Homeschooling can feel overwhelming, with countless pressures and distractions vying for your family’s attention. However, nurturing a peaceful and joyful childhood for your kids is entirely possible, even amidst the chaos. In a recent conversation with veteran homeschooler Durenda Wilson, we explored practical strategies for protecting our children, fostering open communication, and trusting in God’s faithfulness. Join us as we delve into these insights, offering encouragement and guidance to help you thrive in your homeschooling journey.
- Flexibility of Homeschooling
- Unhurried Homeschooling
- Gifts of Homeschooling
- Peace Over Fear
- Trusting God with Our Homeschools
- Simplifying Childhood
- Advice for New Homeschoolers
- Persevering in Challenging Seasons
- Key Takeaways
- Listen to the full podcast episode “Simplifying Homeschooling for Peaceful Days with Durenda Wilson” on Homeschool Conversations with Humility and Doxology
- Find Durenda Wilson Online
- You May Also Enjoy
- Check out all the other interviews in my Homeschool Conversations series!
{This post contains paid links. Please see disclaimer.}
Flexibility of Homeschooling
Durenda Wilson shares her homeschooling journey, which spans over 30 years, with seven of her eight children having graduated, and her youngest, who is on the spectrum, still working at his own pace. Durenda and her husband, Daryl, decided to homeschool from the start of their marriage, influenced in part by Daryl’s brother, who was already homeschooling. Starting in 1989, their decision was unconventional at the time, but it allowed them to tailor their children’s education to their individual needs. Durenda appreciates the flexibility homeschooling offers, especially for her youngest child, who feels comfortable progressing at his own pace without pressure.
Unhurried Homeschooling
Durenda Wilson reflects on her evolving approach to homeschooling, emphasizing the value of an “unhurried” philosophy throughout her 30-year journey. Initially, she embraced a slower start for young children, not rushing them into academics until they were ready, and gradually adding more as they grew. This approach proved effective and surprisingly continued to shape her method even beyond the early years. Durenda discovered that learning cannot be rushed and that children thrive when given time, space, and a simple environment to explore their interests. Even as her kids reached middle and high school, she maintained a focus on leaving margin in their schedules, believing that preserving a love for learning is more important than overloading them with schoolwork. She stresses the importance of managing time like a budget, allowing space for the unexpected and prioritizing a balanced, thoughtful approach to daily life. This perspective encourages parents to maintain flexibility and prioritize their children’s overall well-being throughout their homeschooling journey.
Gifts of Homeschooling
Durenda Wilson highlights the deep connections and strong relationships as some of her favorite aspects of homeschooling. She cherishes the time spent together as a family, which allowed her children to build strong sibling bonds and learn to work as a team, whether through everyday interactions or facing challenges together. Durenda acknowledges that being together constantly had its challenges, but the shared experiences, including overcoming difficulties, created lasting memories and strengthened their family ties.
Durenda also emphasizes the value of flexibility in homeschooling during times of crisis. She shares how being able to guide her children through tough moments, such as health struggles or loss, provided opportunities to teach them about faith, resilience, and relying on God. This flexibility allowed her to adjust their daily routines to focus on what was most important, whether it was sticking to essential tasks or taking time to process emotions together. Durenda sees this adaptability as a key benefit of homeschooling, helping her family navigate difficult times with grace and unity.
Peace Over Fear
Durenda Wilson shares that one of her biggest challenges in homeschooling has been resisting the pressure to compare herself to others and staying focused on what she believes God has called her family to do. She describes a moment when, despite feeling like she had found a good rhythm in their homeschool, doubts and self-criticism crept in. Durenda found reassurance in the story of Jesus multiplying the loaves and fishes, realizing that her role was to bring what she had—her best efforts—while trusting that God would make it enough. This perspective helped her overcome feelings of inadequacy and reminded her to be fully present and committed, even when the outcome seemed uncertain.
Another common challenge Durenda faced was the temptation to overload their schedule with activities, especially when feelings of fear or comparison arose. She notes how easy it is to look at what other families are doing and feel pressured to match their pace. However, she emphasizes the importance of maintaining intentional rhythms that suit her own family’s needs, rather than seeking external validation through busyness. Durenda advises other homeschooling parents to ask God for guidance when they sense a gap in their routine, rather than pursuing solutions out of fear or self-reliance. This approach, she believes, helps preserve peace and alignment with their unique family journey.
Trusting God with Our Homeschools
Durenda Wilson emphasizes the importance of starting with a deep sense of God’s guidance when resisting the pressure to achieve perfectionism in homeschooling. She suggests that homeschool moms need to seek God’s direction for their unique family circumstances, anchoring their decisions in prayer and scripture, like the verse that says, “Commit your way to the Lord, trust in Him, and He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn.” By aligning their homeschool plans with what they believe God is calling them to do, moms can focus on that path, avoiding the tendency to add unnecessary burdens or remove essential elements based on comparisons with others.
She also highlights the need for boundaries, especially regarding social media, as it can be easy to fall into the trap of comparison. Knowing personal limits and recognizing when exposure to others’ homeschool methods becomes a source of discouragement is crucial. By maintaining intentional boundaries, moms can remain focused on their own calling and resist the temptation to overload their schedules or compromise their vision due to external influences.
Durenda stresses the importance of laying down personal agendas at the Lord’s feet and being willing to adjust as needed. She notes that every season brings changes, whether in the children, parents, or circumstances, and it’s important to be flexible and attuned to God’s direction during these shifts. This approach requires trusting God with the outcomes, understanding that He is actively working in their children’s hearts, and recognizing their role as cooperators in God’s work rather than the primary shapers.
Finally, she encourages moms to do their best with the tasks at hand, yet to remember that they are not perfect and cannot achieve perfection in homeschooling. Instead, they can trust that God will take their efforts and make them enough, filling in the gaps that are inevitable in any educational journey. This perspective allows for a balance between giving their all and relying on God to ultimately shape their children’s hearts and minds.
Simplifying Childhood
Durenda Wilson suggests that to nurture a peaceful and joyful childhood, parents should prioritize simplicity and be diligent about avoiding the overscheduling of their children’s lives. She acknowledges the reality of “FOMO” (fear of missing out) but encourages parents to remember that missing out on things that aren’t best for their family means they’re not truly missing out. By asking for God’s guidance in making these decisions, parents can focus on what is most beneficial for their children.
She also highlights the importance of being a vigilant gatekeeper, protecting children from influences that could be harmful to their development—whether online or in public. This means approaching their children’s exposure to the world with wisdom and care, much like tending to a fragile plant in a greenhouse. By nurturing children in a controlled environment initially and gradually allowing more exposure as they grow, parents can help their children build a strong foundation before facing challenging or confusing aspects of the world.
Durenda emphasizes the value of open conversations when children encounter something unexpected or confusing. She shares a practical example of addressing such situations with simple explanations that point back to God’s design and purpose. Rather than overwhelming children with adult-level explanations, she encourages parents to keep responses simple and grounded in their faith.
Moreover, Durenda sees opportunities for these moments as a chance to reinforce the truth of God’s love and creation, using challenging encounters as teaching moments. By reframing difficult situations as opportunities to glorify God and remind children of His truth, parents can help their children navigate the world with a biblical perspective. This approach, she believes, allows families to turn what could be negative experiences into moments that build resilience and faith.
Advice for New Homeschoolers
Durenda Wilson reflects on the advice she would offer her younger self as a new homeschool mom, emphasizing trust in God’s faithfulness and the assurance that the kids will be fine, despite the natural worries along the way. She acknowledges that while she had a sense of peace during her homeschooling years—a gift she attributes to leaning deeply into God—she would encourage her younger self to continue relying even more on Him, recognizing her need for divine help.
Additionally, Durenda shares that if she could revisit her homeschooling journey, she would have focused more on church history and doctrine alongside her children. She found this area of study particularly enriching, especially as her kids grew older, and she saw the powerful lessons in perseverance and the resilience of the church through history. Durenda believes that understanding these stories could provide hope and perspective in today’s challenging cultural climate, showing that the church has not only endured dark times but has often thrived amidst them.
Persevering in Challenging Seasons
Durenda Wilson offers a thoughtful approach for managing challenging homeschool days or seasons. She advises first determining if a tough day is truly a persistent issue or just an isolated occurrence. Sometimes, a rough day can feel more significant than it is, leading to doubts about homeschooling and questioning one’s efforts. Durenda suggests taking a step back, pausing, and reflecting—whether that pause lasts for a morning, a day, or even a week—to seek clarity and wisdom from the Lord.
She emphasizes the importance of evaluating the situation with God’s guidance, recognizing that sometimes the problem is minor, like needing a change of scenery or simply taking a break. It could mean setting aside the schoolwork for a day to do something refreshing, such as going outside or enjoying a family outing.
Durenda also shares the metaphor of life as a tapestry, where homeschooling often feels like looking at the messy, unfinished side. While it may not seem beautiful at the moment, the end result is an intricate and beautiful design that God is weaving in families. She believes that God occasionally offers glimpses of the bigger picture to encourage parents, but much of the journey involves trusting Him through the messiness. For Durenda, faith is essential in navigating the ups and downs of homeschooling, as God provides the hope and strength needed to persevere.
Navigating the challenges of homeschooling requires patience, wisdom, and a commitment to nurturing your family’s unique needs. By prioritizing open communication, protecting your children’s hearts, and trusting in God’s plan, you can create a rich, supportive environment for learning and growth. Remember, the journey may be messy, but it’s also creating a tapestry of beautiful moments and lessons that shape your family’s legacy. Embrace this opportunity to cultivate a joyful and meaningful homeschooling experience, knowing that God is using you to equip your children for the future.
Key Takeaways
- Prioritize Your Family’s Unique Needs: Focus on what’s best for your family rather than succumbing to the fear of missing out (FOMO) on activities and opportunities.
- Be a Gatekeeper: Protect your children by being vigilant about what they are exposed to, both online and in public spaces, ensuring their emotional and spiritual well-being.
- Nurture a Controlled Environment: Like a greenhouse for seedlings, provide a safe and nurturing space for your children in their early years, gradually exposing them to the outside world.
- Use Opportunities for Discussions: When children encounter confusing or inappropriate situations, take the opportunity to discuss these topics openly and in a developmentally appropriate way.
- Trust in God’s Faithfulness: Remind yourself that God is faithful and that your children will be okay, reducing unnecessary worry and anxiety in your homeschooling journey.
- Study Church History Together: Encourage a deeper understanding of church history and doctrine, which can provide perspective and hope amidst current challenges.
- Evaluate Homeschool Challenges: When facing a difficult day or season, assess whether it’s an exception or a rule, and consider taking a break for clarity and perspective.
- Embrace the Messiness of Homeschooling: Understand that the process of homeschooling can be chaotic and imperfect, akin to the back of a tapestry, but trust that beauty is being woven through it.
- Seek Clarity Through Prayer: Regularly turn to God in prayer for guidance and clarity when challenges arise, relying on His wisdom to navigate difficult moments.
- Foster Lifelong Learning: Create a culture of learning in your home that encourages curiosity and the pursuit of knowledge, ensuring that education continues beyond formal lessons.
Listen to the full podcast episode “Simplifying Homeschooling for Peaceful Days with Durenda Wilson” on Homeschool Conversations with Humility and Doxology
Durenda Wilson is a homeschooling mom of eight (born 1991-2004), 7 of whom have graduated. She has been married to Darryl for 34 years and they have 12 grandkids.
Durenda has written The Unhurried Homeschooler, The Four Hour School Day, and Raising Boys to Men. She is the host of The Durenda Wilson Podcast and enjoys speaking at events where she can encourage homeschooling parents to experience freedom on their homeschooling journey!
Find Durenda Wilson Online
- The Durenda Wilson Podcast
- durendawilson.com
- Raising Boys to Men
- The Unhurried Homeschooler
- The Four Hour School Day
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- Church History for Children (with Simonetta Carr)
- Beginner’s Guide to Church History
- Kids Talk Church History Podcast
- Parenting Teens: the Most Asked Questions and a Real Mom’s Answers
- Homeschooling Middle School: Connection, Independence, and Possibility
- Charlotte Mason Living Education for Little Learners
- Finding Freedom and Flexibility in Your Homeschool Plan
- Spiritual Formation for the Homeschool Mom
- Homeschooling High School: Transforming Worries into Triumphs
- From School to Homeschooling: How to Deschool and Craft the Homeschool You Dreamed
Check out all the other interviews in my Homeschool Conversations series!
Amy Sloan: Hello friends. Today I am joined by Durenda Wilson. Durenda is a homeschooling mom of eight, born from 1991 to 2004, seven of whom have graduated. She’s been married to Daryl for 34 years and they have 12 grandkids. Durenda has written The Unhurried Homeschooler, The Four-Hour Homeschool Day, and Raising Boys to Men. She’s the host of the Durenda Wilson podcast and enjoys speaking at events where she can encourage homeschooling parents to experience freedom on their homeschooling journey. Before I started, I mentioned to you so many people have said, you’ve got to get Durenda on your podcast. I’m really delighted to have the chance to chat with you today. There’s like the official biography there at the beginning, but you tell us a little bit about yourself, your family, and how you got started homeschooling.
Durenda Wilson: We’ve been homeschooling for over 30 years. You said, we’ve graduated seven. Our youngest is a 19. He’s on the spectrum, so he’s taking a little bit longer than the rest of the crew, but we’re confident he’ll get there. That’s the great thing about homeschooling is that we get to just do it at the pace that works for our kids. He’s not intimidated by it. He doesn’t feel bad about it. It’s nice. He knows he’s not quite ready yet and that it’s okay. Yes, we’ve been homeschooling for over 30 years. We started, I actually went into our marriage knowing that I wanted to homeschool. Fortunately, my husband had a brother who was homeschooling at the time. It wasn’t an odd or strange idea to him. This was back in 1989. That was really a blessing. we just knew from day one, that’s what we wanted to do. There were many reasons for that, but we’re so glad that we took this journey and saw it through all the way to the end.
Amy Sloan: Yes. I love the perspective that homeschooling over those decades has given you, because a lot has changed in the homeschool landscape in those years. Those when you first began, when your children were first being born, that’s when I was initially being homeschooled, my brother and I in the 80s and 90s. Now I’m homeschooling my own children. I have personally seen so much change. I’m curious if there are ways in which your perspective on home education, your philosophy of homeschooling has grown and changed over the years.
Durenda Wilson: Yes, it’s interesting because we started out with this unhurried approach to homeschooling, which I’m still a firm believer in. Mainly, if nobody knows what I’m talking about, I’m talking about just not rushing into schoolwork immediately at five years old, because they’re five years old. That’s not a good reason to sit down and start forcing lessons on them unless they’re ready. A lot of kids are, but there are a lot that are not. Just being sensitive to and knowing your child, that’s how we started. I thought, I’m just going to take an unhurried approach and we’ll just, as they’re ready, we’ll incrementally add more. That worked really well for all of our kids. I thought that initially that it would just be sort of like something we just did in the early years, the unhurried idea. What I found was over time, I realized that learning can’t be rushed. It can’t be forced. If you’re going to have real learning happening, there has to be a certain amount of time that’s given to that, some time and space for your kids to learn some things on their own, because they’re actually quite amazing self-teachers when you give them the right environment. That’s something that was surprising to me, how much my kids taught themselves if I gave them enough time and space. The other thing is that I always believed that kids were natural learners and my job was not to burn them out. I found out that wasn’t just initially, again, that was ongoing. The challenge for me and the lesson for me was that simplicity was often best when it came to the actual curriculum and bookwork, at least for my family. Everybody has to make that decision. I think things can get more involved as the kids are interested, but to start out with a simpler plan and a simpler approach actually, and some margin actually gives space for your kids to jump in, attach themselves to ideas and move forward with those. The challenge is not becoming over-scheduled. That was something that I had to fight a lot over the years. My philosophy didn’t actually change. It just sort of like continued into longer. It deepened and it went further and longer than I had originally thought. Then of course, there gets to be a point at which there is a bigger load for the kids in terms of the bookwork, especially as they get into high school and all that. It still for us was very reasonable because I believed that they needed some margin in the afternoon, every day, even if they were in high school. Why burn them out? Why kill their love for learning at that point in the game when they have loved it all these years and now we’re going to kill it in high school? Not going to do that. Yes, I made sure that they had that margin every day. It was interesting to see how that just sort of continued.
Amy Sloan: I think that’s going to be a real encouragement for moms to hear because there’s a lot of emphasis. the beautiful reels on Instagram of these early years of homeschooling and the slow education. Then all of a sudden we’re like, all right, middle school and high school. Now we got to buckle down and change everything, ignore everything we loved about homeschooling. That is helpful, I think, to hear that there are still ways you can have this unhurried approach, that margin, that opportunity to still pursue interests. When I talk about homeschool planning, I’d like to talk about the time budget. We talk about a money budget and you would never allocate every single dollar. You keep some of that money for an emergency fund or when the air conditioning broke like ours did a few weeks ago or when the car breaks down. Sometimes with our homeschool schedule, we don’t give any white space. We just fill up our whole time and then something goes wrong or the toddler has a blowout or someone’s having a hard day and all of a sudden you don’t have any white space. Where’s your emergency fund of time? It’s good to leave that white space in the day.
Durenda Wilson: The problem with that is what we end up doing is my husband calls it opportunity cost. If you spend it here, you can’t spend it here. If you spend that time, that energy over here, you won’t have the time and the energy to spend on the things that come up unexpectedly like discipline issues. If we plan for discipline issues, so plan our days that there’s a block of time when we’re going through whatever part of the day we’re going through, add a little extra time for some things that might come up that need to be addressed and then we can address them in a much more thoughtful, intentional way because we haven’t spent all that time over here. It’s a stewardship thing I think is really what it comes down to is basically what you’re saying. We steward our finances. Why don’t we steward our time and our energy throughout the day? We only have so much in a day and we need to definitely be wise with it and be investing the way that God calls us to invest. Yes, definitely.
Amy Sloan: Durenda, over the yearsof homeschooling, what have been some of your favorite parts of homeschooling?
Durenda Wilson: I’d have to say that it’s definitely the opportunity to build strong relationships and make connections between all of us, but specifically between the kids to have those strong sibling connections. That has just been such a blessing and that’s about time being spent together. I would say that’s my other favorite part of homeschooling is the amount of time that we got to spend together. Now, did I ever get tired of all of us being together? Absolutely. Did I ever need a break? Absolutely. I would say that overall, the memories were made, the connections were made because of the amount of time that we spent together. That might also mean that we’re overcoming difficulties together, whether that’s difficulties in our relationships, difficulties in our homeschooling, difficulties in maybe we’re doing a project together or whatever, or just life difficulties where we are overcoming together. We’re a team. I think that was the other thing is that we functioned as a team. I think there was something really valuable in that. In order for that to happen, I felt like that we needed to be together more than we were apart. It just requires time. I would say that was… The other thing that I would also like to bring up is that in times of crisis, which our family has been in several times over the years, it was such a sweet opportunity to bring our kids back to the ward over and over and over again and to model to them, who do we turn to when we’re in a crisis? What do we prioritize when we’re in a crisis? I can tell you it’s not math curriculum. It’s going to be me pulling my kids onto my lap and us crying together because we lost our first grandson or trying to help our kids process the fact that their baby brother didn’t come home from the hospital because he had to be there for two months with an open heart surgery and trying to help them understand that God was still in control and that he was good and he was taking care of Silas and just so many opportunities to really just share the Lord with our kids. If I had tried to send them to school in the middle of all that, none of it would have been processed well. My biggest prayer when we were in crisis was, God, please help my kids not to misinterpret who you are because of what’s happened. He answered that prayer. Being together was part of the answer to that prayer.
Amy Sloan: I have definitely seen that in our own family’s life over the past year with my youngest son, his leukemia diagnosis and the treatment that he’s been going through and continues to go through. One, I’m so thankful for the sibling bonds, for the bonds between children and parents that we already had nourished. Not that you can’t have those bonds if you don’t homeschool, but I think has made it so much simpler. We had a rich family culture and family, like you were saying, that team perspective. I’m thankful we already had that as a good foundation. Then to be able to go through a year going on to two years now where things in our homeschool are just not the way they normally would be or the way we anticipated them to be, but to be able to prioritize the relationship time, to be able to flex. Sometimes you just got to still do the math and sometimes you still got to do the chore, even though we’re all really tired and crying. Sometimes we can say, what, let’s just sit and read together, or let’s sit and watch a movie together, or let’s go for a walk together. Those can be really valuable too, to be able to constantly be pointing them to the Lord in the midst of what’s very hard.
Durenda Wilson: To have the flexibility to do that. I like what you said about sometimes we do have to go ahead and do the thing we need to do. Honestly, sometimes that routine, that taking out the garbage, that doing the dishes, fixing a meal actually anchors us because it’s something normal in the midst of so many things that don’t feel normal. That’s where our simple sort of skeleton routine can really be beneficial. I think every family should have one, just a skeleton. These are the basics that need to happen on our skeleton days where we’re just running on empty. That way it doesn’t because more problems because if the children aren’t fed on time, or if the naps don’t happen, the rest time doesn’t happen for the little ones, everything just gets worse, not better. It’s even harder for everybody to process. Yes, I think that is the beauty of homeschooling is just having the flexibility to be able to make that call each day throughout the day.
Amy Sloan: Yes. Obviously you’ve talked about homeschooling in times of crisis and that can be its own set of challenges, but sometimes just homeschooling on an ordinary Tuesday has its own sets of challenges. What have been some of the challenges of homeschooling and how did you seek to overcome those?
Durenda Wilson: I think probably being intentional and doing what I know that God had called us to, nothing, don’t add to it and don’t take away from it, but just simply what’s the last thing he told you and just keep doing that thing. Not allowing other voices to drown out what he’s already told us to do. That I could give an example. There was a day that actually things were going great and they’d been going great and it was noteworthy in my mind. I’m thinking, wow, I think we’ve actually found a rhythm. We’ve been in it. It’s been working, and I was just sort of rejoicing in that. Then all of a sudden I had this thought, what if there were cameras in my house and people were watching what we’re actually doing? What would they say? Then this barrage of just condemnation and you’re a terrible homeschooling mom. You’re not doing enough. Your children are going to be losers. You’re not doing them anything. All these thoughts went through my head. I just said, Lord, tell me, I don’t know how I went from here to here so fast, but can you help me reconcile this? He brought me back to the story of the loaves and the fishes when Jesus told the disciples, feed the 5,000, right? He’s telling them to do something that’s impossible. There are days when we’re homeschooling that what we’re doing feels impossible. Of course the disciples made it clear. They’re like, we were, they’re trying to figure out how can we do this? We can’t even work enough to make enough. They’re trying to work it out in their heads. Right. Jesus just says to them, basically they came to the conclusion it was impossible. He said to them, bring me what you have. He didn’t ask for what they didn’t have. He asked for what they did have. That was my reminder, Duranda, you’re responsible to bring me everything you have. You’re all in like a hundred percent, but you’re going to, you’re, you have to know that basically I know that it’s never enough, quote unquote, right? We never know if it’s enough. It was like, he was saying, bring me what you have and I will multiply it and make it more than enough. That is exactly what he did. That would be my encouragement. Be all in, be there, show up, be fully present. Know that, there are days when we’re, when we’re not even fully present, maybe there’s a crisis going on that kids don’t know about, but we’re processing. God knows that, so bring your best, bring what you have and it is acceptable to him and he is pleased with it and he will multiply it and make it enough. I think the other temptation, I think this is every mom’s temptation, and that is not to overload our schedule with too many activities. Because often when we start to become afraid, fearful that we’re not doing enough, or we see somebody over there doing three different things and we’re not doing any of those things. It’s the comparison, the distraction, those are our two biggest enemies. Our, we try to compensate in our own flesh by overloading our schedule with activities, thinking it’ll help us feel more at peace when it just brings chaos to our own hearts, to our, to our family rhythms. We want to remain intentional with our family rhythms and our family rhythms are going to look different than other people’s family rhythms. There’s no point in sitting there comparing and contrasting, not that we can’t learn from other people, but let the Lord just bring it to you. Don’t be looking for it. I say, ask the Lord if you think there’s a gap, something that needs to be changed or tweaked and ask him to bring you the idea or whatever it is that you need. Don’t go hunting for it too heavily because then it turns into like our own effort instead of just having it come to us and realizing, oh my gosh, I asked the Lord to bring this to me and he did, that we know it’s him. It’s not just us conjuring something up. I would say those were probably my biggest challenges.
Amy Sloan: How many times has a homeschool mom been feeling like insufficient, like I’m worried we’re not doing enough. They just like go to the internet and they download a bunch of free printables and they say, okay, what are all those people doing? I’m going to do all of those things. Right. It’s not anything new. I’m second generation homeschooler. I’ve seen that desire. It’s, it starts as an earnest, godly desire, I think, to do an excellent job. We are called to do the very best job we can as homeschool moms and that’s a good desire, but then it can sometimes turn into a bit of idolatry where we put all of this pressure on ourselves to be the Holy Spirit and maybe take on some responsibilities that aren’t ours. I do think, although that has always been there, the pressure that homeschool moms have put on themselves, this fear, this anxiety, am I doing enough? I do think that in some ways it’s gotten a bit worse because we’re able to see behind the scenes, at least a stylized picture or video of all of these different homeschoolers doing all of these different amazing things. It can be really hard to be comparing what you’re doing to all these things you’re seeing on the internet, right. Even hearing about on a podcast. What are some ways that homeschool moms can reject the idolatry of perfectionism while also holding, still holding to that standard of excellence, right? Not just throwing up our hands and be like, it doesn’t matter. I can do whatever. How can we truly trust, what does that look like to really trust God with our homeschools
Durenda Wilson: ? I think it starts by seeking him first. What does he have for you and your family? Really hearing from him, getting your direction from him. I think about the scripture that says, commit your way to the Lord, trust in him, and he will make your righteousness shine like the dawn and the justice of your because like the noonday sun. God is faithful. If we commit our way to him and we fear him and we acknowledge him in all of our ways, he will direct our path. When that’s clear, make sure that is clear to you and then you stay on that course unless he clearly directs you some other way. I think there’s an element again of stewardship of our social media. Know yourself, know what your red flags are, know what’s too much for you. Don’t write it all the way to the end and a little bit over. Keep your boundaries where they need to be in order for you to stay intentional, to do what God has called you to do. Nothing more and nothing less. We don’t want to add to it. We don’t want to take away from it. We want to do what he has called us to do. This also means that we have to lay aside our own agenda, maybe our own ideas about how things are supposed to look. Not that we can’t have some. I don’t think that that’s true. I think that God does put some things on our heart for our family, but how that’s going to be walked out. You need to look to him for guidance in each season because every year the kids are different, we’re different, our circumstances are different. We have to constantly be tweaking and adjusting and being willing to pivot. We lay our agenda down. We actually lay it down at the Lord’s feet and we ask him to give us back what he wants for us and make it really clear. Then also recognize that God is always working in our kids. He is always at work in the hearts and lives of our children. We need to ask him for the eyes to see how he’s working. What is he already doing? We’re not doing the shaping and the molding. God is doing the shaping and the molding and we’re cooperating with whatever he’s doing in the moment. If that means encouragement to press through a math lesson, then we do that. If it’s, we need to delay the math lesson down because there’s a character issue that needs to be dealt with. That definitely is taking priority over this. that because you can see it, and you just, you do it and you say, I’m going to lay down our agenda to get this math lesson done to take care of this because this is actually more important. I think it’s just a yielding. It is a yielding to him. Then whatever he has told you to do it well. Do it to the best of your ability and also recognize that he is God and we are not. We’re not, we’re not perfect. We’re never going to do everything perfectly. God can take what we have to offer and he can multiply it and make it enough. Of course we give our all, we give our best, we show up every day. We fully, we’re fully present in all of that. Again, we’re trusting God to fill the gaps because there are always going to be gaps in our kids’ education. There will be. : He is super faithful at taking care of those.
Amy Sloan Yes. That is such a comfort as a homeschool mom. It’s not just the homeschool moms or parents who are experiencing pressure. In some ways, it feels like just childhood is under attack these days in many ways. Do you have some suggestions for how we can nurture and encourage a peaceful and joyful childhood?
Durenda Wilson: Yes, I would say resist overscheduling.Resist feeling like you have to participate in everything and just ask the Lord to help you get over the FOMO. I know it’s a real thing. It’s a fear of missing out. I experience it too. We really, at the end of the day, what we really want is what’s best for our kids and what’s best for our family. If we’re missing out on something that isn’t the best for our family, we’re actually not missing out on anything. If we can just remember that. I think be a diligent gatekeeper when it comes to protecting your children online, when it comes to protecting them when we’re out. we would never let them run into the street and play, right? We would never do that. We want to think the same way about their hearts, spiritually, mentally, emotionally. We want to disciple them in a way that keeps things simple and God-focused. I think that’s really important. We keep pointing them back to the Lord. The best example that I can give when it comes to protecting our kids is the greenhouse idea of when you start a seed in a little pot of soil, you put it in a greenhouse because it’s a very controlled environment because that seed is very fragile and it’s not going to be able to become a strong plant if it doesn’t get a strong start. We have it in the greenhouse. We make sure the temperature’s just right. It’s getting watered, not too much, but not too little. We’re constantly nurturing that little seed and we see it come out of the ground and it’s still really fragile. It needs to get bigger and bigger and bigger. When it’s finally to a point where it’s somewhat sturdy and strong, then we can put it out in the elements briefly for short periods of time. Then eventually it’s longer periods of time and then eventually it just gets planted in the garden for good. It’s the same thing with our children. We’re nurturing. We’re completely protecting in those early years. Again, there’s going to be things that come along that in spite of all of our protection, they’re still going to be exposed to. Then we have to recognize that God has allowed that to happen and that we have an opportunity now to talk to them about this thing in a developmentally appropriate way for them in a very simple way. Kids generally do not need all the information we adults need. They don’t. They don’t need all that information. They need very little to be satisfied and have their questions answered. An example that I would give is when we would go through the grocery store line. I tried to keep an eyeball on everybody to see. First of all, when I got into the grocery line, I looked at all the magazines and if there was something inappropriate, I flipped them over. While we’re going through the line, my kids aren’t going to see this, right? That’s my first thing. I kept watching. Sometimes I would forget and I would already be like in front of the cashier and I couldn’t get past the cart to fix that. I was like, okay, I just watch and I’d see if anything caught anybody’s eye. Just to be sure, when I got in the car, I would say, hey, we were standing in line. There were lots of magazines there. Did you guys see anything that you have questions about? What did you notice or made it super chill? No, not pressurized or anything. Usually I would find out they didn’t notice. They didn’t see it. It was just like, thank you, Lord, for that grace. Don’t have to talk about this today. Then other times they would say something and they knew they could talk to me about it. I would just usually just give them a really simple answer that pointed them back to the Lord. That was it. We were done. That’s just a simple example of ways that we protect our kids as we’re out and about. Now, unfortunately, there’s going to be that crossdresser that you happen to see in the store. Sometimes the kids notice and sometimes they don’t, again. You have to be aware of what they’re noticing. What are they seeing? What are they taking in? We had this happen actually at a coffee shop. We went to a farmer’s market and we got routed the wrong way to the coffee shop, ended up going through the pride parade area. I said, oh, it’s pride. It’s pride parade. My granddaughter said, she’s eight. She said, what’s pride parade? I said, her mom was with her. I said, I’ll let your mom explain that to you. We got to the coffee shop and everything was fine. Then all of a sudden the parade was over and they were coming over to the coffee shop. It was so funny because a bunch of our family was there. My daughter-in-law, several, a couple of my daughter-in-laws, my son. Anyway, we’re all sitting there and one of my daughter’s-in-law looks at me and she goes, it’s time to go. I was like, and she’s like, doing this? I said, what? She points me over. I was like, so there’s this huge protection for her, for Ella, from not just me and her mom, but the whole family were like, it’s time to leave now. We leave. We can explain that to our kids and just basically say, there are just some people who they don’t know Jesus and they don’t understand. They think they want to be something that God didn’t make them. This man thought that he wants to be a woman, but he doesn’t understand that he’s fearfully and wonderfully made just the way he is and God has a plan and a purpose for him. How most of it’s being pointed back to the Lord and his goodness and his faithfulness and the fact that he’s our creator. We can take those opportunities and really bring our kids back to the Lord even more often because we’re seeing it more often. I know it’s sad in many ways that our children have to be exposed to that, but the flip side is we get this opportunity to equip them in a really unique way in our culture.
Amy Sloan: Yes. As we are able to be right there beside them and noticing many of the things they’re noticing, having open conversations, being able to not just hide from the things around us, but to be able to approach it and discuss it in a way that honors the Lord and is based on the word of God. That’s a real gift as Christian families walking as wise people in our current age.
Durenda Wilson: It’s like taking what Satan means for evil and using it for good. We take this thing that Satan means for evil and instead we’re glorifying God in it. What a total slam on the enemy and his efforts. I just think what a beautiful opportunity to just continue to advance the kingdom of God.
Amy Sloan: I love it. Yes. Fighting lies with the truth, right? Absolutely. One of the things I love to ask veteran homeschool moms on the podcast or just when I meet them in real life is what advice would you give yourself if you could go back to your young homeschool mom self and give yourself a piece of advice? What do you think you would say to yourself as a young homeschooling mama?
Durenda Wilson: I would say God is faithful and that your kids are going to be fine. the worrying that we do along the way. I do feel like I had a good amount of peace along the way and I’m so thankful for that because I know that’s not always the case. That was a gift from the Lord. It also came from leaning really hard into him and being humble and recognizing that I couldn’t do it on my own. I could not do it on my own. I needed him desperately. That clinging to him was definitely, I would tell myself, keep doing that. Do that even more. I think another thing that if I had to go back and do it over again, I think I would have had maybe more focus on church history and doctrine because I have found that I would never had studied that before. I hadn’t studied. Some of it happened when the kids were older and they got into like high school curriculum and stuff that had the mystery of history, those kinds of things. Super fascinating, but I’d never been taught that. I didn’t know that much about it, but I think that if I could go back and do it over again, I would just like study right alongside of my kids and just really dive into church history and because there’s just such an amazing, it’s such an amazing story of perseverance and such a testimony that the church will prevail no matter what. We often get discouraged in our culture because we see a good amount of darkness and wickedness happening right now, but when we look back and we see there were so many other times in history when the church was in those same situations and not only did she survive, but she thrived. The church could actually thrive in the midst. That’s what I see the potential for, knowing what church history has shown. Being able to look back and look at that and have hope for now and for the future, I think that’s something I would have done a little differently.
Amy Sloan: I love hearing that. Church history is actually a really big part of our family, just culture and life. Something we talked to our kids about. Can I come over? Yes. I have to give you a recommendation. The Kids Talk Church History Podcast is produced by the Alliance of Confessing Evangelicals and two of my daughters are some of the co-hosts on that. Simonetta Carr has written many wonderful church history biographies for children as well as a full-length book. It’s a great podcast. I know it says Kids Talk Church History, but it’s really for the whole family. Really wonderful. They are working their way chronologically. They began with the early church and they’re now, I think, in the Reformation time period. Really great, really great resource. One of the things- Well, I have great kids that are also listening. Yes, you should tell them. They can even submit questions. The hosts will answer the questions. One of the things I’ve always told my kids is this is your family story because we are connected in such an amazing spiritual way, covenantally, with all of these saints, from Old Testament times to the early church to today. There’s something really incredible. I’m getting goosebumps talking about it. Something really incredible, thinking about this connection we have with them. Just like it would be fun to hear a story about your grandpa, your great-grandpa, learn the stories of your great-grandparents in the faith because God’s faithfulness. that they are Jesus’ church, just like we are today. It gives us much needed perspective, I think, on current times, but it’s also just encouraging to see how Christ will not let his church fail, which is very encouraging.
Durenda Wilson:. I love that. Then when you’re in church on Sunday, you’re not just thinking about the people you’re worshiping with. I feel like we’re singing in one accord with all the ancestors in our church history as well. We’re all singing. They’re singing from heaven and we’re singing from here. It’s just an amazing, it’s so anchoring and grounding, which is what we need. the world is changing constantly, and there’s always something new, something different, and it’s exhausting. To have something so stable and so sure, I think, is just amazing. I’m so sorry about that, dog.
Amy Sloan: I can’t even hear it. it’s okay. A little bit of funky noise. Sometimes, one of my echo dots will like beep at me and it’s like, it’s fine. We’re used to random noises. Okay, good. Oh, Durenda, this has been an absolute delight to chat with you today. Thank you for sharing your perspective and your wisdom. Here at the end, though, before we wrap up, I’m going to ask you the two questions that I’m asking all of my guests this season. The first question is, what are you personally reading lately?
Durenda Wilson: Okay, right now, I am reading Take Back Your Family by Jeff Bethke. I don’t know if you’ve heard of it, but it is really about family being on a mission as opposed to raising individuals who are going to go out and go on individual missions. It’s family on a mission determining, you have to watch it unfold, but it’s just about, getting to know your family and getting to know what is the heart of your family. What do you, what are the things you don’t like? For instance, if you don’t like it when people are lonely, maybe part of your family mission is to reach out to the lonely, to have people over, to host people, that thing. That’s the idea behind it. He just dives in how that ties back to how Hebrew families were so connected and they didn’t live separately. They all lived together in extended growing homes with grandparents and aunts and uncles. The benefits of just having a big extended family, and that could be your biological family. It could, it may, that’s not possible. It could be a church family. It could be other believers, but anyway, it’s super encouraging. Really appreciate it. It was a very different perspective on family other than our cultural nuclear family perspective. It was more of a biblical perspective. That sounds like a fascinating one. I like that idea.
Amy Sloan: Sometimes we’ll be like team Sloan, all right, it’s us. It’s us against the world. Exactly. The final question I have for you is what would be your best tip for helping get through a homeschool day or maybe a homeschool season where it seems like everything is going completely wrong?
Durenda Wilson: Right. I think the first question is when things are going south on a day, we need to ask ourselves, is this the exception or the rule? Because sometimes a bad day can feel like it’s been a bad week, but it really hasn’t. It’s only been a bad day or maybe a bad two days, in a row. Then all of a sudden we’re doubting ourselves and we’re doubting our homeschooling and our everything. We’re doubting everything. I think the big thing is to take a step back and to hit the pause button, whether that means you’re just taking a morning, an afternoon, a day, a week, whatever it takes to get clarity from the Lord as to what’s going on. Because something’s happening and sometimes it’s nothing. Sometimes it’s just a little maintenance that needs to happen. we’ve been in the house a lot and I feel like everybody just needs to get outside for a while. We’re just going to lay down the schoolwork or maybe tomorrow we’re going to plan to go do something fun. We’re going to go hiking or something instead. Being able to take that step back, hit the pause button, evaluate what’s going on with the Lord’s help and wisdom, and then move forward from there. Obviously we’re praying through this. Then also remembering that this is that sort of messy in the middle part of life, of raising kids, of homeschooling. It’s like looking at the back of a tapestry. If you’ve ever looked at it, it’s not beautiful. It’s very messy. You’re thinking, how could this ever be anything beautiful? Then you turn it over and it’s gorgeous and it’s intricate. I feel like that’s what God’s doing in our families is he’s creating this tapestry. We only get to see mostly the threads on the back most of the time because we’re part of what’s happening back there. He’s, working on it. Eventually, and sometimes every now and then God gives us a quick view to encourage us and keep us going. At the end of the day, when we’re done and we’re moving forward and our kids have launched and we’ll get to see a lot more of what God was doing and how beautiful it really is. In the meantime, it’s a faith walk. We have to trust the Lord. I don’t know how people do this without the Lord. I couldn’t do it without the Lord. I would have probably had to be locked up in an insane asylum or something. He is our hope. He’s our rock. He’s the one we cling to. He’s the one who makes it all so good.
Amy Sloan: That is such a great encouragement to finish up this conversation. : Durenda, where can people find you all around the internet?
Durenda Wilson: Okay, well, you can find my four books at Amazon. You can find the audio books for The Boy Book and The Unhurried Homeschooler at my website, DurendaWilson.com. I also have a podcast. It is called The Durenda Wilson Podcast. Creative, I know. My name is different enough that it works. That podcast can be found on any platform or at my website. The cool thing, though, is there’s over 540 episodes. If you go to the podcast page of my website, this is the only place I have it, there’s a search bar. You can put in keywords and the episodes will come up that are on that topic that you really need to hear about so you don’t have to scroll through 540 episodes.
Amy Sloan: I love that. That is perfect. I will have all of those links in the show notes for this episode over at humilityanddoxology.com. Thank you to everyone who has either listened or watched today. Make sure you take a minute to subscribe to the podcast so you don’t miss future episodes. Until next time, happy homeschooling.
