When you’re balancing homeschooling with caregiving responsibilities, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed. Add in the emotional toll of caring for a child with medical needs, and it can be hard to find time and energy for self-care, managing sibling relationships, or even fulfilling everyday homeschooling tasks. However, with thoughtful strategies and a focus on God’s truth, it’s possible to navigate this challenging season with grace. In this Homeschool Conversation, Katie Waalkes from Life in the Mundane and I explore practical tips gleaned from our personal experience to help you prioritize your emotional well-being, support your children, and find balance amidst the chaos.

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- Homeschooling with Medical Needs: A Flexible and Vital Choice
- The Flexibility of Homeschooling During Health Challenges
- Navigating the Challenges of Homeschooling During a Medical Crisis
- Creating a Flexible Homeschool Schedule for Medical Needs
- Prioritizing Social and Emotional Health for Your Medical Needs Child
- Adaptations for Children With Mobility Limitations or Chronic Pain
- Appropriate Goals and Individualized Progress
- Self-Care for the Parent Caregiver
- Supporting Siblings
- Key Takeaways
- Listen to the full podcast episode “Practical Tips for Homeschooling Kids with Medical Needs with Katie Waalkes” on Homeschool Conversations with Humility and Doxology
- Find Katie Waalkes Online
- You May Also Enjoy
Homeschooling with Medical Needs: A Flexible and Vital Choice
Katie Waalkes, a second-generation homeschooler and mother of six, shares her experience of homeschooling children with medical needs, specifically her daughter Rachel, who has 22q11.2 deletion syndrome. Over the years, Katie’s approach to homeschooling has evolved from a choice to nurture a love of learning to a necessity due to the medical complexities her children face. Rachel, who has undergone 22 surgeries by the age of 12, struggles with a range of issues including hearing loss, feeding difficulties, and juvenile arthritis. Homeschooling has allowed her family the flexibility to manage Rachel’s medical care while still prioritizing education. For Katie, this adaptability has been crucial in balancing the demands of multiple children with special medical needs.
This perspective resonates with my family’s experience as well. I reflect on how homeschooling has provided our family with a sense of normalcy during my son Isaac’s battle with leukemia, offering a flexible educational environment amidst frequent hospital stays and health-related challenges.

The Flexibility of Homeschooling During Health Challenges
One of the greatest advantages of homeschooling during a medical crisis or extended health challenges is the flexibility it provides. Katie Waalkes highlights how learning can happen in small pockets of time, working around doctor’s appointments, treatments, and health fluctuations. With homeschooling, the need for rigid schedules is eliminated, allowing lessons to take place in moments when everyone is feeling well. For example, Katie’s daughter Rachel has seen numerous specialists, and the ability to take schoolwork with them to appointments has been invaluable. In times of crisis, homeschooling allows for a more organic learning process, where education continues outside the classroom setting, making it possible for children to learn through life’s challenges rather than feeling left behind.
Navigating the Challenges of Homeschooling During a Medical Crisis
Homeschooling during a medical crisis or with chronic illness comes with its own set of unique challenges, with emotional exhaustion being one of the most significant. Katie Waalkes discusses the constant self-doubt that arises when trying to balance her child’s physical needs with academic expectations. With a daughter who experiences daily pain from juvenile arthritis, Katie is often faced with the difficult task of deciding when to push her child to continue with schoolwork and when to allow for rest. This constant second-guessing is emotionally draining, especially when it feels like there is no clear formula for how much is too much or too little. There is real emotional fatigue that comes as we constantly assess a child’s condition and navigate the delicate balance between rest and pushing through. Both Katie and I also recognize the importance of avoiding unhealthy habits by learning when to encourage perseverance, even in the face of discomfort, which can be a valuable life lesson for both parent and child.

Creating a Flexible Homeschool Schedule for Medical Needs
When homeschooling in the midst of frequent medical appointments, hospital stays, or fluctuating energy levels, flexibility is key. Katie Waalkes emphasizes the importance of setting a “bare minimum” of daily tasks to ensure that learning continues even on tough days. These minimal tasks can be adjusted based on how the child is feeling. On days when physical or emotional energy is low, simpler activities, like reviewing previous lessons or engaging with educational games, can provide continued learning without overwhelming the child.
I share our similar approach, focusing on big-picture goals (such as daily reading, math, and morning time) while adjusting the time spent on each activity according to the child’s energy levels. Breaking up lessons into smaller portions—such as completing half or a third of a lesson on harder days—helps maintain momentum without adding pressure.
In terms of balancing screen time, both Katie and Amy recognize the necessity of it when medical circumstances demand it. Katie uses educational apps like IXL to keep her child engaged during travel or doctor’s appointments. I set boundaries on screen time, especially during long hospital stays, with flexible rules. They both suggest having pre-vetted lists of educational resources, such as audiobooks, YouTube channels, and podcasts, to easily access when needed.
Finally, prioritizing educational activities like reading, reviewing core concepts, and engaging in creative projects helps maintain a sense of normalcy and learning. When scaling back, it’s crucial to focus on foundational subjects that support long-term growth, such as reading, basic math, and emotional health activities like Bible study or creative projects. In challenging times, maintaining flexibility while still nurturing a sense of routine and accomplishment can help alleviate the stress of balancing education with medical needs.

Prioritizing Social and Emotional Health for Your Medical Needs Child
To support a child with medical challenges in terms of emotional and social needs, there are a variety of strategies parents can implement.
- Distinguishing Feelings from Truths: Katie Waalkes emphasizes the importance of teaching children the difference between feelings and truths. A child might feel grumpy or frustrated because of pain, but the truth is that they are still expected to act patiently or follow rules. This helps them separate their emotions from their behavior. Katie uses a printable pack for her children that helps them identify their feelings each morning and then match them with a truth. For younger children, it’s okay if they simply pick a feeling and a truth without correlating them directly, as this is an opportunity for them to become familiar with the concepts.
- Maintaining a Sense of Humor: Humor can be used to help a child cope with their medical challenges. For example, joking that just because a child is going through something difficult doesn’t mean they can break the rules can help them maintain some normalcy in their lives. Humor can also serve as a tool to diffuse tension and remind children of their continued responsibilities, even in the face of hardship.
- Encouraging Peer Connections: Despite the physical limitations that might prevent children from engaging in typical play, creative solutions can help maintain connections with friends. When in-person connection is impossible, find digital connection points, such as Zoom calls where children can engage in activities together, like scavenger hunts or crafting. Additionally, friends can visit in the hospital when possible, and it’s crucial for parents to ask for help when needed, such as bringing meals from outside the hospital to provide a more comforting and familiar experience.
- Flexible Social Opportunities: For socialization, it’s essential to make commitments that allow for flexibility, such as participating in church activities or co-ops that don’t require long-term commitments. This way, a child can engage in social experiences without feeling pressured by schedules that might conflict with their medical needs. Parents need to be intentional about seeking out these opportunities for their children while balancing the demands of medical care.
- Ongoing Support from Friends: Finally, Katie reminds us that even when families are focused on medical care, children still need connection. It’s easy for friends to feel hesitant to reach out because they don’t want to impose, but children undergoing medical challenges need their friends’ companionship now more than ever.
By using these strategies, parents can help their children maintain emotional well-being and social connections despite their medical challenges.

Adaptations for Children With Mobility Limitations or Chronic Pain
When dealing with a child who has mobility limitations or pain, it’s important to adapt the learning experience in ways that support their physical and cognitive needs while still maintaining academic standards. Here are some strategies that can be effective:
- Use of Assistive Technology: For children with physical limitations such as joint pain or fatigue, speech-to-text software can be a valuable tool. Katie Waalkes shares how her children use speech-to-text for writing papers, which allows them to complete their work without the physical strain of handwriting. This may require extra steps, like reviewing and editing the text, but it can make writing more manageable. Additionally, dictation to a parent or teacher can be an alternative when children are unable to physically write their answers.
- Modifying Tools: Working with an occupational therapist can provide valuable insights into how to modify tools to suit a child’s needs. For instance, using larger pencils or adding grips to writing utensils can reduce strain on the joints. These small adjustments can make a big difference in a child’s comfort during learning tasks.
- Adjusting Lesson Length and Order: Modifying the length of lessons and alternating between different types of activities is another key strategy. For example, after a writing activity, you could switch to a read-aloud session, allowing the child to rest their hands and engage in a less physically demanding activity. Being flexible and asking the child about their needs (e.g., whether they need a break) helps ensure they can complete tasks without overwhelming their body.
- Maintaining Appropriate Academic Standards: It’s crucial to remember that using adaptations doesn’t mean lowering academic expectations. As Katie shared, parents should “hold the bar” for academic standards but provide tools to help the child reach those standards. Whether it’s using speech-to-text or text-to-speech programs, like those for children with dyslexia, these tools help ensure children still engage with the same material as their peers, at their own pace.
- Offering Breaks and Flexibility: It’s important to check in with the child about their physical limits and adjust the learning plan accordingly. A break may be necessary when the child becomes fatigued or in pain, and this flexibility can help them continue to engage in learning without compromising their well-being.
By adapting the curriculum and the learning environment, children with mobility limitations or chronic pain can still thrive academically and emotionally, using tools and strategies that meet their individual needs.
Appropriate Goals and Individualized Progress
When your child faces periods of illness that affect their ability to keep up with schoolwork, it’s essential to approach the situation with flexibility, empathy, and a focus on progress rather than perfection. Here are some strategies to consider:
- Character-Driven, Not Academic-Driven Goals: Katie Waalkes emphasizes that long-term goals for her children are character-driven rather than academic. This approach helps to keep the focus on growth in areas like resilience, patience, and learning to cope with challenges. While academic goals are still part of the picture, they are not the primary focus during times when health limitations may make it difficult to meet traditional expectations.
- Short-Term Goals with Flexibility: For more immediate academic goals, it’s helpful to set monthly, rather than long-term, targets. Katie advises assessing the child’s medical needs and scheduling, and then setting achievable goals based on that month’s circumstances. This monthly approach allows for flexibility, making it easier to adapt when unexpected health challenges arise. Progress, not perfection, becomes the guiding principle.
- Year-Round Schooling: Extending the school year rather than trying to “catch up” can reduce the pressure to make up missed work. By schooling year-round, you create a buffer that allows for days off without the worry of making up missed lessons. This can be especially helpful for families with children who have chronic medical conditions and need extra time off periodically.
- Focus on Core Skills: During difficult times, it can be helpful to prioritize core subjects like reading and math, which lay the foundation for future learning. While it may feel like certain milestones are being missed, children can often catch up on subjects outside of these core areas later on. The key is to focus on ensuring foundational skills are maintained, especially during tough periods.
- Slow and Steady Progress: Instead of trying to make up for lost time by doubling up on lessons, aim for consistent, shorter lessons over time. Katie encourages the “tortoise and hare” approach—small, steady efforts over time can be more effective than intense bursts of work. A 10-20 minute lesson each day is often more valuable than trying to cram longer lessons into a short amount of time.
- Adjusting Long-Term Educational Goals: If your child’s illness affects their ability to keep up with grade-level work, adjusting long-term goals is key. This doesn’t mean lowering standards but rather aligning them with what is feasible given your child’s circumstances. Consider setting goals that focus on personal growth, skills development, and character-building rather than rigid academic expectations.
- Individualized Approach: Each child’s medical and educational needs are unique, so it’s essential to work closely with them to determine what works best. In some cases, children may have specific interests or future goals they want to pursue. Tailor their educational experience to help them develop the skills necessary for those goals, all while recognizing that God’s timing and plans play a crucial role in shaping their future.
Ultimately, homeschooling during a period of illness requires a shift in mindset—focusing on consistent, individualized progress rather than stressing over missed time. Keep in mind that the journey may not look typical, but every step forward is meaningful and valuable.

Self-Care for the Parent Caregiver
Balancing self-care and mental health while managing caregiving and homeschooling is a significant challenge, especially when you’re trying to meet the needs of both your children and yourself. Here are a few strategies that can help:
- Take Time for Respite: Katie suggests that, if possible, you should take advantage of respite care. Whether it’s a spouse, family member, or friend stepping in for even just 20 minutes, taking time away from caregiving duties can offer a much-needed mental break. This short time can help you recharge and return to your responsibilities with a fresh perspective.
- Use Breaks Wisely: It’s not just about stepping away—it’s about what you do with that time. Katie recommends using those moments to connect with God, whether through prayer, crying, or even simple acts like eating or taking a shower. It’s essential to use these breaks for emotional and spiritual renewal so you can return to your responsibilities with more energy and clarity.
- Gratitude Practice: When you’re feeling overwhelmed, focusing on things you’re thankful for can help shift your perspective. Katie suggests keeping a daily gratitude journal and encouraging your kids to do the same, making sure that each day’s gratitude is different. This practice, though challenging during hard seasons, can help you stay grounded in positivity and hope.
- Spiritual Focus in Everyday Moments:Even if you don’t have time for a full Bible study or deep reflection, participating in spiritual practices like reading scripture with your family still counts as a way to center yourself on truth. These moments can provide spiritual nourishment even if you feel emotionally drained.
- Seek Support from Others: It’s important to have people in your life who can support you through prayer and intercession. Katie highlights the value of being open with your struggles and asking for prayer from your spouse, church friends, or others in your community. Having people to lean on, whether for emotional support or to pray on your behalf, is crucial in tough seasons.
- Be Real About Your Struggles: Don’t try to act like you have everything together. Katie shares that both she and I often have moments where we cry and confide in each other. Finding someone you can be vulnerable with is essential, as it provides a safe space to release the pressures you’re feeling.
Taking care of yourself in these demanding roles requires intentional breaks, emotional support, and a focus on spiritual practices. While it can feel like you’re constantly pouring out for others, remember that nurturing your own emotional, spiritual, and physical health is vital for sustaining your ability to care for your family.

Supporting Siblings
Managing feelings of guilt when caring for a child with medical needs while also trying to support and educate siblings can be incredibly difficult. Here are some approaches to handling this situation:
- Outsource and Simplify Education: Outsourcing some educational responsibilities when possible is a great option, such as using online classes or curriculums that provide teaching and grading. This ensures that siblings receive consistent education, even when you’re unable to give them your full attention. It’s also important to recognize when you need to give yourself grace and allow flexibility in the schedule to avoid overwhelming yourself.
- Remind Yourself of God’s Purpose: A helpful way to cope with guilt is to remind yourself that God has a purpose in the arrangement of your family. Katie shares that despite the challenges, her children have developed compassion, care, and a protective attitude toward their sibling. Although the situation is difficult, the experience is shaping them into more empathetic individuals. It’s important to recognize that this process, while hard, has deep value in shaping both your medical needs child and their siblings.
- Prioritize Family Needs: In some cases, it may be necessary to adjust priorities for the sake of other children. Katie explains that it’s okay to occasionally delay non-essential treatments or therapies for a season if it benefits the overall well-being of the family. Taking a break from therapies during flu season to protect a medically fragile child or focusing on your other children’s emotional needs when things feel too overwhelming are two examples. This doesn’t mean neglecting the medical needs child but recognizing that sometimes the family dynamic requires adjustments, and it’s okay to press pause when necessary.
- Creative Solutions for Academic Support: It’s ok to simplify academic requirements during times of crisis, such as when your family is frequently in the hospital. Instead of focusing solely on academics, prioritize emotional connection by spending quality time together, like cuddling and watching a show or reading. Additionally, when possible, academic support can still happen creatively, such as video calls to help siblings, even if you’re not physically present. This helps maintain a sense of connection and shows your children that they are still loved and supported despite the challenging circumstances.
- Foster Compassion in Siblings: While siblings may not be directly involved in the medical needs, they are still deeply impacted by the situation. Ensuring that siblings have outlets for their emotions, such as talking to you, participating in family activities, or even taking breaks from the situation, is important. Fostering an environment where siblings can express their feelings helps them understand their role in the family and the unique ways they can support each other.
While there’s no perfect formula for balancing homeschooling and caregiving, applying these strategies can help you maintain emotional health, nurture your relationships, and continue fulfilling your homeschooling responsibilities. Remember, it’s okay to lean on support, take breaks, and give yourself grace as you walk through the highs and lows of these seasons. By focusing on gratitude, connection, and flexibility, you can create an environment where both you and your children can thrive, no matter the challenges you face.

Key Takeaways
- Prayer and Perspective: Constant prayer and focusing on God’s truth help maintain emotional and spiritual health, especially during difficult times.
- Emotional Breaks: Taking short, physical breaks (even 20 minutes) can provide a fresh perspective and emotional reset.
- Self-Care: Utilize moments of respite to engage in activities like reading Scripture, crying, eating, or simply taking a break to care for your emotional needs.
- Outsourcing Help: Using online classes or curricula that grade and teach for you can alleviate homeschooling stress, allowing you to focus on caregiving.
- Embracing the Season: Gratitude exercises, like writing down things you’re thankful for every day, help maintain mental and emotional well-being, even during hard seasons.
- Compassion in Siblings: Children with siblings who have medical needs often develop greater empathy and compassion, even though it can be challenging for them.
- Guilt and Grace: Moms should give themselves grace for the time they can’t spend with their other children due to caregiving duties, and remember that God doesn’t make mistakes in their family’s situation.
- Creative Homeschool Solutions: Simplifying academic requirements during stressful times can ensure kids still feel cared for emotionally, even if academic needs are momentarily reduced.
- Occasional Therapy Breaks: It’s okay to pause therapies or treatments for short periods, especially when other family members’ needs take precedence. This is a personal and situational decision.
- Creative Connection: Even when physically apart, creative solutions like video calls can allow parents to stay connected with their kids and help them with academic work, fostering emotional closeness.
Listen to the full podcast episode “Practical Tips for Homeschooling Kids with Medical Needs with Katie Waalkes” on Homeschool Conversations with Humility and Doxology
Katie is a second-generation homeschooler, married to her high school sweetheart, and mother of six children. Having homeschooled for over a decade, she has a passion for tailoring education to each child’s needs, especially given that several of her children have special needs. Katie shares her wisdom through her YouTube channel, Life in the Mundane, where she equips and encourages homeschooling moms with practical tips and encouragement to pursue what God has called them to do.

Find Katie Waalkes Online
- Website: https://lifeinthemundane.com/
- Youtube: youtube.com/lifeinthemundane
- Instagram: instagram.com/lifeinthemundane
- Made2Homeschool
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Amy Sloan: Hello friends. Today I am joined by my friend Katie Wachs. Katie is a second generation homeschooler who is married to her high school sweetheart and the mother of six children. Having homeschooled for over a decade, Katie has a passion for tailoring education to each child’s needs, especially given that several of her children have special needs. Katie shares her wisdom through her YouTube channel, Life in the Mundane, where she equips and encourages homeschooling moms with practical tips and encouragement to pursue what God has called them to do. And I’ve actually had Katie on the podcast before, so if you want to kind of like hear about some more general homeschool tips and encouragement, I will include that link in the show notes for this episode. But this is going to be a little bit of a different podcast episode. Katie and I both have experience homeschooling in the midst of medical needs, but we have kind of two different perspectives. Katie has been doing this for many years with chronic medical needs in her children, whereas most of you guys know that our family had a sudden emergent kind of situation when Isaac was diagnosed with leukemia last year. So we thought while we have similar perspectives, but different as well, and we thought we would just sort of share our stories a little bit and some of the lessons we’ve learned in hopes it will be an encouragement for you guys. So Katie, that was like a really super long introduction, but can you tell people a little bit about your family and just your sort of experience with homeschooling in general, and then a little bit more niched down also your experience homeschooling a child with medical needs?
Katie Waalkes: Absolutely. So like I said in my intro with that, I am a second generation homeschooler, so I feel like I’ve been homeschooling my whole life. I fell in love with homeschooling as a kid. I knew that’s what I wanted to do for my kids, and so we started out with that route and that was the plan all along. With six kids now, I have ranging 15, 14, no, yeah, 15, 14, 13, 12, 12, 8, and 7 years old. Nope, 7 and 6 years old. I know how old my kids are. Maybe. Most likely. Anyways, if I think about it hard enough. And with those age ranges, it’s just been a lot of ups and downs. It’s funny because when we started homeschooling, we very much started for the reason that most homeschoolers start homeschooling. They start homeschooling because they’re like, oh, we want to ignite a love of learning and we want to be able to be a primary influence in our kids’ lives. All of that is still very, very true, but it has now become a literal necessity for at least my children with medical needs. Because of the scheduling, because of the flexibility required, I don’t even understand how we would do what we are doing now if she was in a traditional school setting. We have six kids. Like I said, multiple have special needs. Actually, multiple have some level of medical needs, but our one daughter, Rachel, has the most medical needs. She has a disorder called 22q11.2 deletion syndrome, and that causes up to 180 different types of complications. She has a huge handful of those. She just underwent her 22nd surgery, I believe, at 12 years old. We are no stranger to hospitals. We spend a lot of time there. She has hearing loss. She has feeding issues. We have GI issues, juvenile arthritis, all sorts of things that you can imagine. We’ve got a whole list of doctors. We’ve been doing this for a long time when it comes to this, and it’s really been a blessing to be able to homeschool and give her that flexibility of learning but also prioritizing surviving because that’s been a huge part of her life.
Amy Sloan: I am so thankful to hear you say that because I think that was my experience over the past year as well. I was so thankful that we were already homeschooling when Isaac got his diagnosis with 80 nights, over 80 nights in the hospital in that first year, innumerable other hospital visits, clinic visits, all the rest, plus all the days at home feeling terrible, literally not being safe to be in crowded public places for him because of immune issues. I just thought to myself what a gift it was to be able to homeschool, to be able to maintain some sort of sense of normalcy, routine, to still be learning in the midst of that really hard year. Of course, it looked very different than we anticipated, but I was so very thankful. I was just thinking how difficult it would be for children who suddenly not only is the health impacting their life, but their entire world of education is also kind of taken away. For sure. What have been some of the advantages that you have seen being able to homeschool in the midst of this sort of medical season?
Katie Waalkes: I think the biggest one is probably flexibility,for sure. Learning happens, but it happens in pockets. We have to take those pockets of time when everything aligns, when everything works out and we’re feeling good and we’re not in a doctor’s appointment. We work things into each little crevice of life. If we didn’t have that flexibility of that, if we had a strict structure of it has to be done this time to this time, most of the learning wouldn’t be able to happen. So having that flexibility of scheduling, being able to take school with you to the doctor’s office instead of having to take off. In August alone, she had 12 different specialists that she saw just in the month of August. It’s like, how would you have done school with something like that unless you could bring it with you?
Amy Sloan: Yeah. Also, I just think about how we already were thinking about education in sort of an outside-the-box way. I know, especially as a fellow second-generation homeschooler, we came in like, don’t box me in. Don’t tell me what to do. So we already had this idea that education didn’t have to look a certain way. It didn’t have to look like a traditional mold. I think as homeschoolers, if you are facing some sort of crisis, whether it be a long-term medical need or challenge or a shorter-term medical need or challenge, or even just like a move, a new baby, a job change, those things that can feel a little bit like a crisis in the midst of them. You already have this perspective, this unique perspective as a homeschooler that so many things count as learning. We know that learning happens in an organic way. It happens outside the textbook, outside the worksheets. To be able to see that really playing out in the lives of our children who otherwise would just be missing most of their school is really a gift. Absolutely. Well, I know this is kind of a little bit of a dumb question, baby, because there’s a lot of challenges. It’s just really hard to have a child dealing with really intense medical needs, health challenges. Not all of them would have been a few of the challenges you faced trying to homeschool in the midst of these chronic illnesses and long-term medical needs.
Katie Waalkes: I was thinking about this and I was like, okay, there are a lot of challenges. Which one should I pick? I think probably the hardest challenge is the constant doubting yourself and constantly questioning, are they really pushing them too hard? Are they too sick to do school today? Also, are we building bad habits? Kids are smart. Kids are very, very, very, very smart. They pick up very quickly on how to play the system. My daughter definitely with chronic pain, with arthritis and all the other things, she’s in pain every day. There’s not a day that she’s not in pain. If we didn’t homeschool on days that she was in pain, we would never be able to homeschool. I’m constantly trying to judge how much can we handle today? That’s a really tricky thing to navigate because I know it’s not going to end. There’s not an end in sight, this side of heaven, at least. Because of that, it’s just a lot of second-guessing, I feel like, when it comes as a mom. How hard do I push? Some days, I push too hard and I realize it and I regret it. Other days, I’m like, I think they were working the system there. They really could have handled a little bit more. That’s probably the hardest part is just the second-guessing, which is, of course, what all homeschool moms do all the time, regardless of whether you have a medically complex kid is our own gut complexes or second-guessing our choices. It’s so emotionally draining as a mom.
Amy Sloan: We talk about decision fatigue. It’s almost this constant decision where you’re constantly trying to calculate the calculus of just how bad does this child feel? How much of this is an emotional issue? How much of this is physical? When do I push? When do I let it go? I find that incredibly emotionally draining, just exhausting. It’s not something you can just decide one time and figure it out because it’s always in flux.
Katie Waalkes: Yeah, there’s no formula.There’s no, well, if this, then that, because there’s all these different factors that go into it. Then we’ve had doctors who have explained to us that one of the struggles that a lot of times happens or one of the downsides that typically happens with kids who have chronic illnesses or something more severe, like leukemia, is that you feel like crud. Then you want to just sleep or you want to regress or you want to pull away and you just want to not do things. Yes, your body needs rest to some extent, but it can start craving it so much that it can cause more issues. My daughter who has arthritis, if she starts babying her joints and basically not using it and not moving, she’ll start losing that mobility. They were like, she has to, to some extent, the best thing for her is to push through the pain to some extent. The best thing is to be like, oh, we’re on a walk and you’re tired. Let’s take a few minutes. Let’s take a break, but then we got to keep going. I think it’s such a good life lesson. I think it’s taught me a lot as a homeschool mom of like, sometimes I’m like, I just, I don’t feel like it. I’m having a hard day. I was up late. I was, I just want to kind of like call it quits. And I’m like, no, sometimes we need to push through the hard things, you know, and it’s okay. We don’t want to build bad habits or get weak because we’re constantly giving up. And so she’s taught me a lot, just taking care of her and thinking through these things. But it is a hard thing to know when to push, when to not. And yeah, definitely emotionally taxing.
Amy Sloan: Yeah. Well, do you have any practical tips for kind of developing a flexible homeschool schedule that does accommodate those frequent medical appointments and the tests and hospital stays, fluctuating energy levels, like we were talking about? You know, how can we balance schoolwork, getting a lot accomplished as much as we can on the days when someone’s feeling well, you know, being able to pull back sort of practically, we’ve talked a little bit about the emotional aspect of that, the wisdom discernment, parenting aspects, but practically how do we arrange a flexible homeschool schedule?
Katie Waalkes: So for all of my kids, I have a bare minimum. You know, I have that, like, hey, in order for this to be like, to get done, we need to get done. We need to at least touch on these three things, kind of thing. And I have that with her. My bare minimums look a little different with her because, you know, we may truly not be able to get to something. If you’re having surgery, she literally can’t eat, you know, for several hours prior to surgery. She’s hungry. She’s tired. She’s sometimes nervous. She’s going to be put under. It’s a whole day event. There is no school that’s going to happen that day. And we just call it quits and that’s fine. But again, if we took every day off that was hard, we would never do school. So for us, we have just learned that I want to consistently show up and do some kind of learning each day. It doesn’t have to be related to a curriculum or textbook. Sometimes I’ll gauge it even within, like, spelling lessons. Like, we’ll do a spelling lesson, but some days I’m like, all right, let’s just look at the words we got wrong yesterday. And other days I’m like, let’s teach new material. And like, we very much gauge it piece by piece. But I think one of the things that I would recommend most is have some stuff set aside that is semi-easy for your child, that like mentally is easy, that is not overwhelming, that on days where learning might be a little more difficult, whether it’s because of physical or mental, emotional reasons or just scheduling, that they can still be doing something to learn and review and to practice, but they’re not working on the hardest material possible. And save the new learning and the new material or the harder concepts for those days when they’re a little bit fresher. So you don’t actually have to go sequentially, I guess is what I’m saying. Sometimes we’ll have curriculum and we’ll say today we’re going to pause from the curriculum and we’re going to do this review game because I know this concept is easier for you. So I think that’s one of the big things is not just what are you going to do, but how are you going to work it into the day a little bit.
Amy Sloan: And I think that when you’re planning your homeschool sort of more from a big picture perspective, which is how I like to approach homeschool planning, it makes it easier to be flexible in that way. So like last year when we were really in some of the most intense parts of treatment, I would just say, okay, my big goal is for us to read something. I wanted Isaac to read something with his eyes every day. It was really hard and he didn’t want to do it for long periods of time. So I didn’t even sometimes give a number of pages or even an amount of time. We were just going to do some reading, going to do a little bit of math, and have our morning time together. And that enabled it to be really flexible where it kept enough of a framework where he knew, okay, these are the things mom is still expecting me to do, even if I’m in a bad state today or whatever. But it gave me the ability to really flex that as far as like how much time were we really going to do it. Or like you were saying with math, it didn’t necessarily mean we were going to learn a new lesson. I had some like easier review worksheets that were just reinforcing concepts he already knew and I could use that as an easier math day if he needed rest. Or even just taking a lesson, like you don’t have to do the whole thing. You can do half of it. You can do a third of it, like break it up, stretch it out. You have time. There’s no race. Like we’re not in a race anytime in our homeschool, but especially not when you’re talking about a kid with medical needs.
Katie Waalkes: Yeah. I think the other thing is making good use of screen time. I was going to say you just need to get used to the fact that screen time is probably going to be a reality. I’m sure there are awesome, amazing medical mamas out there that are rocking it without screens. And to you, hats off. You’re incredible. But with the amount that we are in doctors’ offices and things, there is more screen time than we typically have ever had for any of our kids. And so we try to be really, really conscious of how we use screens. We actually, for just her, have a subscription to IXL. We just have it for like the math and language arts. But what’s nice about it is it’s an app that goes in and it doesn’t put your child at a grade level. It just gives them an assessment to see where they’re at and it just gives them concepts in either math or language arts that they’re a little bit weaker in and that they can kind of work on and improve on. And they have easier ones and harder ones and she can kind of choose that. So sometimes when we travel, because that’s the other aspect of our school that makes it hard, is we travel about three hours away one way to go to our children’s hospital that we’re going to all these appointments for. So that makes everything take longer as well. So she’s able to take that to the doctor’s office and do that instead of me having to lug a bunch of books and things like that. So having good educational apps, huge plus. Audiobooks, if you’re going to have screen time. Audiobooks is a great way to use screen time. We have certain educational like YouTube channels that we really, really love or podcasts that we love. But I think having a list of that ahead of time is really helpful. Instead of trying to find stuff on the fly, you can do that. But you already have so many decisions that you’re dealing with when you’re in this situation. It’s easier if apart from the situation you can do some research. And I know Amy’s got great lists for that. I have a few YouTube videos on different apps and podcasts and YouTube videos and stuff like that. So there are a lot of great resources out there, but I think having kind of a pre-built list you could pick from is much more helpful than trying to figure it out on the fly.
Amy Sloan: Yeah, definitely. I’ll too just share piggybacking off of the screen time discussion. Yeah, my kids have watched way more screen time this year than I would judge myself so hard like five years ago, Amy. But one thing that was helpful when we were having some extended longer hospital stays, like several weeks in a row, I really did try to still have, okay, in the morning we were going to hold off on those screens and still like I just sort of made an arbitrary rule like no screens until after lunch, which because it wasn’t a specific time enabled me to be flexible too in the hospital. But it’s so easy when a child is sad and they’re not feeling well and you’re just stuck in a hospital bed for weeks on end. It gets really easy to just sort of numb the mind and just not want to do anything except being on the screen. So I did try to be purposeful where it was after lunch and in the morning. That was when we were playing games, when we were reading aloud, you know, doing other things. And so just kind of picking our arbitrary rule helped with that, which is different than when we’re going in and just having a really intense clinic day with chemo and spinal taps and stuff like that. Pretty much on those days when it’s like a short term and it’s really a miserable experience, I’m like, dude, you can watch as much as you want.
Katie Waalkes: Whatever you want, yeah. And that’s exactly what we do. For a doctor’s appointment, like when we go for them, my daughter has pretty severe ADHD and loves to interject incessantly. And I love that about her, but when you’re trying to talk to doctors about a lot of heavy things, it’s very overwhelming and sometimes can add to some confusion. So I let her have that screen time and she stays a little quieter during that process and it makes things a little bit easier. And I admit it’s something for the convenience of it. But yes, same thing. So when we were in the hospital, she had a 10-day hospital stay back in June when she was getting her feeding tube. And we didn’t do the exact like time rule, but what we did is we had a checklist and I said, okay, you have to read something, you have to create something, you have to, we had to do some kind of Bible something. Like we just had a checklist of things. And those things, depending on how she was feeling or doing, I could make really, really short. Or if she was doing better that day, I could make them very, very long. And I’d be like, okay, well, we’re going to do this whole craft and we’re going to take advantage of this. I will say hospitals have amazing programs. Most hospitals now have amazing child life specialists. So taking advantage of those child life specialists and asking, our hospital even has a library that the kids can check out books from. So when she was feeling good enough, we would go down to the library. And when she wasn’t feeling good, I would go down to the library for her and I would pick out a new book for the day. And we would read through an entire book in a day all throughout the day. So, you know, like there’s just all sorts of fun things that you can do. But I definitely recommend, like Amy said, to really try to kind of monitor that because it messes with everybody’s emotional and mental health. And it honestly makes the days very long, very long. Yeah.
Amy Sloan: Well, what are some ways that we can support the emotional and social needs of these children as well? Of course, there’s the academic side, but there’s also the interactions with peers or just it’s impacting their emotions and it’s harder for them because they’re kids. It’s already hard for them to gauge their own emotions. Do you have any strategies or tips for that?
Katie Waalkes: Yeah. So one thing we started doing early on was we started talking about the difference between our feelings and truths and really examining those differences, understanding that our feelings can be kind of a barometer for where our heart is at, but that doesn’t necessarily mean our heart is focusing on truth. So we might be feeling very grumpy because of our pain level, but the truth is we’re not allowed to be grumpy just because we feel grumpy. Right. And so we can focus on the fact that God can help us be patient. We can focus on the fact that this pain is not going to last forever, you know, and that’s something we focus on a lot in our house. We talk a lot about heaven. We talk about eternity and no more pain and no more tears and no more sorrow. And we’re like, but on this side of heaven, that is, that’s a reality we have to deal with as a result of sin. And so it’s something that we talk through a lot about truths and feelings and how they relate. I actually ended up creating a like printable pack that I use with my kids. We do our morning, we do a morning menu instead of morning time. And we have a whole page full of feelings and a whole page full of truths. And every single morning, my kids identify what they’re feeling that morning and then what truth goes with it. And my little ones, my six and seven year olds, they, those truths and those feelings don’t really match up. They’re like, they just like pick a feeling and they pick a truth. And it drives my older kids nuts because they’re like, you’re supposed to pick ones and like how they correlate. And I’m like, but that’s a more advanced skill. And I said, I don’t care if they’re just picking a truth and a feeling because they’re learning what those truths are. So in the future, when they’re like, this is something that comes up a lot is the sibling interaction and sometimes jealousy or frustration or envy or whatever that comes up. One of the truths on that sheet is God put me in this family for a reason. And so my kids are like, you know, I’m feeling really frustrated this morning, but God put me in this family for a reason. And like, I’m going to focus on that.
Amy Sloan: That’s really excellent. Please send me after we’re done, make sure you send me the link to that or any of your other sources that you’ve mentioned. I’ll put those in the show notes. One of the things we’ve talked to Isaac about is kind of joking around a little bit because keeping a sense of humor is really important. And so I’ll tell him, I’ll say, you know, just because you have cancer doesn’t mean you get to yell at your siblings or just because you have cancer, you still have to obey mommy. I’m kind of teasing him a little bit, of course, choosing when to do that appropriately. But it is that thing where we want to be patient with our children and long suffering, treating them the way God treats us, right? Not as our sins deserve. So being so patient and gracious and kind to our children who are dealing with great physical and emotional discomfort often, while also, like you were saying, reminding them there are still external truths that we all have to submit to regardless of our circumstances. I will say with the social aspect, it was sometimes tricky. I would imagine it’s super tricky for you guys because your hospital is so far away. But for actual hospitalizations, it was hard for us at times because of Isaac being immunocompromised. But there were times where we had friends who were able to come in and visit in the hospital, and sometimes they would stay for very short periods of time. And that meant a lot. So if you have a child who is able safely to visit, don’t be afraid to ask your friends. They may not offer it because they may not want to pressure, or they may not know what’s allowed or isn’t allowed. So I would just say, don’t be afraid to ask. And I think it’s really a blessing for the other children, too. I’ve seen just the young guys in Isaac’s life just be incredible friends for such small children. You know, I guess not very small. They would hate to hear me call them small. Very grown up young men. But just to see their compassion and their love for Isaac when he can’t play in the way that normally little boys would play with one another, I think has been a gift for them and certainly been a gift for Isaac. So I would just say, don’t be afraid to ask, even if your child can’t play in a typical way or the way they typically have in the past, there could be creative ways to still maintain those friendships. And I think that’s really important.
Katie Waalkes: Yeah, absolutely. And if you are visiting someone in the hospital, especially if it’s been a long hospital stay, something that means the world, I’m going to speak for myself, I think this would apply to Amy as well, but something that means the world to the moms is when you text ahead of time and ask if they want you to pick up a meal that’s not from the hospital. Because hospital food is gross and expensive. And I cannot tell you how many times I had people who were like, hey, I’m coming by, do you want me to bring you Chipotle? I’m like, please, I will love you forever. Yes. Please do not make me a hospital hamburger one more time.
Amy Sloan: Yeah. We had many people supply Isaac with Chick-fil-A fries, which for a period of several weeks was literally the only thing we could get him to eat in the hospital. Oh, go ahead.
Katie Waalkes: No, I was going to say, no, it is true that socially it can be really challenging. And I think one of the things we’ve found is because we, unlike you guys where you’re in a season, and it’s kind of the same thing, it does very much fluctuate. We’ve had seasons where when Rachel was born, she was a bubble baby. She couldn’t go out. We had to alternate taking her to church, which I know you understand that whole process, not taking her to church, sorry, taking the other kids to church while one of us stayed home with her and not being able to take her out in public, things like that, to seasons where it wasn’t that big a deal. And then back and forth. It’s a whole roller coaster over here. And so one of the things we found is digital connection points. In-person’s always best, but when you can’t have in-person, Zoom calls with your friends is a huge thing. It just totally lifts their heart. It’s such a special thing. We have friends that have gotten on calls with her when she’s at the hospital and they’ve played like a scavenger hunt, or they’ve done like around the room to see what they can find, something blue, and then they’ll show it to each other or whatever. Or like calling them and making a craft. They sent a craft kit to us and the other kid has a craft kit and they’re making their crafts together. And so there are a lot of fun things that you can do. We also have really worked to make sure that her social opportunities, I kind of hate saying that, as a second-generation homeschooler, anytime I have to deal with the socialization question, I kind of cringe. But one of the things that we have dealt with is we have made sure to make commitments that are more singular versus long-term. So she doesn’t do sports because I know we would have to miss so many of those opportunities, but we have done obviously church things or co-ops that are very flexible and allow us to flex in or out as needed. And whatnot. So I think there are still tons of opportunities to have your kids involved and plugged in. It just takes some serious intentionality on the parent’s part and then also on the friend’s part. And like that’s what you were saying, Amy, of like looking at how can I still be a friend to this kid? Because guess what? More than ever, they need your friendship when they’re going through all of this stuff. I think it’s easy for people to be like, well, I don’t want to bother them. They’re busy with medical things. And we’re like, yeah, we’re busy, but our kid is still a kid and they still want connection.
Amy Sloan: Yeah, definitely. Well, okay. I feel like I have all these other things I want to say and like suggestions I could relate to that, but that might need to be, maybe I should do a blog post about that. Ways you can support children. That would be a really good blog post. But I will try to move on so that we don’t get too sidetracked here. But I know that your children in particular, actually more than one of your children deal with chronic pain and actual physical limitations. Isaac has had some, obviously he’s dealt with pain and discomfort, but for the most part, we’re now kind of coming out of a season. He’s able to be more mobile and it hasn’t dramatically impacted his ability to do school or ordinary daily activities. But when you are dealing with a child who has some of those physical limitations, what are some ways you can adapt the curriculum, work with them to enable them to still do what they need to do to learn, but in a way that meets their physical needs?
Katie Waalkes: Absolutely. So like I mentioned before, so my daughter that I’ve been talking about has juvenile arthritis, but then I have another daughter that has an undiagnosed disorder that is causing severe joint pain. And both of them, we make accommodations when needed for writing because physically handwriting is painful and can be very fatiguing very quickly. So we offer speech to text as an option that my kids can take advantage of to write their papers. And people think it’s cheating or whatever. I don’t know if you’ve ever used speech to text. I actually think it’s way harder because you have to then go back and make sure it actually wrote the word you said at the punctuation. And there’s a whole process to that, but it is something that has been helpful, especially for my daughter who’s in middle school to be able to complete her papers that way. We also, when they’re younger, we have done where they’ve dictated to us. And so if there’s something that needs to be written, they’ll tell me what the answer is and I will write it down. So we offer some flexibility as far as that goes. We’ve also offered flexibility. We’ve worked really closely with an occupational therapist, which I highly recommend if your children have any kind of pain or whatnot, because not only can they teach you how to make adaptions in your homeschool. So things like we oftentimes, as homeschooling parents think that little hands mean they need little tools, right? They need little pencils, they need little whatever, but actually fatter, wider pencils is actually better for their joints and less painful. And so they were like going out and getting larger crayons or larger pencils is helpful, or adding a grip, pencil grip or whatever. So they were able to teach us those kind of adaptions that I would have had no idea otherwise on what to do. And then obviously, again, just kind of modifying the length of lessons on what we can handle pain-wise and whatnot. And also asking the child too, like, hey, would a break be good right now? Like sometimes you just need to take a break or we need to change the order. So we don’t do too heavy writing activities back to back. We’ll do like a writing activity and then I’ll read aloud to them. And then we might do another writing activity. So we kind of alternate those things as well. You just have to be a little more intentional with everything.
Amy Sloan:. I think it’s so important for moms to hear that working with your child and adapting to their needs, enabling them to do the work, but maybe in a way that doesn’t look typical, or maybe they’re not even the one holding the pen or whatever, that is not cheating. That is an incredibly wonderful tool that we have for our children, whether they have long-term physical limitations or not, right? Sometimes even just a young child might grow very weary. They might get tired. Maybe they’re able to process information at a higher level than they’re able to actually physically write it out. And so don’t be afraid to help your child in that way. I always bring up Milton, who’s blind and dictating Paradise Lost. And we don’t say, oh, he didn’t really write it. Yeah, of course he did.
Katie Waalkes: Hal and Melanie Young, I heardthem speak at a conference a couple of years ago and they explained it perfectly to me. They were like, the idea is we hold the bar for the academic standard for our children and then we give them every tool necessary to help them reach that bar. So we don’t lower it for them. We just equip them with as many tools as they need. So I have a child who has severe dyslexia and he uses a program where he can take a picture of any of his textbooks and it reads it to him. He’s in high school. We’ve done tons of reading instruction and he follows along there to make sure he understands the material. And that’s not cheating. He is still reading the exact same books that his brother, who’s in high school, is reading. He’s still doing the exact same material. We’ve just given him the tools to be able to reach that bar. And that kind of opened my eyes a lot when it came to this of like, okay, we’re still going to learn all the same things, but we’re going to take it at the pace our child needs and we’re going to give them the tools they need to be able to do it with the limitations they have.
Amy Sloan: I love that. And that actually segues perfectly into my next question. Because when we think about this idea of holding our children to a certain academic standard, like we have the bar we want them to reach, and then we’re faced with maybe an extended period of time where they haven’t been able to do their schoolwork or they’re not meeting those benchmarks we had set. Maybe they’re not making it to grade level in a certain subject or all the subjects. How ought we to adjust our goals, maybe for a year or long-term goals for a child based on the realities of the situation? Or should we try to catch up? How do you handle that in your family?
Katie Waalkes: So first of all, as far as long-term goals, I keep them character driven and not academic driven. I have no academic goal, long-term goals for my daughter specifically. There are so many medical and cognitive needs. And with her particular genetic disorder, kids can grow up to be adults and function fully on their own and be able to have jobs and driver’s licenses and all those things, but also a huge portion of the kids do not. And she could very much end up living with the rest of her life. It’s just a very big unknown. And so I try not to have major overarching academic goals other than being able to ideally read with her eyes, which I think we’ll be able to do, but to read and understand scripture and whatnot. But everything is more spiritual and character driven goals when it comes to long-term goals. With academic goals, it doesn’t mean I don’t have them. I just do them monthly is what I do. And so I look at the month ahead and I assess what kind of doctor’s appointments are coming up or surgeries. I look at what season it is. There are certain seasons where we just end up sicker all the time. She has a compromised immune system. So we know that there are certain seasons that are going to be rougher. And so I will look at that month ahead and realistically go, okay, I think we can get here in this month. And then at the end of the month, I wrote down where she got. And sometimes it’s there. Sometimes it’s way far away from there. And other times she surpasses it. And then I use that kind of how far we got to help me make the goals for the next month. And so I very much take it month by month. I don’t with her in particular, just because of the severity of medical needs and the fact that this is a long game, not a short game, is that we’re just like forward motion progress. Progress, not perfection is what gets said in my house 24 seven. And we’re just moving one step forward. And so we don’t double up with her in particular. I have a few kids that I’ll do that for if they can handle it. But for a child who is medically needy, I think if you are trying to make up time or if you’re going through a shorter stint of something, right. And it’s not as chronic or long term, I would recommend extending your school year rather than doubling up. So we school year round and we have ever since she was born because we just need that flexibility of when there’s a day off, I don’t need to stress about it. And I don’t have to make it up because I know we have plenty. We have way more than the day is required in our state.
Amy Sloan: Or our family, because Isaac was diagnosed in third grade and will complete treatment by the end of fifth grade. So I mean, it’s terrible to, of course, receive a cancer diagnosis anytime, but I am thankful it is in that period. I think it would be more challenging, possibly academically, middle school or high school. And so I think with the elementary years in particular, the main things you’re focusing on there are like math and reading, right? Those are the main skills that you need to deepen. Everything else you really can learn much more quickly later on, catch up, if I, you know, that’s kind of an awkward term to use. Maybe we don’t like hearing that term, but like anything that you were intending to learn, you’re going to be able to learn more quickly later on. And so that was what I just really prioritized. That’s why I prioritized trying to keep that up through last year. And then like you were saying, normally we are a big take a big break in the summer people, but I knew we just needed just to do a little bit through the summer for him. So he was set up for success this year in fourth grade. And so that was, that worked out well. And I do think sometimes we worry so much about hitting certain milestones, but I think a lot of times they will just sort of go through these jumps too, barring any other external cognitive challenges. I’ve seen that with my kids where you think they’re never going to get this concept. And then like the next week, suddenly they, they get it. You know, I’ve seen that with like teaching my kids to read. You’re like, they’re never going to put it together. And then suddenly they’re blending sounds. So just not to be like, don’t look at one day or one week or even a semester that you feel like this was a big waste. Like just keep plodding slow and steady progress.
Katie Waalkes: You know, a 10, 20 minute lesson consistently every day is worth a lot more than two, one hour lessons in a week. You know what I mean? It’s, it’s really, it’s helpful to be short and sweet and to the point and just kind of touch on it and keep that, that tortoise and hare concept of just like, all right, just let’s keep plugging along. So it can be, it can be hard and there are moments where it definitely can be discouraging or you can worry, am I preparing them enough? Because while for this daughter, we’re not sure what the future holds with that. You know, I have another daughter that does have chronic pain and has very clear goals of what she wants. So helping her meet those goals is a top priority for me. And so I think it’s very much working with your child, just like in everything, it’s very individualized and we need to come alongside them and say, okay, what do you, what are you interested in? What do you feel like God’s calling you to do? And my job is to equip you for that as much as I possibly can and help set you up. But God is the one that ultimately makes you successful in that or closes that door. And so I don’t ever want to hold any of my kids back or push them way too far forward. So we’re constantly just constant in prayer and consideration every, every single day.
Amy Sloan: Well, mom is going through a lot while our kids are going through a lot. So do you, I don’t actually have anything to say about this because I just don’t do a very good job at it. But here’s the question, Katie, maybe you’ve figured this one out. How do we prioritize our own emotional and spiritual health while also seeking to be faithful caregivers, educators, oh, and also like wives and moms to other kids. All those other things.
Katie Waalkes: You know, as far as how to prioritize, again, lots of prayer because there’s not a formula at all. I think things that have been helpful, not required, but helpful is to actually step away. If you have a spouse or a family member or something that can do some respite type care and step in for even an hour, even 20 minutes sometimes, you know, and being able to physically remove yourself from the situation and be off caregiver duty for a little bit, it can really help. I also think it’s important what you do with that time. So taking that time to get into God’s word, taking that time to cry, taking that time to eat something, maybe shower, like, you know, I mean, we can mix it up a little bit. It’s very helpful. My kids are, my older ones are teens. And so I’m able to leave them at home. And so sometimes I will just leave in the middle of the day for lunch hour. I’m like, I will be back. Mom is going to go run through a drive-through and sit in the car and ugly cry and pray and eat something. And then I come back and it’s like a whole fresh perspective. So all that to say, that sounds like my tip is to run away. It might be a little bit, but run to God, right? Like not run away from our families, run to God, step away for a moment, gain some perspective, definitely focusing on things to be thankful for in the season. It’s really easy to become completely consumed with fear and anxiety and overwhelm. And so taking that time to write down every single day, at least one thing that you’re thankful for. And something I challenge my kids in is to say something they’re thankful for and not to repeat it ever again. Now, not that you can’t repeat being thankful for that, but challenge yourself to find something new to be thankful for each and every day. And that is, it’s not easy after a couple of years of doing this, but it is a really good exercise that has helped kind of keep me grounded.
Amy Sloan: And I think it’s been helpful for me to realize that also counts when I’m singing psalm with the kids. It counts when I’m reading scripture with my children or family devotions. These are all ways that I am able to focus on truth, going back to the first part of our conversation, what’s really true, God’s truth. Even if I don’t have maybe the emotional or mental time wherewithal to do my own intense Bible study or something like that, it still counts when we’re reading scripture with our families as well.
Katie Waalkes: And having people in your life who you could ask to intercede on your behalf. It’d be like, hey, I am struggling right now. I am struggling mentally, spiritually, physically. I need prayer warriors to come alongside me and to pray for me. Asking your husband, asking friends at church, asking people in your community, I think is incredibly important and valuable. We don’t have to try to act like we have it all together. Amy and I regularly ugly cry and call each other crying. It’s just a thing. You find somebody that you can do that with. It is very helpful and beneficial.
Amy Sloan: Everyone needs a friend they can ugly cry with. Well, speaking of emotional challenges, the siblings of children with medical needs may not be the ones actually in pain or undergoing treatment, but it is every bit as traumatic for them to be walking through alongside a sibling. It’s really hard. I think that’s one of the hardest things for me is feeling guilt over the time I’m not spending with the older children or the attention that they’re not getting because I have to focus on the treatment for their brother. That’s really hard. That’s hard just in general as a parent, but then you add on, we’re also responsible to still educate them, right? It’s not fair to them to not get educated because we’re distracted. How do you deal with that? What are some ways that you’re able to really, I guess, one, deal with the own mom guilt, and then two, actively be a good homeschool parent to the siblings?
Katie Waalkes: There are three things that I do. I’m going to touch on briefly. Basically, one is to outsource when you can for siblings. That could be using a curriculum that teaches for them and grades for them and things like that to make sure that they’re getting that consistency in teaching and that they’re getting that immediate feedback because the problem is even when mom’s grading stuff, if they’re holding off and you can’t get to it for two weeks, and then they’ve been doing this math concept for two weeks incorrectly, and now it’s this habit that they’re going to wrestle with. I think finding some ways to give yourself some grace and give some wiggle room, but to make sure they’re consistently getting a good education is helpful. We found a lot of incredible online classes because my fear with outsourcing was if I put them in co-op classes or whatever classes out there, then all of a sudden, that’s another place I have to take them to. What happens when I’m in the hospital and I can’t take them? I don’t have licensed drivers yet. Having online resources was great for that. That was one thing. I think the other thing is reminding yourself of that truth. God did not make a mistake when he put that child in your family for a reason, and he didn’t make a mistake when those siblings were assigned to that child either. I have to remind myself constantly when I’m like, they’re being put on the back burner again, or this struggle is happening, or it’s really hard. My daughter has some pretty severe breakdowns and mental days that are not pretty, and everybody suffers on those days and has to come alongside. But you know what? My kids are some of the most compassionate, caring, gracious kids. They get annoyed with their sister. Don’t let me paint this picture wrong. There are days where they would be happy to step away and take a break, but they are so loving and caring in a way that I could have never taught them that had they not gone through this and experienced this. They’re very protective of her, and so I constantly remind myself and them that God didn’t make a mistake when he made this arrangement, and so we don’t need to sit in that guilt. We need to make the most of what God’s called us to do. And then the third thing, and I know this is going to sound, I’ve tried to think about how to phrase this about sound bad, but let’s just say it. Don’t cancel me or come for me, but sometimes we might choose, depending on the situation, especially in a chronic situation where there is no end in sight, to delay treatment or a therapy or something for the better of other children in your home. And now let me clarify that before you come for me. I’m not talking life-saving medical treatments. I am not saying in a cancer situation that we don’t do chemo, like obviously. But somebody came to me and told me this when I was, when Rachel was probably four, and it shook me to my core. But I was like, I’m overwhelmed. I’m stressed. I don’t feel like I’m giving my other kids enough attention. She’s in speech therapy twice a week. She’s in occupational therapy twice a week. She has all these doctor’s appointments. At that time, we were doing 10 to 12 doctor’s appointments a week, per week, every single week. And I had a four-year-old, or she would have been four, so a four, a five, a six, and a seven-year-old is what I had at the time. And I just was overwhelmed. And she was like, you know what, Katie? She’s like, this is a long-term game. She’s like, this is not a sprint. It’s a marathon. And she’s like, there are times where we prioritize our sick child’s health and our other kids suffer a little bit because of the commitments for that. It’s okay to sometimes prioritize the other kid’s mental health and say, you know what, we’re going to take the summer off of therapy. I’m all for early intervention. I’m not saying delay therapy completely, but it’s okay to take a break. So this friend would take cold and flu season off of therapies every year. And she was like, that way my immunosuppressant kid wouldn’t have to worry about getting sick. And they just took that season. So we don’t do that all the time. We have therapies all the time around here. That’s just what we do. But we have taken seasons where we’re like, hey, the needs of someone else in the family, it needs to become the priority right now. And so that sounds really weird. And I don’t know, hopefully you hear my heart behind that, but I want to let you know that it’s okay if you need to press pause on something because we do it with our other kids all the time. It just feels more significant when it’s your medical kid.
Amy Sloan: Yeah. No, I think that’s really helpful for moms to hear. And it is going to be so individualized in any given season. With my older kids, last year when we were in the hospital so much, there were literal months at a time where John and I were not both home with our children for extended periods of time. That’s really hard on a family. It’s hard on your teens and tweens who they need mom and dad too, right? Relationship time. So academically, we simplified our academic requirements quite a bit in order to prioritize when there was time. Mom came home, she took a quick shower, threw in a little laundry. I’m not actually going to go sit there and do your math with you, but I will sit and cuddle and watch a show or read a book with you. That was so much more valuable at that time. Now that we are not quite in that same season, thankfully we are not in the hospital all the time, we’re stepping back up. And no, now actually you are going to have more academic requirements again, back a little bit more to our normal-ish routine. Or even with video calls. I would take my teacher book to the hospital and sit there and be on a video call with my daughter and help her with her Latin because she was just having a really hard time doing it on her own. And so I was like, you know what? I can do that with you over video and that’ll be fine. It gave us a little touch point in the day, kind of a little funny to randomly be doing Latin in the hospital. There’s many creative ways we can still let our children know they’re loved and we care for them and also make sure they are getting the academic instruction they need as well. Absolutely. Well, this was a lovely conversation. I feel like we can keep talking. I mean, we do. We talk on Marco about this stuff all the time. But so that it’s not too unwieldy of an episode, I’ll go ahead and draw us to a close here. But I do want to ask you the questions. I’m asking all my guests this season. So the : first is what are you personally reading lately?
Katie Waalkes: So I’m currently rereading The Secret Thoughts of an Unlikely Convert by Rosaria Butterfield. I read it 10, 11 years ago. Totally changed my life. It was an amazing book. And our church is doing it for our book club. And so we are rereading through it. And I’m just like taking pages and pages of notes. And it’s just such a phenomenal book. I want to leave you with like one thing that I’ve learned from this book, though, like for people to listen or to think about. In her book, she describes or she asked the question, I guess. She says, if you were the only person that someone came into contact with, if you were the only reference point they had about God and who he is, like, would they be convinced that he exists? Would they be convinced? And I was just like, wow, that hit me like a ton of bricks. If you don’t know her story, you should definitely check it out. She has an insanely amazing testimony and how God has used her for sure.
Amy Sloan: Yeah. Oh, that is a fantastic book and such a convicting but also exciting lesson. The final question is almost, I thought, well, I could just leave this off because we’ve kind of been talking about dealing with a hard homeschool season this entire episode. But what would be your best tip for dealing with a homeschool day that seems to be going off the rails?
Katie Waalkes: Keeping things short, you know, shorten things up, have those bare minimums. You can pivot pretty easily. But my biggest tip is to leave the homeschool day on a positive note. So I don’t care if it’s like, you know, everyone’s crying, everyone’s upset. We’ll go do quiet time for like an hour so everybody can have like a timeout and then we’ll come back together and I’ll do like one chapter and read aloud. Or we will all come together and watch a YouTube video or a documentary or something fun, like just leaving it on some kind of positive note. Because what I have found over all the years of homeschooling through very hard seasons is when you leave a homeschool day and everybody’s upset and there’s tears and frustration, whatever, it is 10 times harder to return the next day to homeschooling. And if you missed several days in a row because it’s been hard or because of other reasons and you left it on a negative point, it can be really hard to come back to it. So I think that’s always the thing. It’s just take the last subject outside, go for a walk, whatever it is. It doesn’t matter. The idea is just to leave on some kind of positive note and then you can start back fresh. New mercies in the morning, right?
Amy Sloan: Yeah, that is such a great tip. I don’t think I’ve ever heard someone say it that way, but I’m gonna really, I’m gonna take that to heart. Because sometimes I do. I get to the end of the day, it was hard, everybody’s crying. I’m like, fine, we’re done.
Katie Waalkes: But that’s not a good way to end it. I’ll say forget it, everyone go to your corners, and we’re going to come back out. One more thing, like just one more thing.
Amy Sloan: Oh, I love that. And end with a smile. Katie, where can people find you all around the internet?
Katie Waalkes: Yeah, so you can find me on YouTube, Instagram, Facebook at Life in the Mundane. I do have a website that has some free printables, including one of those emotion charts, truths for kids, prayer things for kids, and that’s lifeinthemundane.com. And then finally, of course, you can find me in the Made to Homeschool community, Amy and I’s homeschool community. We’re doing regular workshops and hangouts, and we get to talk live all the time, as well as a bunch of resources that I put there as well.
Amy Sloan: Yeah, and I will have links to all of those things in the show notes for this episode at humilityanddoxology.com. I would love it if you would take a minute to leave a rating and review for the podcast. If you’re listening, make sure you’re subscribed to the YouTube channel if you’re watching the video. And then, if you know someone who is going through a hard season in their homeschool, would you take the time to share this episode with them? We really want this to be an encouragement to other homeschool moms that you know you’re not alone, that God is there with you in the midst of these difficult homeschool days. And I know both Katie and I would love to chat with you, you know, here in the comments, or send us a DM, or pop into Made to Homeschool, join us live there. But we really do just pray that this was an encouragement and a blessing to you, and I will be talking with you, I’m sure, very soon again.