Homeschooling Middle School: Connection, Independence, and Possibility

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Homeschooling middle school can feel like a whole new world for parents and students alike. As your child transitions from elementary school to more advanced subjects and greater independence, it’s important to adapt your homeschooling approach to meet their changing needs. In this episode, we dive into practical tips for creating engaging lessons, managing the emotional and academic shifts of the middle school years, and fostering critical thinking skills. Whether you’re a seasoned homeschooler or just starting this journey, you’ll find valuable insights to help your middle schooler thrive.

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The Homeschooling Journey is Worth It

Podcast guest Cindy West is entering her final year of homeschooling her third child, having homeschooled for more than 20 years. Cindy reflects on the ups and downs of the experience, noting that despite the challenges, she wouldn’t change a thing about her homeschooling journey. She describes her approach as an eclectic Charlotte Mason-inspired method, emphasizing principles like short lessons, nature study, fine arts, and literature-based learning. Over the years, she has tailored her approach to meet each child’s unique needs and interests, whether through textbooks, living literature, dual credit, or internships. Cindy highlights the beauty of homeschooling’s flexibility, which allows families to adapt their methods while staying grounded in their core educational philosophies.

Why is homeschooling middle school sometimes so hard?

I personally find homeschooling middle schoolers to be quite challenging; I’ve got to admit that this stage has been my least favorite. I appreciate both the early years and teenage years but find the pre-teen phase, especially around age 12, difficult.

Cindy acknowledges that homeschooling middle school can be tough, primarily due to hormonal changes that affect kids’ attitudes as they transition from childhood to adulthood. However, Cindy loves homeschooling middle schoolers, seeing it as an opportunity to guide them through these challenges while fostering their independence and reigniting their love of learning. She highlights that by this age, students are typically strong readers and have foundational math skills, which allows for more flexibility and creative engagement in their education. Cindy encourages moms to view the middle school phase as a rewarding time for growth, both academically and personally.

Homeschooling Middle School: connections, independence, and possibilities

Cindy shares her insights on how to embrace the middle school years in homeschooling, emphasizing the importance of both structure and flexibility. She reflects on her initial apprehension about middle schoolers, but explains that homeschooling offers unique opportunities to deepen relationships and meet children where they are, both academically and emotionally. In these years, Cindy believes parents can proactively engage in difficult conversations about bodily changes and emotions, which lays a foundation of trust. This allows for more open and empathetic communication, particularly when handling moments of emotional outbursts or struggles with independence.

Cindy suggests providing choices to students in areas like curriculum and learning methods to help foster their independence. For example, while certain subjects like math may not be negotiable, the approach to learning can be adjusted to fit the child’s needs and interests. Cindy encourages parents to embrace the opportunity to meet children where they are academically, explaining that middle school can be a great time to develop higher-order thinking skills and independence, rather than rushing into high school-level work.

Additionally, Cindy shares her approach to depth and breadth learning, particularly through unit studies and project-based learning. Instead of simply repeating elementary content or diving into high school textbooks, she advocates for creative, interest-led learning. By offering choices in how they approach subjects like history and science, students can engage more deeply with the material, which promotes a love for learning. Cindy explains that this method helps students develop critical thinking and independence, both of which are crucial as they approach high school.

Lastly, Cindy touches on the need for ongoing involvement from parents, particularly with younger or less independent learners. While the goal is to foster independence, she advises parents to gradually introduce project-based learning and hold hands through the process initially. Even with older children, she acknowledges that some students may need additional support to feel confident in their learning. Homeschooling is a continual process of adjustment and finding the right balance between independence and parental involvement.

Advice from a veteran homeschool mom

Cindy’s advice to her younger homeschooling self revolves around the importance of grace, patience, and understanding her child’s unique personality. Reflecting on her experience with an active, high-energy child, she realizes she often tried to fit him into a behavioral mold out of concern for how she might be perceived as a parent. If she could go back, she would give herself permission to allow more freedom for her child to be himself, appreciating the personality God gave him, rather than worrying about societal expectations or judgments from others.

She would also incorporate more movement and physical activities into her homeschooling routine, such as nature walks and field trips, to better accommodate her child’s needs. Alongside this, Cindy expresses a wish that she had started brain training earlier to help with executive functioning skills like attention, memory, and processing. However, she acknowledges that, at the time, she simply didn’t know what she does now about these tools and strategies.

One of the most valuable lessons Cindy learned from another experienced homeschool mom was that children ultimately belong to the Lord, and it’s not solely the parent’s job to shape every aspect of their behavior or future. By stepping back and trusting that the Holy Spirit will work in their child’s life, parents can give both themselves and their child more grace, allowing for a more peaceful and supportive homeschooling environment.

Key Takeaways

  • The Importance of Flexibility in Homeschooling: Homeschooling offers a unique opportunity to adapt our studies based on each child’s needs. Embrace this flexibility rather than feeling tied to a rigid curriculum.
  • Building Trust and Encouraging Autonomy: Relationship is key to parenting and homeschooling. Especially as kids grow, we have more opportunities to encourage independence as well. Allowing children to own parts of their learning journey fosters responsibility and growth.
  • Prioritizing Movement and Nature: More movement and outdoor activities are an asset to our homeschool routine. Many children, especially active ones, benefit from nature walks and breaks to help them focus.
  • Avoiding the Pressure to Fit a Mold: We sometimes pressure our children to behave in a certain way out of concern for how others perceive us as a mom. Instead, we can show grace to our children and ourselves, and focus less on external judgment or worries about the opinions of others. It’s not our sole responsibility to shape our child; the Holy Spirit is the one at work in their hearts.
  • Brain Training for Executive Functioning: Cindy mentioned the value of brain training for children who struggle with attention, memory, or processing information. Although she discovered it later, she now recognizes it as a helpful tool in her homeschooling toolkit.
  • Shifting Perspective on Difficult Days: When a homeschool day or season feels chaotic, Cindy’s go-to tip is to stop and do something different. Whether that’s taking a break for a fun outing or adjusting the curriculum, she believes stepping away can reset the day.
  • Teaching the Value of Relationships Over Perfection: Cindy reflected on how homeschool moms can sometimes focus too much on making everything perfect or meeting expectations. She emphasized the importance of prioritizing the parent-child relationship and giving room for children to develop at their own pace.

Listen to the full podcast episode “Homeschooling Middle School: Connection, Independence, and Possibility with Cindy West” on  Homeschool Conversations with Humility and Doxology

Cindy West is passionate about homeschooling joyfully and loves sharing practical, creative strategies to tackle things that so often steal joy in homeschooling. She shares many of those strategies on her blog, Our Journey Westward, and in books or curricula such as Homeschooling Gifted Kids and the popular NaturExplorers series. You may also know her as Mrs. Cindy from the No Sweat Nature Study.

Find Cindy West Online

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Check out all the other interviews in my Homeschool Conversations series!

Amy: Hello friends, today I am joined by Cindy West who is passionate about homeschooling joyfully and who loves sharing practical creative strategies to tackle things that so often steal joy in homeschooling. She shares many of those strategies on her blog, Our Journey Westward, and in books or curricula such as Homeschooling Gifted Kids and the popular Nature Explorers series. You and your children may also know her as Mrs. Cindy from No Sweat Nature Study. Cindy, I am so delighted to chat with you today. Can you tell us a little bit about your family and how you guys got started homeschooling?

Cindy: Sure. First, thanks for having me. I love being with you. We’ve done this once before, I believe, and we always have good conversations when we chat. My family, goodness, let’s see, I’m getting ready to enter my last year of homeschooling. I have loved every single moment of it, my third child is a senior this year, so I will be finished before long. Luckily I do have the No Sweat Nature Study students, so I won’t be finished teaching. Let’s see, I’ve homeschooled for more than 20 years, three kids, the oldest right now is 27, then I have 24 and 17, and it has been a pleasure. not every single day has been awesome, but when I turn around and look back, there’s not one moment, the good, the bad, the ugly, that I regret. Let’s see, what else would you like to know? Anything that pretty much sums up my homeschooling career?

Amy: I know, there you go. I know that we’ve talked before about topics like nature study and things like that. Can you give us, though, a little bit of a peek just for someone who maybe is new to you? Has it been your approach to homeschooling, or has it changed over the years?

Cindy: No, it hasn’t really changed. It’s been tweaked for various students. I call myself an eclectic Charlotte Mason homeschooler, or a Charlotte Mason-inspired homeschooler. We do a lot of the Charlotte Mason principles, we do short lessons, we do nature study, we do fine arts, we do literature-based learning, we do all kinds of those things. With each child and whatever their interests were or their needs, we also did a lot of tweaking and do, I still do, a lot of tweaking. That might look like one child is a little bit heavier on textbooks than another, or one gets to do a whole lot more living literature than another. Some might do dual credit in high school, others might do internships. Yes, it’s just been very individualized with that Charlotte Mason thread.

Amy: I love that, too. Just, that’s the gift of homeschooling, right? We can have our principles and our big ideas and then really niche it down and individualize it for each child, let alone our family as a whole.

Cindy: For sure.

Amy: The thing I really wanted to chat with you about today is the middle school years, okay? I’ve talked to moms about homeschooling babies and toddlers, we’ve talked about high school and even launching young adults, but I’ve never really had a conversation about these middle school years. I just have to be upfront, they are my least favorite parts of homeschooling and parenting. My kids and I joke that mom’s least favorite age is 12. I love the teen years, I love the little years, but those have just been some challenging times. From your perspective, what are some of the things that do make homeschooling, middle school, maybe a little bit more challenging?

Cindy: Challenging, first and foremost, is the attitudes that begin with the preteens and teens. They are going through some tremendous hormone changes. They’re trying to grow from a child into an adult, and that can be a huge struggle, particularly for some kids who might have more hormonal fluctuations than others. If we tackle those things and look at them as a challenge that is to be celebrated and worked through rather than pulling our hair out, it really can be such a blessing. I will say, I love homeschooling middle school. It’s probably my favorite of all. I like that, in general, they’re good readers. They have the basic foundations of math. Likely, we’ve taught them the joy of learning so that by those middle school years, we can really do some twists and turns meeting them where they are so that we can reignite a love for learning and we can slowly move them towards more independence in ways that build them up and encourage them and sort of even out some of the frustrations that those hormones cause.

Amy: I love hearing your love for the middle school years, and you started giving us this idea that there’s opportunities for joy and possibilities of growth in the middle school years. Can you dig into that a little bit more? Tell us what are some of those ways of thinking about middle school and as a possibility as opposed to a problem?

Cindy: Okay, so let me backtrack for just a second and tell you that when I was substitute teaching, before I got a teaching position in the public school system, I asked them after a couple of weeks to stop calling me for middle school. My impression of middle school kids was no way, no how, oh my word, I’m going to have middle schoolers that I have to homeschool someday. The difference in homeschooling is we know our kids, we love our kids, we’re building relationship with our kids, and there’s nothing better than having those foundations once we reach the middle school years so that everything that they’re going through, we can be incredibly open about, we can discuss it, we can explain it, we can have empathy towards it, and because they are growing in maturity and independence, we can really begin to turn some of the reins over to them. When you’re thinking about digging in, I think first and foremost, you have to meet them relationally. For a lot of people, that really means getting out of your comfort zone and saying, okay, so we’re going to nip some things in the bud that are happening or are probably going to happen in our relationship, in your body, and you’re going to be fully aware of those things. That’s a hard conversation. Actually, I should say those are hard conversations, because this is something that I have found as a thread through the entire hormonal fluctuation years. Because you don’t know everything to tell them all at once. You deal with things that You deal with things that are probably coming. When everyone is aware, and you can look at a kiddo in the middle of one of those, let’s say a hormonal rage or hormonal tears or I hate everything about my life right now or whatever that middle school thing might be, you have already built that relationship so that you all can have an adult-ish conversation. Full of empathy, full of understanding, and I will say sometimes full of strictness where you say, okay, so this is going on, and yet it’s still not an appropriate behavior that you’re doing right now. You must wear deodorant, whether you want to wear deodorant or not. there are all kinds of conversations we get to have. First and foremost, be willing to proactively and retroactively speak very clearly and honestly about the things that are happening to them. When they trust you in that way, it’s way easier to get their buy-in on school. School can sometimes become a, just give me the work, I don’t want to do anything with you anymore. It can be a, I just hate school, I don’t want to do this anymore. Again, we’re meeting them where they are, and we’re trying to develop a school that they don’t have to love. I’m not saying every child has to love everything you give them, but they do tend to come on board with the ideas, the assignments, the plan, shall we say, because everything is out in the open. Because you’re also explaining to them, this is why we do math, and I will help you find a math that you love, can tolerate, might be a better way to say that. A math that you can tolerate and works on your level, works in the way you like to learn, but math isn’t an option. Now some other things might be, because this year for science, we were supposed to do biology. If you hate the idea of doing the human body, we covered it enough in elementary. I don’t mind if we skip the human body, but we’re not going to skip science. We can tweak it so that it’s way heavier on plants and animals, for instance. Those are just some practical ways to really dig in and reach them where they are.

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Amy: I like that, all of those ideas. I totally agree with you on the need for being proactive in our communication. I see sometimes I’ve talked to parents who maybe are waiting to have some conversations until it’s a moment of crisis. In the midst of a moment of crisis or relationship conflict or tears or whatever, that’s not generally a very good time to really bond and problem solve, right? It’s really helpful before the problem or before the challenge starts to have already opened up those conversations so that, okay, these might be awkward things to talk about. Let’s get used to the awkwardness now so that later on it’s a little bit easier. Then just as well to be able to find those things that you can come together and say, okay, here are the things that are non-negotiables, but I’m also willing to listen and understand where you’re coming from and find a way to make both sides feel heard and respected.

Cindy: Allow some choices, which is honestly the end goal of homeschooling. We want them to be able to make their own decisions, right? As they start to fight for the right to do that, this is an awesome opportunity to begin allowing at least some of their choices to be made or put some of their ideas on the table that you might be able to work with. Something else you just said about, when we’re in the heat of the moment, that’s not always a great time to talk about things. I would totally agree, but let me remind you in middle school, they are fighting between being a kiddo and trying to grow into an adult. When you do have those really friction moments, the closer you can get in cuddling or giving a hug, a long hug, or saying, what, let’s just scrap all of this. How about we go and read something aloud together or take a nature walk? What, why don’t you and I just stop? We need to go to the grocery anyway. How about you go help me grocery shop? Something that builds that connection, that lets them firmly know you’re still there. You’re not giving up on them, even when they’re acting less like you have trained them to act.

Amy: Yes, because I think that’s one of the things that makes those middle school, those tween years so challenging. It’s like when they’re younger, you just expect them to act like a kid, right? When they’re older teens, Lord willing, oftentimes they’re showing more maturity and self-direction and self-control. In that middle transition time, it’s like they’re starting to look older. Sometimes that was hard for me, especially my kids are very tall. My husband is very tall. They always have looked a lot older than their age. You start expecting them to act like their appearance would reflect. Then they still have this part of their development that really is still very much like a child, right? They’re wanting to push forward for like more independence, but they also still want mom and dad to just be right there with them. It can be really tricky to navigate. Sometimes the thing, even that worked on Monday morning, doesn’t seem to work on Monday afternoon or on Thursday at lunchtime, right?

Cindy: Yes, that’s the thing. You have to be able to pivot because they are in a war. you guys remember when you were teenagers, even into high school. I’m not going to say this ends just in middle school because there are still hormonal fluctuations in high school and truly even adulthood. You remember when you were there and some days you had no idea who you were and what you were doing in your own body, When the parent is able to pivot and just be emotionally available rather than reactive, that is a huge gift to these kiddos. Now, I don’t mean that you’re not. I don’t want to use the word strict. You don’t have you need to have expectations and there are certain expectations that they don’t get to make choices on or they don’t get to act certain ways. Our goal is to help them figure that out on their own by us pivoting rather than being the ruler of all the world, which a lot of parents can err on that side and just say, you will not act this way rather than going back and remembering, oh, yes. Sometimes it’s hard to control those emotions. I think I was just going to say, but you still can’t act that way. Okay, so you just exploded. We don’t do that in this house. However, I understand. Let’s together figure out how this doesn’t happen again.

Amy: it’s like as moms. We know maybe sometimes during the month it’s a little harder for us to hold on to our temper. That’s it’s a it’s a reason that I might be harder, but it’s not an excuse to take it out on our family. Right. We can hopefully use that as some empathy and sympathy. As we think about it. Yes. I think it was Misty Winkler who talked about how as moms we want to be the thermostat and not the thermometer in the house, which I thought was such a good word picture because it can be easy to allow our own emotions or feelings to be ruled by, like you were saying, the reaction to whatever circumstance, whatever child is doing, whatever craziness in the living room. If we’re just reflecting the fluctuations of what’s going on around us, we aren’t able to actually bring some control and peace to the situation. When we can be the thermostat and self-regulate, we’re able to actually be more engaged, I think, even on those harder days.

Cindy: Yes. That’s harder done than it is to say. It takes practice and you’ve got to give yourself some grace, especially if you’re dealing with your first middle schooler or even another kiddo who the first one just sailed through these years. Now all of a sudden you have one that’s more reactive. It takes a little while for you to step back and go, oh, this is what’s happening. Okay, we need to figure some things out here.

Amy: I told my oldest child, I was like, look, I know you don’t know what you’re doing right now, but honestly, I’m learning right for the first time, too. I’m trying to figure out how to be a mom right now. Let’s just both be patient with each other. Yes. That’s part of the communication. Yes. We’ve talked a lot about sort of these more of the attitude side and the developmental, the emotional, relational side of middle school, and that can be its own challenge to work through. I think actually one of the things that has been hard for me to enjoy or try to figure out how to process in those middle school years is actually like the academic side of things. Because middle school feels like this no man’s land. Some kids are ready to just jump right into higher levels of thinking and processing and learning. Other kids, you don’t want to just repeat the same things you’ve done in elementary school, but they’re not really ready for that more abstract thinking. Actually academics in middle school can feel really challenging. How can we set them up for, long-term success without overburdening them? How do we work through this? Help me.

Cindy: Okay. Every child is going to be individual. Just like we pretty innately do when we think about, okay, so is my kiddo ready to read at four or do we need to wait until first grade, second grade, you’re going to do a similar thing in middle school. You’re basically meeting your kiddos where they are. I’m going to give you a few examples. Some children will definitely be ready for high school worthy things. They’ll be ready for the deep textbooks and things like that. You get to decide, okay, so they’re ready, but does that necessarily mean we want to jump into that? Because if I do have some years to, play with, which is probably not a great way to say that, but if I have some years to play with that, why wouldn’t I do some really cool depth and breadth type learning that teaches them how to think better? Teaches them how to learn independence in discovering things on their own and getting assignments done on their own and finding new ways to learn on their own. That’s the approach I’ve taken. Let me back up for a second. Let’s say we have a kiddo who’s not quite ready for that thing. They’re definitely not ready for high school level textbooks. They’re not even necessarily ready for a level of independence or deep thinking. They’re still struggling with math or they’re still struggling with reading. You’re going to meet them exactly where they are. You’re going to keep working on those skills they need. Because the truth of the matter is, until we have certain foundational learning under our belt in the language arts, and I’m not saying they have to come to middle school being wonderful writers. In fact, I don’t even really start writing on a real level until middle school. They do have the basics in phonics, reading ability, spelling and understanding spelling rules, beginning to understand grammar rules, and then of course the foundational mathematics. If they don’t have those things down pat yet, it’s time to continue working on those until there is an understanding to move forward. Those are two scenarios. Let’s meet in the middle. Let’s not meet in the middle. Let’s say we have middle ground plus my kiddos who a couple of them have been ready. I could have put them in high school level textbooks and they would have been fine. I chose to do the depth and breadth learning instead. We have always followed a four-year cycle. I changed that with the third kiddo and I did a six-year cycle. If you’re familiar with that, a four-year cycle is where you do, for science, you’re going to hit biology one year, chemistry one year, physical science one year, earth science one year, not necessarily in that order, earth and space science. Then for history, you’re going to hit ancients, then you’re going to move the second year into the middle ages, renaissance, the third year into early modern American, or early American, and then the fourth year into modern American history. That’s the cycle we flowed through when you’re thinking about science and history. I chose in middle school to say, okay, so we’ve already been through this once, but I don’t want to just go through this another time and repeat. Let’s think about that depth and breadth. We chose to do unit studies and project-based learning and field trips and documentaries and trips to the library to find whatever you want to read on the subject. Because by then I had already mostly trained the idea of living literature versus twaddle. It allowed for us to A, have a purpose in what we were learning. Everyone was learning about, let’s say, the Civil War at the same time. It provided opportunities for folks to go off and say, well, I would really like to learn more about the battles. I would really like to learn about a couple of the really important people. Everyone was able to choose different things from the library. They might watch different documentaries, or we might come together and watch them together. Someone’s interest might have led us to a field trip that we wanted to do. Then at the end of those, I always included project-based learning activities. Just the real quick of that is you prove what you learn. I’m putting it on you to go and learn something and then come back in a creative way and show me that you learned it. Now, I don’t just hand that over to kids. I might give the kiddos some examples to say, Okay, you could write me a paper if you love writing. You could develop a play that you and your siblings put together for us. You could put together some sort of feast about showing us about the common foods that folks ate when they were on the field in the Civil War. I don’t know. the ideas are absolutely endless. In doing that, I’m specifically training the love for learning, giving them choices in learning, promoting the depth and breadth of a subject that we’re not quite ready to get into high school stuff with, or even the this lesson, this lesson, this lesson of high school, because I want to really promote that learning. In doing all of these things, we’re promoting higher order thinking skills, which you definitely want to have on board by the time they reach high school and adulthood. That’s how I’ve handled it. You don’t have to handle it that way, but it does give a unique perspective of how everybody, no matter whether they’re on the, oh, no, we’re catching up end or the, wow, we could really go on into high school end, that gives everybody a place to land. Now, really quickly, could you go on and go on into high school stuff? Sure. Then by the time they’re in high school, that gives them more opportunity for dual credits or higher level maths and sciences and things like that they might not get to if you were doing the regular things for high school. These years are just so full of opportunity that you get to design them in a way that works for your family, and it’s all going to be okay.

Amy: When you first gave your children these opportunities for project-based learning and you sort of said, here are different ways you could approach that, would you then, the first few times they were going to do some sort of project, would you hold their hand a little bit more through the process? Was this something you had already done when they were younger, so they were pretty much ready to be independent?

Cindy: Yes and yes. We did these when they were younger. No matter when you start, whether you start in first grade or you don’t do your first project-based learning thing until, let’s say, the junior year of high school, you are definitely going to hold hands with them. That is saying, I’m going to show you how we learn together in this way. I’m going to choose something, you choose something, we’ll come together and we’ll brainstorm each one of us a project that we could do. Then I lay forth expectations. I call it a rubric. It’s essentially a little scale of I expect this, and this to be accomplished in your project and then I’m going to grade you based on how well you do each portion. You’re going to get basically 1 point, 2 points, or 3 points for each separate thing. I’m going to need you to score a 10 or better in order for me to consider that you have done a good job on this project. I’m going to do projects with them at least a few times and then I will slowly back off so that they can become independent and understand how they actually dive into learning and then pull out what they need to pull out for a project.

Amy: I think that’s one of the things that I definitely already see myself doing differently with subsequent children as opposed to oldest child. Expecting more independence too soon potentially or allowing a child to push away and say I want to do this on my own. Now I’m just much more likely to be willing to help and participate in the learning when they’re in this transition time because that’s actually still really fun too. It’s like I want to not miss out on all this fun stuff you’re learning.

Cindy: Exactly. The method that I’ve just described is more parent intensive and some folks might say I do not have the time. I still have two or three or four other children who are younger. They need me or I have some older ones and we’re trying to think about college. That just seems really intensive. The good news is when you train it a few times you can be way more hands off if you want to. Let me do mention with my third kiddo, I backed off too early too. I thought I had this down by the third kiddo and we got into the high school level years and I turned over just maybe one or two courses too many to his complete independence. About halfway through the year, first he said I just really miss you. Then the second thing was I’m not exactly sure I’m completely understanding some of this stuff. I had to back up and make some adjustments. That’s just part of homeschooling. When you give yourself enough grace you can go, oh, okay, well I let off the brakes a little too soon or I maybe held on a little too long. Then you tweak and you adjust and sometimes you have to fix things and it’s fine.

Amy: Yes, that’s parenting too, right? We just repent, we move forward, and trust that the Lord’s grace will cover our mistakes as parents. Cindy, one of the questions I love asking veteran homeschool moms who have older children is as you look back with this hindsight of the homeschooling years, if you could go back and give advice to yourself as a young homeschool mom, what would you want to go back and tell yourself as a beginning homeschooler?

Cindy: I had one kiddo who was extremely active and it is the way the Lord made him. I can see now that the Lord made him that way because he’s going to go and do some things that require a big personality and a lot of energy and things like that. I wish that I had seen him for who God created him to be better. That would mean that I would have backed off a little bit from trying to fit him into the box of, listen, I’m going to look like a bad mom if you’re behaving this way, so you need to pull it together, sir. I think I would have had a lot more grace with him and I would have supported him a little bit better in his rambunctiousness. I’m not exactly sure what that would have looked like and I think it’s really easy to say that on this end because I am far removed from all of the energy that was required of me to live with that child. It’s easy to say, oh, I would have been so much more graceful in all of that. I think that I would have made some different decisions in discipline, in the activity level that I allowed in our homeschool, which we allowed a lot, but I think I would have gone for more nature walks and more field trips. I think I would have taken more breaks for movement and I would have started brain training a little bit earlier. Just really quickly, brain training, it helps train executive functioning skills, so when somebody has trouble remembering or paying attention or processing what you say or what they see, brain training helps build connections in the brain so that it makes it easier for a kiddo to do that thing. I would have started that earlier, but I didn’t know what I didn’t know at the time. It’s okay.

Amy: One of the things you said at the beginning when you mentioned, oh, I will look like a bad mom if this behavior, that behavior, and I think that can be just a good reminder to all of us, regardless if you’re homeschooling little ones or whatever age, is the situation, is whatever is going on actually something that is of value to you and to your family that actually you want to address and deal with? Are you more concerned about what other people are going to think about you than you are about actually what’s going on with your child? I would say probably every time, if you’re making your decision for a situation of parenting or homeschooling choices because you’re worried about what other people’s opinion is going to be of you, it’s probably not going to be the best choice for your kid or for your family.

Cindy: Yes, 100%. There was an older mom than me at the time. I don’t remember how old this child was, but I was getting after and saying, okay, we don’t act like this in front of other people, and she just gently pulled me aside and said, hey, I just want to remind you very gently that he belongs to the Lord, and the Holy Spirit will work through a lot of these things. It’s not your job 100% to turn them into what they’re going to be. Maybe give yourself a break, and in doing so, maybe you can give him a break a little bit. That was some of the best advice I ever had.

Amy: That is really good advice for all of us, for sure. Cindy, I know this conversation is going to encourage moms of tweens and middle schoolers and moms who are looking forward to that age as well. Before we wrap up, I want to ask you the questions I’m asking everyone this season. The first is just, what are you personally reading lately?

Cindy: Personally? I don’t get to read personally very often. I am reading dual credit applications. I am reading high school transcripts. I’m doing a whole lot of college prep, figuring out exactly we still haven’t quite figured out exactly what we’re doing for this senior year towards college. Because for the first time ever, I have a kiddo who would like to play some sports in college. I’m reading a lot of new things towards that end. No personal reading right now.

Amy: It’s part of that professional development for moms, right? Yes. Yes, I’ve been helping my rising senior with all the college essay, application essays and all of that. A lot. All right, the final question is, what would be your best tip for helping with a homeschool day or season that seems to be going completely off the rails?

Cindy: Stop and do something different. That goes exactly back to what I was saying about that son of mine. I would have just stopped, taken more nature walks, gone to the grocery store with the kiddo and said, let’s go get a treat. Let’s find something fun to fix for supper tonight. Let’s do that together. I wouldn’t allow that all the time because I think kiddos can manipulate us that way. For sure, just taking a break, putting the books aside, doing something else, even just reading a book, watching a documentary, something that’s different from the norm saves in a season. Sometimes that’s as simple as removing or replacing a piece of curriculum that doesn’t work for that particular child or your family and doing something in place of it.

Amy: Yes, that’s really good tips. Cindy, thank you so much for taking the time to chat with us today. I really have appreciated you just personally over the past year with your encouragement and prayers and just checking in with me and my family with everything with Isaac. That has meant a lot. I appreciate you being willing to share this with us today. Can you let people know where they can find you all around the internet?

Cindy: You’re welcome and thank you for having me. I am a founder at OurJourneyWestward.com and really you can find me as OurJourneyWestward just about anywhere. The No Sweat Nature Study podcast is on all the podcast outlets and the No Sweat Nature Study video class membership is located at OurJourneyWestward.com as well.

Amy: Perfect. I will have links to all of those things including the podcast and the show notes for this episode over at HumilityandDoxology.com. If you are listening in your podcast app, I would love for you to leave a rating and review and pass this episode along to maybe a friend who is going to be homeschooling middle school this year. If you’re watching on YouTube, please do make sure you subscribe so you do not miss any of the other homeschool conversations this season. Thank you so much, Cindy. I’ll chat with you again later.


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