spouse. So you’re walking through somebody else’s porn use or help for, um, for kids who are using pornography and you can put them in the show notes. Cause I want people to have access so many times. It’s just like, I don’t even know what to look for. Um, but there is help out there and, um, your story does not have to end in ashes.

Amy Sloan: I will definitely have those links and the show notes, um, as well as a link to your new book. I really encourage, uh, parents to read this. I think it would be valuable for parents, no matter what age your kid is. If you don’t even have children yet, and you’re thinking through how do, what kind of parent do I want to be? Or how can I help and support the families around me? Or if you’re like, oh no, my kids are teens and grown, and I don’t think I ever had this conversation with them. The book would be for you too, and anything in between. Um, so definitely check out the show notes. The show notes to, to grab your copy. Um, but here at the end, we will, okay, transition from a very weighty, important topic, take a pause, but we’re going to transition to the questions, to the questions I like to ask all of my guests. And so the first is just Greta, what are you personally reading lately?

Greta Eskridge: Um, okay. I gotta think I always have so many books going on. Right. Um, at the same time. So I’m reading a physical copy of. The book I’m looking, um, it’s called, we, I think it’s called, we were the lucky ones. It’s a story based on a true story, uh, takes place in world war two, a Jewish family in, um, Poland and their story of journeying through the Holocaust. I absolutely love anything about world war two. So, um, I’m reading that and then I’m listening to, um, all the Chronicles of Narnia books. Um, so I loved listening to books while I do chores. And walk and drive, um, and those books are like, just absolute comfort for my soul. So like, usually like once a year, I re-listen to the whole series cause they just bring me a lot of joy. And, um, and then I’m also reading, uh, a new book on the topic of, um, mental health and sexual addiction. So, um, yeah, just all over the place.

Amy Sloan: I think there is probably always at least two people. Okay. In my family reading or listening to Chronicles of Narnia at any, at any given time. It’s just, it’s sort of like you read the series, then you just start it over again. You can never read it too many times. Yeah. Well, the final question is what would be your best tip for turning around a homeschool day? That seems to be going completely off the rails.

Greta Eskridge: Um, go outside, just go be outside. Even if it’s in your backyard, spread a blanket, um, have your snack out there. And read your book, uh, you know, read a book aloud outside or pile in the car, go to some beautiful nature spot and do the same thing, or don’t even read a book and just walk and be together and experience the like restorative power of God’s creation. That’s my number one.

Amy Sloan: We are finally getting hints of spring here in North Carolina. We had snow last week, but the good thing about North Carolina snow is you enjoy it for like two days. And then it goes away. And now we’re like 76 today. So we’ve just been soaking up all of the sunshine.

Greta Eskridge: I forget sometimes because I live in Southern California that it’s February. Is it still February? Yes. It is. And well, when we’re recording, it’ll be March. You guys hear this, but still that’s not spring for everyone, but for us, it’s like, like 75 and sunny. And so I’m like, oh, not everybody can just go outside and spread a blanket on the snow. Some of us might have to bundle up first, depending on where you live. And have hot chocolate outside, but still go outside. That’s my number one tip.

Amy Sloan: Greta, where can people find you all around the internet?

Greta Eskridge: I’m most active on Instagram. So you can find me there. My handle is ma and pa modern, but you can also just look up Greta Eskridge and I’ll pop right up. You can also find me on my website, gretaeskridge.com and my podcast, the Greta Eskridge podcast, wherever you love podcasts listening. I’ll be there. So those are my places.

Amy Sloan: Fabulous. And I will have links to those things and the show notes for this episode over at humilityanddoxology.com. Thank you so much for taking the time, Greta, to be here and to speak with us today and to anyone who is listening or watching. This is such a valuable and important topic. I’m glad you were here. Please take a time to send this episode to a friend that you think could use this encouragement. And until next time, happy homeschooling.