In today’s fast-paced world, the experience of homeschooling can often feel overwhelming, leaving little room for the joy of learning or genuine connections. However, home educators and parents like Leslie Martino emphasize the importance of fostering deep relationships with children through a more meaningful approach to education. By prioritizing depth over breadth, embracing the learning process, and creating space for exploration, families can cultivate a joyful educational experience that aligns with their values. In today’s discussion, Leslie and I explore practical strategies for nurturing connections with our children, pursuing a joyfully slow homeschool approach that encourages our children’s emotional and intellectual growth.
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- Homeschool Journey
- Slowing Down to Savor
- Connection and Relationships
- Letting Go of our Need for Control
- The Joy of Slow: Restoring Balance and Wonder to Homeschool Learning
- Interest Led Learning
- Life-giving Power of Joy in Our Homeschools
- Nurturing Meaningful Connections with Our Children
- Key Takeaways
- Listen to the full podcast episode “The Powerful Joy of Slow Home Education with Leslie Martino” on Homeschool Conversations with Humility and Doxology
- Find Leslie Martino Online
- You May Also Enjoy
- Check out all the other interviews in my Homeschool Conversations series!
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Homeschool Journey
Originally from New York, Leslie Martino and her husband relocated to Central Florida, where they struggled to find an educational environment that aligned with their values. They decided early on to homeschool, viewing it as an opportunity to create a learning space tailored to their needs and preferences. When their eldest child reached school age, homeschooling felt like a natural progression.
As both my husband and myself were homeschooled, the decision to homeschool our children was an organic one. With positive memories of our own education, it felt like a natural choice, allowing us to replicate the enriching experiences we had growing up. This shared enthusiasm highlights the flexibility and personalization that homeschooling can offer.
Slowing Down to Savor
Initially, Leslie drew upon her background as a non-traditional classroom teacher, focusing on slow, in-depth learning and hands-on, sensory-rich experiences. However, as she and her husband progressed in their homeschooling journey, they realized the need for a deeper, shared sense of purpose. This led them to establish core values that would guide their educational choices, especially during challenging times or moments of doubt. Leslie emphasizes the importance of being clear about these values and adapting to the needs of each child, seeing the time spent with them as a valuable gift. Her approach shifted from focusing on the “right” curriculum or method to prioritizing meaningful family connections and a slower, more intentional pace.
It is important to start with a clear “why” in homeschooling, rather than diving straight into curriculum choices. Having a strong foundation of family values can provide direction and resilience, especially when things don’t go as planned. Aligning our daily life with these values helps maintain perspective and focus during the homeschooling journey.
Connection and Relationships
Leslie shares that one of her favorite aspects of homeschooling is the deep connection she builds with her children. She values the opportunity to understand each child as an individual—their learning styles, strengths, personalities, and interests. Unlike a traditional classroom setting, homeschooling provides the time to explore these aspects intimately and cater to each child’s needs and passions. Leslie also enjoys the flexibility to structure their days around natural rhythms, allowing them to integrate learning seamlessly into their everyday lives. She finds joy in sharing her own passions with her children, creating a unique family culture enriched by shared interests.
Shared experiences help shape a family’s identity. This connection is a source of joy, creating a space for inside jokes, special interests, and a community where everyone learns from each other. Leslie shares a fun example of this, mentioning how her daughter has become the “resident bird nerd,” teaching her new facts about birds—an experience that encapsulates the reciprocal learning and connection within their homeschool.
Letting Go of our Need for Control
Leslie reflects on the challenges of homeschooling, particularly the uncertainty that comes with not having all the answers. Whether it’s navigating a child’s learning struggles, choosing the right curriculum, or responding to a child’s behavior, the challenge often stems from a desire to maintain control. Leslie notes that the need for control can arise out of love, as parents seek to ensure the best outcomes, but it can also be driven by fear—fear of making mistakes or of the unknown. This focus on control can negatively impact the emotional atmosphere at home, creating tension and stress. She has found that letting go of the need to control every detail allows her to be more present with her children, to embrace the imperfections, and to find joy in the process. Recognizing that the messiness of life is part of the journey helps her find balance and fulfillment in homeschooling.
I connect this idea to the biblical principle that “perfect love casts out fear,” emphasizing how fear and love cannot coexist in the same space. When decisions are made out of fear, it can be difficult to cultivate meaningful relationships and a positive homeschooling environment. Focusing on love and connection can help diminish fear and create a more harmonious home. Both of us agree that embracing the challenges as part of the learning process is key to overcoming obstacles and finding joy in the homeschool journey.
The Joy of Slow: Restoring Balance and Wonder to Homeschool Learning
Leslie Martino delves into her philosophy of “slow” education, emphasizing the importance of depth over breadth in learning. For Leslie, this approach means building deep roots rather than spreading wide, allowing time for a true, meaningful understanding to develop. She acknowledges that while covering a wide range of topics might create the appearance of progress, it doesn’t always lead to deep and useful learning. Slow education involves respecting the process, whether it unfolds over weeks, months, or even years, and focusing on a deeper connection with the material rather than simply seeking the right answers.
Leslie also highlights the value of creating a learning environment that prioritizes quality over quantity, choosing to do fewer things but with greater intention. She believes in honoring children’s interests and giving them time to develop their imagination and skills. This involves curating a learning space that offers room for wonder, spontaneity, and exploration—akin to how adults pursue their own curiosities. Slowing down requires making space for peace and margin, avoiding over-scheduling, and being flexible about daily routines. Leslie emphasizes the importance of redefining success, recognizing that true learning doesn’t always equate to rigor and difficulty. Instead, it’s about finding a balanced approach that values the beauty in the ordinary, cherishing the time spent together as a family and preserving the joy of discovery.
Interest Led Learning
Leslie Martino shares how she integrates her children’s passions and interests into their homeschooling routine. She emphasizes the importance of creating dedicated time and space for personal interests, which they call “project time.” This time allows her children to explore activities or projects that excite them, whether that means working on a large-scale project, building with Legos, creating a podcast, or simply reading a book. Project time is intentionally open-ended, encouraging children to take ownership of their learning and allowing them to direct how they want to spend that part of the day.
Leslie also sees her role as a mentor during these times, offering guidance, being a sounding board, or sometimes just stepping back and allowing her children to dive into their projects independently. This mentorship allows for meaningful discussions about their interests and passions, fostering an environment where they can share their progress and ideas.
Additionally, she incorporates her children’s interests into more structured academic subjects. Even when using a set curriculum, Leslie loves to ask her kids for their input, exploring their curiosities and making connections between their interests and the subject at hand. She adapts her approach based on her children’s ages and needs, shifting project time to different parts of the day or even devoting an entire month to focus on creative exploration. This flexibility allows her to align their learning with their energy levels and interests, ensuring that what matters most is prioritized during the times when they are most engaged.
In our family, Morning Time has been a way to include our most meaningful activities at the forefront of the day. There’s a mindset shift that comes from prioritizing what’s truly important first, rather than relegating those pursuits to after more formal subjects. This approach makes sure that passions and interests are not squeezed out by other obligations and helps create a homeschooling schedule that is both purposeful and fulfilling.
Life-giving Power of Joy in Our Homeschools
Joy is a key element in creating a life-giving educational experience at home. Leslie explains that joy isn’t something that can be sought directly; rather, it emerges when one’s life aligns with meaningful values. To find joy, Leslie encourages focusing on what truly matters to you and your family, identifying and living according to those values, and making intentional choices that reflect them.
She sees balance as crucial, helping families make decisions that are both practical and meaningful, which naturally leads to joy. This joy isn’t a superficial or contrived feeling, but rather a deep sense of contentment and fulfillment that comes from a life well-lived, with a focus on experiences and connections that hold intrinsic value. When a family prioritizes the things that matter most to them—like close connections or shared experiences—they’re more likely to find joy in those moments.
Nurturing Meaningful Connections with Our Children
Leslie Martino highlights the different layers of connection—mental, emotional, and physical—and how they can be nurtured with children. She explains that deep, meaningful connections can develop in various ways:
- Mind-to-Mind Connection: This is often fostered through conversation, particularly in a homeschooling environment where ideas are exchanged freely. Leslie encourages parents to move beyond just asking questions and instead engage in genuine discussions where both sides share thoughts openly. She suggests creating opportunities for these conversations outside of formal learning, such as going out for ice cream or chatting about a movie, to foster a more natural exchange of ideas.
- Body-to-Body Connection: Physical touch is another important aspect of connection. Leslie notes that physical moments like hugs and kisses matter, but there are also smaller, meaningful ways to connect, such as a touch on the arm, a pat on the back, or simply making eye contact at the child’s level. For some children, engaging in physical activities together, like playing a game or going for a run, can create strong connections.
- Heart-to-Heart Connection: This type of connection involves the open exchange of emotions and sharing moments of vulnerability. It’s not just about big emotional displays but also about everyday exchanges where parents and children share their hearts with each other. Leslie emphasizes that this kind of connection can be hard to define, but you recognize it when you feel it.
Leslie also encourages parents to explore how their children like to connect, adjusting their approach as needed. She stresses that even small efforts to build connections can make a big difference, and parents don’t need to wait for the perfect moment—just start somewhere and be willing to improve over time. It’s important to take the pressure off and embrace imperfection when nurturing these connections.
Nurturing meaningful connections with your children during their homeschooling journey is not just about imparting knowledge; it’s about building a foundation of trust, understanding, and joy. By implementing strategies such as fostering open communication, allowing space for personal interests, and exploring various layers of connection, you can create an enriching environment that enhances both learning and relationships. Remember, the most valuable lessons often arise from shared experiences and genuine interactions. Embrace the beauty of these moments, and watch as your family’s homeschooling experience transforms into a joyful and fulfilling adventure.
Key Takeaways
- Depth Over Breadth: Emphasizing the importance of building deep understanding in education rather than trying to cover too many topics superficially.
- Valuing the Process: Recognizing that learning is a process that takes time and patience, focusing on enjoyment rather than just achieving the correct answers.
- Creating Space for Exploration: Allowing for unstructured time in the day to explore children’s interests and passions, fostering a sense of wonder and spontaneity.
- Project Time: Implementing dedicated “project time” to encourage children to pursue personal interests, whether through creative projects or other explorative activities.
- Mentorship Role: Adopting a mentorship approach as a parent, guiding children in their interests while also allowing them space to work independently.
- Joy as a Priority: Understanding that joy emerges from living a meaningful life aligned with personal values, and it cannot be pursued in isolation.
- Layered Connections: Recognizing the different layers of connection (mental, emotional, physical) that can be nurtured to deepen relationships with children.
- Adapting Routines: Flexibly adapting daily routines and structures to align with family values and energy levels, making learning experiences more enjoyable.
- Fostering Open Communication: Encouraging genuine conversations with children by engaging them in shared interests and experiences outside formal education settings.
- Exploring Connection: Actively exploring different ways to connect with children, including physical touch, shared activities, and emotional exchanges, to build stronger bonds.
Listen to the full podcast episode “The Powerful Joy of Slow Home Education with Leslie Martino” on Homeschool Conversations with Humility and Doxology
LESLIE M. MARTINO has over twenty years of experience teaching—as an elementary school teacher, a home educator, and an adjunct lecturer for graduate courses focused on the role of the teacher in supporting children’s individual work preferences. She homeschools her four children and works as an educational consultant, writing curricula, training teachers, and coaching parents to approach learning in an interest-based and child-directed way. She is a speaker on topics of education and motherhood and is also a contributing writer for the Wild Free homeschooling community.
Find Leslie Martino Online
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- Reading, Relationships, and Restfully Homeschooling (with Sarah Mackenzie)
- Our Morning Gathering: Memory, Laughter, and Relationship
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Check out all the other interviews in my Homeschool Conversations series!
Amy Sloan: Hello friends. Today I am joined by Leslie Martino, who has over 20 years experience teaching as an elementary school teacher, a home educator, and an adjunct lecturer for graduate courses focused on the role of the teacher in supporting children’s individual work preferences. Leslie homeschools her four children and works as an educational consultant, writing curricula, training teachers, and coaching parents to approach learning in an interest-based and child-directed way. She is the speaker on topics of education and motherhood and is also a contributing writer for the Wild and Free homeschooling community. Leslie, I am so excited to chat with you today. Would you tell us a little bit about yourself and your family and how you guys got started homeschooling?
Leslie Martino: Sure. Thank you, Amy, for having me on. I’m excited to be here. As you said, my family, four children, my husband and I, we live in Central Florida and I am an educator. I’ve been an educator for a while and I think before we even had children. We originally are from New York and so when we moved to where we are now in Florida, I was looking for educational environments that I knew I could thrive in and at that time, there wasn’t a lot that I was finding and I remember us having conversations early on before we were even parents. Let’s just homeschool. Let’s create what we’re looking for and so that was always like in the back of our minds and then we just sort of, when my oldest became school-aged, it was just sort of like, oh, I guess we’re homeschoolers. That’s how it started.
Amy Sloan: It’s really fun to hear that. My husband and I were both homeschooled growing up. I was homeschooled through graduation and my husband was homeschooled through seventh grade. When people ask us, why did you decide to homeschool? It was just sort of not a big decision for us. We had both had such a positive experience being homeschooled and we talked about it before we got married and it just sort of felt like a very natural, organic decision. I loved what you said that you were going to create the learning environment that you were looking for, which of course is one of the joys of homeschooling. For sure.
Leslie Martino: That’s really cool that both you and your husband were homeschooled. I love to hear stories of adults who have been homeschooled. I just, I really, I enjoy it. I love it. I love to hear that perspective.
Amy Sloan: It is really fun too because, we were relatively normal. We turned out okay. What were some of the ways that you’ve seen your approach to education or just your philosophy of homeschooling growing or changing over the years?
Leslie Martino: It’s interesting. I started off wanting to explore ways of learning that I was actually familiar with as a classroom teacher. The schools that I worked in for the most part were very non-traditional. It was slow. We focused on deep, rich learning. We had very hands-on sensory type experiences. It was, the environment there was really about mentoring students in their pursuits of their own self-directed work. That was very non-traditional for what was going on in the landscape of education at the time, probably still is. It wasn’t long before my husband and I realized that we needed more than that. We needed to have a stronger sense of why we were doing what we were doing. Also like one that we really discussed together, not just like, oh, here’s Leslie, the educator who’s eager to take on a different classroom thing. It was like, we needed to really come to an agreement and talk through some of those things about our values. We needed to have a purpose that would serve us well, especially when we encountered things along the way that were really difficult, or we experienced doubt, about whether or not we could really pull this off. We had to establish our core values and adapt while we kept adapting to everyone’s needs and to changing life circumstances. In doing all that, I came to the realization that the time that we’re spending with our children is a gift. It really is. It wasn’t about the things that we typically worry about, the right curriculum or the right educational philosophy or style. It was something more broad, yet more meaningful. What was most important became a combination of ideas that I had been exploring as a classroom teacher and things I was also learning from mistakes I was making. My approach incorporates my values around learning and family life. I really wanted to slow down to savor the best parts of the experience.
Amy Sloan: I love that it started with a why. A lot of times, homeschoolers, new homeschool moms, they just jump right into doing all the curriculum research, right? Trying to come up with the perfect plan. How important it is really to start with your why, both as an individual and as a partner with your husband, because that’s what keeps you going on those days when things are tricky, or maybe they’re not working out the way you thought they would. You can go back down to those core family values. That ends up giving you that perspective.
Leslie Martino: For sure. You have to be explicit about it out of your own mouth, in your own mind, because you yourself forget those things when you’re in the middle, and you have to constantly remind yourself, You have to make your life line up to what it is that you truly value. You can’t just say that and then not be explicit about what you’re doing with it,
Amy Sloan: Yes, it’s a lot easier to say than to apply sometimes. Exactly. Oh, Leslie, what have been some of your favorite parts of homeschooling over the years?
Leslie Martino: I would say, hands down, the connection that we’re able to build in our relationships with each other. I think that that’s so high up on the list of one of the things that I truly enjoy, one of my favorite parts of homeschooling. It’s also the time that we have to get to know our children as individuals. Included with that is getting to know their learning styles, their personalities, their strengths, their interests, how they approach challenges, their sense of humor. Just to have the time to really know those things intimately really is something that I love. I love having the freedom to explore in depth the many things my children care about, for their own reasons and goals. when I think about how that compares to the classroom, of course we cared about the children, we cared about their interests, but you don’t have as much time, to do that with a great deal of kids. I love the time that we have to do that at home. Just the ability to structure our days around natural rhythms of focus, intensity, energy, fatigue, like we live life, basically. Homeschooling is a part of it. I think also I would say for me, I really enjoy getting to do things with my children that fill me up and make me excited. To introduce them to things that are areas of passion for me, like that’s been really fun.
Amy Sloan: It is. Sometimes I call it brainwashing, a little tongue in cheek. All the things that I’m really excited about, I love being able to pass on that enthusiasm to my children. That’s what makes each unique homeschool family just a little different, like a little quirky. It’s your family’s personality, right? That’s good. Not everyone is going to geek out over Shakespeare or Homer like I do, but that’s okay. It’s fun to get to share that with my children and then see our family, we have our own little inside jokes, our own inside quotes that just are part of building that family culture, that community
Leslie Martino: connection. Yes. The thing that I love is that we do that with each other. I get to share my quirky interests with them and they share theirs with me. I know things that I would never know if it weren’t for my children. Some of the things are just random and some of them, I always call even my daughter, she’s like our resident bird nerd. If there’s ever a fact I wanted to know about any bird, I just turned to her and ask and nine times out of 10, she knows it. It’s like, then I know it after that. That’s fun. That’s fun to do that together.
Amy Sloan: It is. It really is. Connection and sharing these moments together and learning, these are all great things of homeschooling, but it can also be challenging at times. We have all experienced that. What are some of the challenges in homeschooling and how have you sought to overcome those challenges?
Leslie Martino: That’s a really good question. I think that one of the big challenge, or it’s very global, maybe like a big picture, I think for me, is not having all the answers to some of your most pressing questions. Whether it’s how to best help a child through a learning challenge or whether you’re making the right choice in curriculum or whether your words are the best response to a child’s actions. A lot of that I think is true in parenting. There’s just an added educational element to factor in, but I really think overcoming those challenges has to do with how we view control. A sense of control over what’s happening in our homes correlates, many of us believe, with a good outcome. If we can control it, then it’s going to work. Sometimes control is out of love. It’s our way to jumpstart certainty and feel more confident in what we’re doing. We just want it to go right. An element of our need to control can really be birthed out of fear. It’s coming from a place of fear. I think that uncertainty or fear about whatever we don’t know ends up making us feel insecure. That can really disrupt a lot of things like the emotional and relational atmosphere in the home. It almost seems like the challenges keep mounting when that occurs. I find that when I’m focused personally on controlling every moment of the day or every outcome of our experience, what I’m doing is I’m maximizing what I think needs to be controlled. The opposite of that is that I’m minimizing my ability to really just be present and to really enjoy our time together. Then I miss out on opportunities to have fun with my children, to be more fulfilled as a parent, things like that. I think that the whole point is the process. It’s what we learn and discover along the way. It’s the challenges. It includes the setbacks, the wins, and the growth. The sooner that I realize that my fulfillment comes in the messy process of finding balance, like it’s supposed to be messy, it becomes a more enjoyable experience. That’s how I try to overcome that challenge.
Amy Sloan: It makes me think of the scripture verse that perfect love casts out fear. Of course, in the ultimate global eternal sense of that, it’s God’s love that casts out fear. I think it does point to this idea of the inability of love and fear to coexist at the same time in a relationship. When our parenting or our homeschooling is based out of fear and we’re making fear-driven decisions, putting all of that burden on ourselves or on our children, it really is almost impossible to have that deep, meaningful connection, the love, at the same time. I guess then the flip side of that would be actively pursuing the love will help that fear go away.
Leslie Martino: Yes, for sure. I really like the way that you said that. It’s true. They don’t coexist. I think that when we allow it to fester, we’re really doing ourselves a disservice, our children, the whole experience, really. It doesn’t have to be. This doesn’t mean that it’s always easy. I feel like it’s the process of figuring out how to do, of just doing it, of being messy inside of it, is the whole point of the experience. It’s like life. That’s how God teaches us. I don’t know. I hope that…
Amy Sloan: No, that’s great. Yes. At the very beginning, you mentioned even your own experience as an educator. It was in a bit of a nontraditional classroom where things were slower, deeper. I know you’ve brought up that term again, describing your own homeschooling. Can you explain what do you mean? What does the idea of slow mean when it comes to education?
Leslie Martino: Yes, sure. Okay. I’ll describe what I feel like are some key elements or important elements. One, I would say that it’s about adopting a meaningful practice of building deep rather than wide roots. It’s about that willingness to explore depth over breadth and not being afraid to admit that the breadth might make you feel like you’re doing all the right things, but it doesn’t necessarily translate to meaningful or true and useful learning. Whether you’re moving through curriculum or learning is unfolding naturally, no matter how you’re entering into that learning experience, you’re valuing deeper understanding over shallow mastery. Because of that, there’s a respect that you have for the process of building knowledge. Again, like I was saying before, it’s about the process. It’s not just about the right answer, but it’s coming alongside of your children and helping them to enjoy the process of learning. You, as a parent, understanding that processes take time to unfold. You might not necessarily see them unfold in a week or a month or one year. Sometimes that’s a whole year’s long process. When you think about the everyday, I think about just curating that learning environment that really just seeks to do fewer things better, finding the meaningful in the few. Inside of that, it’s about honoring a child’s interests, respecting the time it takes to cultivate their imagination, to develop authentic skills. A lot of times we say we value those things, but then we don’t allow for it to happen. Those things aren’t built overnight. It’s doing work that’s meaningful, taking the time, I like to say, to marvel and be amazed by everything this world has to offer, which there’s so much. There’s stories of a wide range of people and places, cultures, ideas, experiences. There’s so much richness to explore. When it comes to subjects, I think why not tackle those with dynamism and flexibility and use elements like surprise and wonder and spontaneity to just linger a little longer with material, the same way we do as adults when we get wowed by something or we spontaneously decide that we wanted to know something or learn something. I believe it’s important to create the space in the day that also adds a sense of peace and a margin for adventure. Sometimes we just fill our day with way too much. We forget about slowing down because there’s no space to even think about doing that. We sometimes have that tendency to over-schedule. Inside of that, we have these really rigid expectations about how each day is supposed to go, how a subject is supposed to play out. We lead, again, from a place of control. Because we fear or we have concerns about our child’s academic achievement. I think it also includes welcoming those kinds of pursuits that are slower, that replenish the soul. Those things are going to be different for everyone, different for every family, whether it’s hiking or the habit of nature journaling or I don’t know, skydiving. I don’t know. It’s like, that’s totally up to your family. I think inherently inside of that, it’s like a willingness to redefine success and to broaden our understanding of what constitutes a rich learning life. Rigor and difficulty are not necessarily synonymous with true and useful learning, like I mentioned before. I like to think of it as striving for a balance of ideals. I feel that balance is found imperfectly. It’s not striving for perfection. It’s striving to always be balanced. When you’re giving too much, you figure out how to balance on the other side or giving too little, figuring out how to balance all of those things out. I want to find the beauty in just the ordinary. It doesn’t always have to be big. It doesn’t always have to be grand. I think one of the things that I enjoy about homeschooling, that connection with the family, it’s also putting that as a priority as a way to preserve joy.
Amy Sloan: I hear you mentioning ideas like leaving an essentially white space, having the margin. In order to pursue a slow education, to pursue that ideal, there has to be space. There has to be space for that. I know you’ve talked about the importance of listening to your children’s passions and interests. I feel like that’s also something that we have to leave some space for. How are some ways that we can include our children’s passions and interests in the learning process?
Leslie Martino: We’ve done it in different ways. I think that’s the fun of it is, again, to explore all those different ways. Some of the things that we’ve done, we have something that we affectionately call in my home project time. In a lot of ways, I don’t like that term because it carries a lot of ideas around what it means. That there’s only one project at a time or that a project has to be seen through completion. It’s just what we call it. What it is a time in the day that we have set aside to just be able to explore interests, personal interests and passions and to direct and to be in charge of how you want this part of your day to go. It could very well mean that you’re doing a huge project and creating a podcast or something. It could mean you have a store and you’re designing things to put in the store. It could mean you wanted to build Lego. You just wanted to paint or read your book that day. It’s just using the time to just be personal and intentional about what it is that you want to do and want to learn and then see what grows inside of that. It means different things to different children. They’re doing different things, but it’s just space in the day that we’ve set apart for that. Then I love to think of myself in those times as a mentor. How do I mentor them inside of these interests and these passions? Sometimes that’s just leaving them alone and letting them go and letting them do it. Sometimes it’s me getting a chance to work alongside of them around something that I’m interested in. That’s one of the things I love is when we can share together and talk about what are you working on? What are you working on? What are your questions? Can we be a sounding board for you? Can we be a think tank? Can we offer you advice? Here’s some of the things we notice about your work. We’ve had so many great insights out of just that sharing time. We incorporate interests and passions that way. I love to incorporate them into more formal things that we study. It’s just in my bones. I can’t not do it. It doesn’t matter if I’m using a curriculum that says, do this. I’m going to be like, do you want to do this? What do you think about that? Do you want to add to this? Oh, it’d be really cool to explore this a little bit more. What do you want to explore? I’m just always, I love asking those kinds of questions and to invite that sort of personal connection into any learning experiences. That’s some of the ways that we have done that. The project time piece, like I said, changes with the children’s ages. We’ve done a whole morning set apart for that. We’ve done a month and then not focusing on it for a month. We’ve organized that time in different ways. That is so smart.
Amy Sloan: Actually,this is reminding me of the mindset shifting that occurred when I first heard about the idea of morning time. Because I had all these ideals, these things that were really important to me to include in our homeschool, but I felt like I wasn’t allowed to do them first. I had to do all this other stuff first. Then I would be tired and I didn’t want to do it anymore. Does anybody else feel like by the time it’s 1 p.m., you’re like, okay, I’m done for the day. Once I heard about this idea of morning time, I was like, oh, wait, I can do those first. Just starting the day, having this time that was, we were all together and we can include the things that were really important to us and we could do it first, really transformed our homeschool. It took these ideals and brought them into my reality. I had never thought about doing something like that for a project time, a making time, where you can just go ahead and put that on the schedule. This is just what we do. This is part of our routine. Then you don’t feel like, oh, that’s something we’ll get to after we do all the other important stuff. No, this is a part of our purposeful schedule. Just giving families the freedom to prioritize that. Because if you just say you want to do it, but you don’t have a plan to implement it, it’s probably not going to actually happen.
Leslie Martino: I love the fact that you said that about creating those types of routines and how your day will flow, because that is something that I love doing. It does not necessarily look the same for us. There are little things like a thread and themes that carry through, but it doesn’t look the same from year to year all the time. Because I like to think of things like, what is the work that is really meaningful? Put that at the forefront of when energy levels are high, when you feel good, when everybody is ready. Then coordinating other times of the day where people are feeling differently with other kinds of work. I feel like you get to tune into those things as a family. We explored, I remember one time I was really struggling with just getting math done. I was like, gosh, maybe we should put this at the forefront of the day, because I just feel like it’s not good. For a while it was like, first thing in the morning, let’s just get it out of the way and do math. Then after a while, then we’re like, okay, let’s do something different. I love that we get to explore those things. Sometimes we put that project time at the forefront of the day. Sometimes we have it on the back end and sometimes we can just play with that.
Amy Sloan: I love that. Play and joy and just this enthusiasm that I just hear oozing out of your voice as you’re talking. Why do you think joy is such a powerful part of a life-giving educational experience?
Leslie Martino: I talk about joy a lot because I think we’re more likely to find it when we’re living a meaningful life or when our lives are full of experiences that hold an intrinsic value. That’s why I’m like, tune into your values first. You can’t just go on a hunt for joy. You’re not going to find it in and of itself. You have to go and align your life with what’s meaningful. In the end, when I think about slow, it’s an effort to be more balanced. Balance helps us make better choices for ourselves and for our families that are both sensible and meaningful. Again, it’s looking for meaning. I think it’s out of that place that we will actually experience a lot of joy. It’s not just like a pretend happy feeling or something that we have to conjure up or contrive. It’s based on living a life that’s aligned with your values and the things that you find meaningful because that’s inherently joyful. That’s going to bring a lot of happiness. I like to focus on the things that you actually want your family to be about, your life to be about. When you say that you really value a close family connection, if you align your time with that in mind and that being your focus, you’ll end up finding that as a joyful experience. You’ll enjoy your kids. We often tend to focus on too much the things that we don’t actually value. We end up feeling tired. We end up feeling disconnected. We end up feeling because we are focusing on the wrong things. That’s why I like to talk about joy so much.
Amy Sloan: It’s like that old metaphor of the jar. If you fill the jar with water first, you can’t put in the big rocks and the little rocks. If we can start with those key family values, those key meaningful things, put those in first. Yes, you have many other things that probably need to get done, other things that you have to do. If you put those big rocks in first, right? Yes. Yes, for sure. I think a lot of the things we’ve already been talking about are pointing to this idea of fostering deep, meaningful connections with our children. Do you have any other tips or suggestions for ways we can do that both within the formal home education part of our family life or just in general?
Leslie Martino: Yes. Whenever I think of connection, I think about just with anyone, right? Connection with a child, connection with a spouse, connection with a friend. What are the ways that connection happens or what are the ways that connection can be felt? It happens through different sorts of what I think of as layered experiences. There’s mental, emotional, physical, there’s all these different layers of connection. When I think about deep and meaningful connection with my children, I try to explore the connection that’s happening on those different layers. When you think about a mind to mind connection, that’s like, it happens a lot in homeschooling, right? Because especially if you’re exchanging ideas and like they’re free flowing, talking about what you think all the time. It occurs through many, much of the time it occurs through conversation. It happens really easily around shared interests or whenever two people can share their thoughts or engage in joint challenges of the intellect, things like that. I like to explore that because I think as parents, sometimes we think we’re conversing with our children and we’re just like rapid fire asking them a lot of questions and then wanting them to answer us in ways that we expect. It’s not like real conversation. Sometimes we need to take these exercises and explorations outside of homeschooling to get a more like neutral picture of how it actually exists. Go out for tea or go out, for ice cream and tell me about like this movie. Let’s talk about this movie we just watched, like just level the playing field. I want to actually know what you think. Then there’s body to body connection that happens through physical touch. I think sometimes we think only in terms of those physical moments, like hugs and kisses. Those are all important. I have, some children more than others are much more physical. If I don’t give 20 hugs a day, it’s like, oh, they’re like, mommy, you don’t love me. I’m like, what? It’s also, other smaller points of connection, physical connection too. Just, patting a back or touching an arm or looking in their eyes, getting down in their space or on their level to really just, have that contact. Even for some kids, it’s engaging in physical activity together, like a game or a sport. I have one child who will always go running with me, not all of them, but one. That’s our time to physically connect. I think of that as like a body to body connection. Then heart to heart, it’s just that free flowing exchange of emotion. It’s not always like, it’s not necessarily always the extreme, tears or yelling, like the emotional spectrum. It’s not always at the far ends, but it’s just, everything that exists in the middle, bearing your heart to each other, communicating in a way that matches the vulnerability of the other person. You, when it’s happening, it’s really hard to pinpoint and explain, but like, you walk away from someone, you’re like, wow, we just had like a heart connection, I try to encourage parents. I try, I encourage myself to explore connection with your children through those different layers and just like figure out, how can I do it a little more? How can I do it? Because sometimes we assume that, oh yes, things are good. We have a good connection. Then you’re like, wait, I could actually be doing a little better with this, or we could actually be doing this a little bit more. I could ask you how you enjoy connecting in this area, Taking time to explore is always a win. These never, but I, I’ve created different resources and things to help parents be able to do that, 30 day connection challenge, but really it’s just a way to like jumpstart it all, like make it fun and doesn’t have to be grand.
Amy Sloan: Just do it. That’s, that is a good reminder. I think sometimes we build it up too much in our head. Just start somewhere, do the imperfect things, do it badly, but just get
Leslie Martino: started, right? Do it badly. I like that. Yes. Just start.
Amy Sloan: It’s really funny. Because my youngestson, he’s nine now and he’s been going through cancer treatment for the past year. He’s always been like a more touchy feely kid. you have some kids who are, they’re like, just don’t touch me. Other kids who want to be right next to you all the time. We were talking, his older siblings were discussing love languages recently or something in the living room. He goes, I think my love language is cuddles. He knows that about himself. I was like, I will give you as many cuddles as you want.
Leslie, this has been so lovely. I know this is going to be encouraging for so many moms. Before we end, I wanted to ask you the questions I’m asking all my guests this season. The first is just, what are you personally reading lately?
Leslie Martino: Currently right now I am reading, I’m doing two things. I’m preparing for a book club. We have a book club for it’s children of all different ages. One of the ways that I prepare like what all the books are going to be is I do a lot of reading in the summer. I’m reading an assortment of children’s books right now, young adult fiction, middle grade fiction, like all different things. I’m reading Jack Zulu and the Girl with the Golden Wings by J.C. Smith and S.D. Smith. Then I’m also reading not fiction, but just for myself, it’s the Opt Out Family by Erin Lochner. It’s about your family’s approach to social media, screen time, and technology. Those both sound delightful. I actually
Amy Sloan: just started reading the first Jack Zulu book with my son last night. We already, we’re already in it. We are in like one more chapter. I was like, after I’m done recording podcast.
Leslie Martino:. We loved the first book. I’m super excited about the second one. Oh, that’s awesome.
Amy Sloan: All right. The final question is what would be your best tip for dealing with a homeschool day or maybe a homeschool season that seems to be going completely wrong?
Leslie Martino: I feel like I say it a lot, but this is your family. My tip would be remembering this, that this is your family. These are your children and you get to decide your why, right? We’re always talking about my why for homeschooling. You get to decide your why, but you also get to decide your how. You define the quality of your home experience and how you want things to be. Things could be going all wrong, but don’t be afraid to ask the hard questions and make the choices that get you closer to that definition of how you want things to be, like the quality of it. Sometimes that means putting your focus on something else, doing the things that you already know fill you up or that breathe life into your day.
Amy Sloan: That reminds me of that moment from the Pride and Prejudice film where Elizabeth comes in and Mariah is taking all of the dresses out of the trunk and she’s like, I have to repack the entire trunk because Lady Catherine was all up in arms about it or whatever. Elizabeth says, this is your trunk and these are your gowns. Lady Catherine will never know. I think about that as a homeschool mom. Sometimes we’re like, oh, I’ve got to repack my trunk. It’s like, this is your family. These are your kids. You get to do it the way that works best for you.
Leslie Martino: Absolutely. I like that.
Amy Sloan: Leslie, where can people find you all around the internet?
Leslie Martino: I am online at lesliemartino.com. When it comes to social media, I’m probably most active on Instagram and that’s Leslie M. Martino. You got to stick a little M in there. I would love if you connected with me, join my email list, hit reply if I send you an email because I love to connect with people. I really do.
Amy Sloan: Wonderful. I will have links to those things as well as the resource that you mentioned earlier in the show notes for this episode over at humilityanddoxology.com. If you are listening, please take a moment to subscribe to the podcast in your app and leave a rating and review. Pass this episode on to a friend who you think could use some homeschool encouragement. If you’re watching on YouTube, make sure you’re subscribed so you don’t miss the rest of the homeschool conversations this season. Leslie, it was really nice to meet you and to chat with you today. Thank you for taking the time.